I'm lost for words PP. I don't know what to say that might help. I guess its one of those awful rollercoaster rides you have to take. I hope things improve for you soon xxx I know for me one of the biggest turning points in my recovery from my ectopic and tube removal in 2009 was having my DD in 2011. She really put everything into perspective for me and still does and that helped me get through the crap of loosing a part of you. Even now going through something similar I draw a lot of my strength from her. I don't know why because I have 2 older children as well. I think maybe its because she arrived after all that happened.