Hi Becc,

As per usual you and i are on exactly the same thought line!

Basically all of what you said mirrored how i feel.

I made the decision to TTC again because of a few reasons - i hope you dont mind me sharing them with you. 1) We still wanted to have a baby, i know that this sounds harsh, but it takes a long time to make a full term baby (as you well know) and i wanted to hold a baby soon. 2) My friends are all trying for other babies so i kind of feel like i am in a race that i should already be winning IYKWIM. 3) i had lots of out loud converstations with Katelyn and decided that she would want me to have her brothers and sisters. I am an only child and know that i really wanted a bigger family when i was growing up. I told her that she is the first and we have a special bond that nobody can break. I will always remember her, love and miss her just as much as i do today regardless of what happens in the future. A new baby will get new love that i have not any of the love that is dedicated to her. 4) Having Katelyn's brother or sister is an exciting thought. We cant have her (even though i would give the world too still) so we can have the next best thing. 5) I wanted to have some of the good things that we had with Katelyn that made us so happy (the ultrasounds etc).

I was having the whole what will other people think discussion with my hubby last night. I actually said that i will probably feel the need to say to people that we are pregnant again but please dont forget about Katelyn as she is still very important. i feel rightly or wrongly that i will need to explain myself. I know that it doesnt matter what others think but i feel that i have to honour her further by keeping her memory alive. I have already decided that when i have another baby (see i am being positive for a change LOL) that i will include Katelyn in the birth notice. That way we are forcing everybody to remember her and including her as a full member of my family.

I really struggled with starting to TTC again. But when i started it actually felt healing. Although it is stressful.

I was at the exact same conclusion as you. I will never get over Katelyn just as you will never get over Georgia. For me also i thought because i am such an anxious person normally my anxiety over another pregnancy would grow with time. Where as if i just got into it and let the weeks gradually roll past then i would be getting somewhere in my life again.

I totally get you on the whole CAN we conceive again. I got pregnant straight away with Katelyn so i think that i expect the same thing to happen again this time and if it doesnt i will really stress. However i also know how lucky i was to have it happen that way so how could i expect my body to pull off that miracle again???? The one thing that i stick to is what my GP told me. "My plumbing works" this is now my mantra!!!

Well i hope that some of this has helped you.

Love Sarah