Couple of questions, mostly a rambly vent.

[forshelby]

.... and some more hugs.

I used to hate the old pearl 'Time heals all wounds'. I can't say I agree 100%, but time definitely eases the ache.

[Calluna]

Feeling a bit sad and alone tonight. Cant help but torture myself and read the bellybuddies thread and think of what should have been. :'(

[Mummy&Daddy2Be]

big hugs hun. i know exactly how you feel. i stalk belly buddies groups all the time. i would of been 6 months along.

thinking of you and sending massive hugs.

wish you lived closer

[Calluna]

for you too. Its so crappy.

[Catastrophic]

Stop torturing yourself xoxo it doesn't help.

Much love nd light

[Calluna]

Someone in the thread has the same EDD.

[Calluna]

1 month tomorrow. Shouldnt this be getting easier? I was feeling ok but the last couple of days have been really hard.

Had a look through a new baby shop today for a chrissy present for nephew and just a sticky beak cause it was new and all I could think of was how we should be shopping for our little one.

[Peace]

calluna. The first AF after is really emotional. It all feels fresh again. Thinking of you xx

[Calluna]

I was so anxious about AFs arrival that its actual arrival was a bit of an anti climax TBH. And its all but gone. TMI: heavy the first day, med the next now I just have brown sludge. Its gross, but very light. Very little cramping which is unusal, usually first day is extremely painful. I was expecting it to be a lot harder.

Maybe its linked somewhere in my subconscious but it doesnt feel it.

[forshelby]

After only a month I wouldn't expect it to be any easier hun. For me, getting past my EDD was the big one. I remember saying to DP after about six months that I felt more 'normal' and that I could smile again, and really smile not just wear it on the outside. It takes time hun. Then getting past the EDD...... but honestly it never totally goes away.

The wisest thing I was ever told was that you don't get over it, you just learn to live with it. You'll find your new normal. In some ways, I wouldn't change what happened to me because it made me more humane - by reaching out to comfort another woman in the same situation, I've found a lot of hope and comfort myself. I hope that one day you can look back not only in sadness but with hope for all the lives you've touched by reaching out to them in their time of need.

I know it's not much, and I know you can't have the one thing you truly want (your baby back) but I promise you it does get easier. In the meantime we're all here to listen and talk. I hope you're giving that little heart another big squeeze. Because I stuffed it with pure love and healing vibes! Pinkie swear.

[Calluna]

I wouldnt change that I was pregnant. Even though it was short and it hurts so much, Id never wish those few days away. And you're right, it has changed me. Im more confident, less worried about the little things and what people think, more empathic.

I have my heart with me almost always, in my pocket or bag. Is that a little odd? Haha oh well.

Thanks hon, I feel the love.

[forshelby]

Not weird at all, it's very cute. I made it small enough to be carried anywhere because it's what I'd do!

[Calluna]

glad Im not the only one.

[Calluna]

Seeing lots of BFPs
Why?
Why all at once?
Why all in my face?
Why couldnt it be me?
Why does it hurt so much?

[Footsteps]

Oh huni. I don't frequent the TTC boards as its hard. Nothing against anyone its hard. My brothers girl is pregnant and its tearing me up inside but he's been really concerned about my feelings. Huge hugs huni. Xxx

[sloane]

I wish there was something more I could offer but all I have are and to let you know that I'm thinking of you and webern if I don't always post, I'm reading your posts

[Calluna]

Thanks Sloane & Footsteps. While its not the purpose of my post, it is nice to know you care and are sending me love.

DTD last night. How long does it take for it to not be so scary? Poor DF is very deprived but it gives me anxiety attacks (tight chest, nausea, shakes) and I end up crying every time. I was begging he Universe/God/whoever in my head last night to make this cycle work and stick. I cant take another disappointment. And if Im this tense and strung out, wont it make it harder to concieve?

[Calluna]

I keep having nightmares. Nothing in particular just random stuff. Last night I was woken up 5 or 6 times by them and then started imagining that I could hear DS awake, but when I checked him he was fast asleep. I rarely had nightmares until I was pregnant and they have hung around since. Most nights I'll wake at least twice. Is it likely to be hormonal still or is this psychological? I have stopped having pimple break outs as of about a week and a half ago.