Why me?
I had my fourth miscarriage back in October. Another d&c, the pregnancy never progressed past 6wks.
Fast forward to now. I find out Im pregnant again, bit of a surprise. Im nervous about it but I figure the odds of it going pear shaped again is minute, right?

Apparently not for me. I had a blood test last thursday 3rd Feb to confirm the pregnancy and my levels were 164. A bit low for 4w4d but still within the 4-5wk range. No worries. So on Tuesday 8th Feb I went and had another to make sure the levels were rising (not that thats any indicator of bad things with me as my last m/c my levels were phenomenally perfect right til 9wks, the end of everything) and I got the results back today, 424.

They havent even doubled in 48hrs. Im a mess. My heart is breaking thinking about having to go through this again. Five fugging times. All I want is another baby, I adore my boys and we've gone to hell and back to have them. I know Im being greedy wanting four kids but I just feel like we arent complete yet. I just cant go through this again. Dh is away interstate and wont be home til next thursday. He wants me to go for a scan before then so that when it comes about we need a d&c he can organise to be here instead of going away again that sunday. Im all alone and Im struggling to keep a lid on things so the kids dont get upset that Im upset. I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

The GP is disgustingly optimistic about it all; even considering my previous history. I think that ****s me the most.

If you got this far thankyou for listening. It feels good to get that out. Might stave off the crying so I can keep it together til after the kids go to bed tonight.