Ethan's Story

[shuett]

Hi there all

ethan is my nephew and he died as a result of co-sleeping suffocation. He was only four weeks old.

In an attempt to educate parents about the possible dangers of this activity, we have put together a website at:

http://www.In-memory-of-ethan.Com

we would really appreciate it if you could take a look, and share it around your friends.

Best wishes, sandy

[Naomi]

Sandy, your post has brought me to tears, and the website you have created for baby Ethan is beautiful and informative.
I am so sorry for your family's loss.
I have a 10 week old baby boy and a couple of times i have fallen asleep while feeding him in bed, i will deffinately not be doing it again.
Thank you!
You and your family are in my thoughts.

Take care

[Berry]

So sorry to you and your family, Sandy, for the loss of little Ethan.

I will remember your story and keep my baby girl in her crib.

[~Raven~]

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face.
I have a photo that DH took of me fallen asleep on the couch with Angus on my chest.
I will never ever risk that again.
Thankyou for sharing this story. I am so sorry for your familys loss.

[visitor2]

Thankyou for sharing us your story.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

[Gemma]

So sorry about the loss of baby Ethan. Thankyou for sharing this story.

I was thinking about occassionally co-sleeping wih my baby and my husband was against it. Now she will definately be sleeping in her cot and we won't be co-sleeping.

[BellyBelly]

Sandy,

I am so sorry that your family has had to go through this tragedy, I can't imagine the pain you all must be experiencing. I hope you've all had great support around you.

I wanted to reply to this topic personally as I am worried others will be frightened from co-sleeping with their babies. Your website and post tells of his death as being from co-sleeping suffocation. However I want to make sure everyone understands that safe co-sleeping guidelines are there for people sleeping in a bed - they do not include sleeping on a couch with a baby, especially with a cold when he would have possibly had breathing difficulties already.

As per Pinky McKay's article on the BellyBelly site:

* Don’t co-sleep on a couch or sofa, as babies can easily slip down into the crevice or face-first between cushions, or they may become wedged between the adult and the back of the couch.

I have co-slept with my two babies in the family bed and it was a lifesaver. I took my daughter Marisa to sleep school for two weeks after a long time struggling with her sleeping, she was extremely unsettled and 'failed', I ended up with PND and none of us were getting any sleep. So we co-slept (as per safety guidelines) and fortunately it helped us. Interestingly too, some of the lowest rates of SIDS are found amongst cultures where co-sleeping is predominant.

I am not saying your nephew had a bad mother or did anything wrong, but it's important that you know of the guidelines before you do decide to co-sleep. Sadly in today's society, mums are increasingly isolated and don't have the support and experience we once did - groups of women and families would raise children long ago, women had already held plenty of babies before time came to hold their own, and had many other hands and experience to help them through.

Again, I am sorry you have had to go through this tragedy and I encourage all mums to read BellyBelly's article on co-sleeping, complete with stories of co-sleeping and co-sleeping safety tips written by Pinky McKay.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby/c...ping-with-baby

[BellyBelly]

Moving this post to Miscarriage & Loss

[Baby~amore`]

Sandy
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious nephew ~Ethan~. I cannot imagine how painful it would have been for your family to tragically lose this precious little boy .
Thank you for sharing his story.

[kirbay831]

Sorry for your loss.

Kelly, I agree with you about making sure it is done safely. Although I am not sure yet whether co-sleeping will be for me, I do believe it may be the perfect practice for some people. I also read that it is important to consider how 'large' the parents are. If the mother is overweight, it may make it more likely for the baby to roll down, etc. I think the best thing to do about any practice, is a lot of research.

[nadia]

Sweetheart, Im so sorry for the loss of Ethan. You and your family are in my thoughts. xx 4 u angel

[kirsty]

I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew. My thoughts are with you & your family at this terrible time.

[katanya]

That is a tragic story..I co-sleep, will always co-sleep because I believe it is natural, as Kelly wrote above there are ways to do it and things to avoid..I remember wanting to curl up on the couch a few times with felix when he was newborn watching TV,I luckily remembered the rule about never falling asleep on the couch with them.

We ended up putting a futon mattress in the lounge room, so I would still lay and feed and watch TV, and if I fell asleep there was no danger..

I find it sad that when I have heard stories like this, I have also heard, mothers saying "I would NEVER co-sleep with my babies" where as when you hear of cot death, no one says, "I will never use a cot for my baby"..

I really hope this story bring more awareness to mothers about SAFE co-sleeping and not scaring mothers into not doing it altogether..I would a wreck if not for co-sleeping as Felix is nearly 1 and still wakes multiple times through the night, he also has oxygen at home and I have to readjust his prongs through the night sometimes, something I wouldn't beable to do if he were in another room. When he is in hospital and has to sleep in a cot it is very stressful for both of us, but thankfully the nurses allow us to sleep together as long as we sign a waiver..

[kazz30]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss o fyour precious little nephew ~Ethan~. My deepest symmpathy and thoughts go out to you and your family at this terrible time.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[westy]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little nephew "ETHAN".
My deepest sympathy to you and your family at such a awful time.

Take care Leah

[Suzie]

Sandy hun,
You got here first!! I was just in here to post this link about Mandy and Jason's little one myself...
I am still so sorry for this happeneing and have posted on another couple of websites about it tonight so you should be getting some more guestbook entries tomorrow...
Still thinking of your family!!!

[shuett]

Hi Everyone

thank you so much for your kind responses (and to suzie for spreading the word for us).

There certainly has been many comments about the website and giving co-sleeping a bad rap. I hope you all have understood from the website that its a warning about unsafe co-sleeping. Mandy is under no misconception that what she did was careless, but its happened. She also knows that there are many other parents who sleep with their babies on couches etc.

Regardless of your differing points of view, I am really pleased that it has encouraged co-sleeping parents to reaffirm in their minds that they are doing it safely. This is what we were hoping to achieve.

We believe this was a co-sleeping incident. As the name suggests, 'sleeping in the company of another'. Ethans autopsy report also referred to this as a co-sleeping incident.



Best wishes everyone, sandy

[Baby~amore`]

Sandy
welldone - your family is so brave to reach out to others and be a warning.
It must be so very hard