I'm sorry that we are here after experiencing such a loss.

I had mine nearly 10yrs ago when I was still married to my daughters dad. We had had a mm/c at 12.5wks in the February of '03 and then the ectopic, resulting in the removal of my left tube in August of '03. I don't remember a lot - I remember it being a sunday and going to visit my friend but before I got to her house I felt 'wrong' and came home to use the toilet. I only had a little bit of blood, no real pain but a strange sensation in my right hip.

I don't know what to write - my tube was removed, I have a scar that looks like a C section scar that sometimes itches, I have this fear that I will have another ectopic and lose my last chance of natural conception. This last week I experienced an early m/c and have been frightened that my levels wouldn't drop and the Dr would suspect an ectopic. I didn't think having my tube removed would have such an effect on me but it was the straw that broke my unstable marriages back. I lost the plot - got all my hair cut off. Started staying late after work and drinking with co workers. I resented my husband not being there when I woke from surgery. I have no memory of who looked after my daughter in the days and weeks following the surgery - I assume it was my parents but I don't know. I was angry. So angry. And I ran away from everything and everyone.
I felt like a failure. I enjoyed the physical pain because it was all I could feel and without the pain I would be numb.

Sorry to be such a negative nelly but I can't put it into sentenances that make sense about how I felt regarding that time of my life.