Recently we went through a natural cycle frozen blastocycst embryo transfer. Being IVF it was a big deal as we can't just TTC every cycle as normal people do, we have to wait months and spend lots of dollars for just one cycle... anyhow...
I have no patience whatsoever and of course I POAS! Transfer was the 11th feb and my blood test was due on the 21st. On the 19th I got a positive HPT. It was faint but it was still 3/4days before AF was due. However the following day I got a -ve on a HPT. I had been having pg symptoms since around 3days post transfer with LOTS of implantation cramping and nausea plus tingly boobs. I still had these symptoms the day I went for the blood test but the cramping had faded by the following morning that the results were due in. They indicated that one embryo had 'taken' but that it had failed (as it was faulty apparently) and my levels were already really low (only 9 already). AF arrived late on 22nd and was only 1day late. The nausea and tingly boobs ended around that time.
DH told me most emphatically that he didnt think it counted as a miscarriage when I asked him. He really hurt my feelings and made me think I was making a bigger deal about it than I should. His reasoning is that isnt every embryo a baby when we have it transferred and what is the difference here? My thinking is that this one was an actual pregnancy (however short) and that I FELT pregnant for over a week even thought it never got to the stage of heartbeat.
I guess it was just a chemical pregnancy not a miscarriage? Is that what it would be classified as? I just need to be able to categorize it for myself really. I dont want to offend people here who see my sig and they have had a "proper" miscarriage. KWIM???
AH Im rambling. I am just a bit confused (not to mention devestated of course)
I think there is some technicality about the terms, (infact BG can probably help out there) but I call it an early miscarriage. Chemical pregnancy sounds so clinical... And for me, it is not. Your little embryo had started to grow, and implant, and for some reason it did not continue to grow. That, in my books, is a loss as real as any other. I have had 4, and each one hurt and I grieved for the babies I might have had. I call them my tiny angels.
Allow yourself the time to be sad and then to heal. FWIW, my DH doesnt take them as hard as I do either. xo
I am not sure when it technically is classed a miscarriage. Nevertheless, it's a loss and it's real...and I am sorry. All losses are tough. I hope you are doing OK. Men and women handle these thing often very differently, which can also be hard to handle.
Thanks so much for your replies. It really means a lot to me when I know you two have had such hardships of your own.
I don't know whether to tell friends or family about it? We dont tend to tell ppl when we are TTc and doing IVF as it is so private but this feels different.
I share on here, and my family, and few close friends know. But I don't tend to make it a big deal unless I am talking to someone, and it comes up. But that is me. I am a VERY private person. If sharing will help you heal, then go for it. But perhaps be prepared for some people not to understand it, and how hard it is.
Oh Sazz, it doesn't matter what the rules are for categorising your little emby. What you feel is what counts. Your heart was so happy for a few days, and a little in your sig is your way of acknowledging your loss, no matter when it was.
FWIW I didn't have a 'proper miscarriage' either, but I still think about what would have been.
I am keeping you in my thoughts at the moment. I read your other post about yelling at Celeste - you are going throu lots at the moment with so many conflicting emotions. Don't try to get over it sooner than you need to heal.
I don't know really but can I guess that a lot of men don't think of a pregnancy as a baby until they either see it via u/s or hold the baby? We get attached as soon as we know.
My DP is the same, I got a faint positive when AF was late and then a week later got what I thought was a period. It IS a loss and you have every right to grieve
DH says it doesn't count.
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in your sig is your way of acknowledging your loss, no matter when it was.
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