Oh honey i totally understand how you are feeling and agree that while the dreams are not nice they are probably helping you greive. I also understand that you feel that it is too soon to say goodbye to your ticker. We all understand that and i think that you should take your time in all areas of greiving. This is a horrible process and none of us really have the answers. Just keep posting and talking about your feelings. We are all here to listen, even when IRL people start to think you should be moving on.

One thing that has always helped me, is i light a candle for a whole day. It means that it is there in the background or i can go watch it when i need. And then yes, when it comes time to blow it out i have a good cry....

Thinking you at the terrible time! Wish there was more i could do!