Enjoy every single one of those maltesers, you deserve them. I can't believe how insensitive people can be!! Good on you for 'correcting' her! I would have to.
Wow. It just goes to show that even those of us who have experienced a loss sometimes say the wrong things. Most of what she said would be on my top 10 list of things NOT to say to a grieving parent.
I guess because she didn't feel all that sad about her mc (or maybe didn't ALLOW herself to feel sad) she expects you will be the same. Or perhaps she's trying to comfort you (in her weird way) by saying she got through it unscathed. Sooo not helpful, but maybe that was her motivation. About the 'for the best' comment.................. I hate that one the most. Almost as much as 'everything happens for a reason'.
I used to get so upset and actually yelled at one person 'WHAT F'ING REASON MIGHT THAT BE? WHAT POSSIBLE REASON CAN THERE BE EXCEPT THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Let's just say nobody said that again. Anyway, I would like to try to translate what your MIL said into a more considerate and helpful dialect, if that's ok.
When she said that it was for the best, what I think she meant to say was : "Your baby is at peace now, and won't have to suffer any ill effects of what may or may not have gone wrong with their development. It's nobody's fault, ESPECIALLY not yours. It sucks bigtime, and there is no reason for it except that nature, while beautiful, can be devastatingly cruel."
I'm pretty sure that's what she MEANT to say, but just didn't have the kohunas to really open up to you. Maybe for fear of opening her own wounds, I don't know. But I wanted to leave you with some kind words, rather than her............ thoughtless attempt at kindness ringing in your ears.
Your baby might be gone, but will never be forgotten. He/she has had, and will continue to have an impact on your life. I have a little saying I like to use when it comes to this kind of loss. This will make you stronger, and softer all at the same time. And that's your child's gift to you. Although it hurts, it wasn't all for nothing and in time you will still feel a strong connection to this little one, and be able to see the ways in which your life has been enriched. Sometimes even from the greatest heartaches the most wonderful things can spring. Until then, take care of yourself and give your heart time to heal.
I don't know if any of my rambling helped, but I couldn't read and run.
Reply With QuoteEnjoy every single one of those maltesers, you deserve them. I can't believe how insensitive people can be!! Good on you for 'correcting' her! I would have to.
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Anyway, I would like to try to translate what your MIL said into a more considerate and helpful dialect, if that's ok.
I don't know if any of my rambling helped, but I couldn't read and run.
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