Thanks megsmum and Rach...

all the replies here have brought me comfort and have also helped me understand that it is hard to measure emotions and what's 'normal' etc and that we are all so different in how we process. That in itself helps me be easier on myself!

I do find it really tiring socialising still, because it takes so much effort to be 'up' and to make conversation and try and fit in , when i feel isolated and a bit consumed again by the process etc...sometimes though it's nice to be distracted and can be enjoyable...so that's step forward from where I was at!