MissK..I am so sorry for your loss.
You sound so sad and defeated...it's a very tough time for you and your partner.
Have you and your partner had any counselling? this is defenitely worth doing.
Please consider the counselling.
If you wake up in the night or struggle anytime, talk to the Bonnie Babes foundation Grief Counselling: 1300 266 643, they are amazing people who will listen and listen.
Take care MissK