I've wanted to ask for a while now...

[Maruschke]

Hopefully this doesn't upset anyone but I really want to ask.

I know quite a few women in BB have lost angels but don't have it in their ticker. I always feel a bit weird seeing it in my own ticker and want to delete it. I just don't want it to define me (not really sure how to word this). It's important, it happened, it hurt, but I just don't want it to become me.

I really don't mean that people who do have angels in their ticker are responding incorrectly to loss, this is just how I am feeling about my own loss. I guess we all respond differently but I never want to offend those who manage differently. Maybe I am still in denial because I never wanted to be TTCAML and still don't.

Please please please I hope this isn't offensive, I just want to know how this has worked out for others.

Thanks all.

xoxo
M

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Um, I can't see where the question is? I'll answer what I think it is anyway I have mine in my sig because they now have names, I didn't have them there before. For me, that's because the pic is of an angel and I don't believe mine are, so it didn't quite fit for me. I've mentioend it in the text sometimes, but it just depends on how I'm feeling.

I understand what you're saying about it defining you though, and I don't think there's anything wrong either way - do what makes YOU happy

[blessedatlast]

I have mine in my sig (was a ticker) because being a Mummy is really important to me. Not saying it's not to anyone else but When my babies died I lost my Mummy status in the general population and here is a safe place to display it and say "Look, I AM a Mummy' That being said, I had a m/c at 19 and thats not in my sig.. I just don't feel the need to have it there.. I guess it's like people having anything in their sig, like parenting choices (cloth bummed etc).. It's what they want people to know at the time in a short 5 line space..

I also understand what you mean by defining you though, and for me, I don't think my grief 'defines' me anymore (It did at 1st) but I still want it known that I am a Mummy.. Also I have their website and montage links because I guess, not only am I proud to show off my bubs, but I want to get awareness out there. I know how much it helped me to know I wasn't alone.. If someone new joins BB, maybe they know someone or will know someone in the future that will lose a baby (or they might) and they can look at me and draw things from my experience..I hope I make sense..

I don't think anyone is right or wrong for what they have in their sig..

[~Kim~]

Funny you type this as I often think...'I wonder if that makes me different because I don't want them there'.
I have lost more babies than I have carried, and while they are a part of me and a part of my TTC, I dunno, I just don't need them in my ticker. That sounds so heartless when I type but it isn't.
Sometimes I feel like I need to justify my response in the M&L threads because many people here don't know my history and it isn't advertised, but hey, that's my silly hangup lol.

I know what you mean about the TTCAMAL too.

[DaintreeDream]

I too have lost more babies then I have carried, at times they have been in my ticker, other times, like now, not. My girls also both have special needs sometimes I may write this in my ticker, sometimes it is nice to keep this to myself. I think it really depends on where I am in life as to what I feel the need to share.

[Tinsel]

I had one loss at 10 weeks and had a little angel in my signature for a while but removed it. I'm not sure why.

Keike, I just wanted to say that I love the names you have chosen for your bubs.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thank you Tinsel

[Miss.September]

I had one loss before DD. I have never put an angel in my ticker. It doesn't make it any less there in my heart, it doesn't make me forget, I just don't feel it needs to be there, for me. I totally understand those who have them, and I support them totally, but if you don't want the angel there, it doesn't take the memory away, it doesn't mean you don't feel anything, it just means that you don't have an angel in your ticker.

[Rouge]

I don't have any children in my sig (or angels). I like people to get to know me by talking to me, not just by reading my signature. I'm a bit like that though. But I totally understand why people have theirs in their sigs.

[~Hestia~]

I have mine in my sig. I guess it never occured to me to not do it - but I feel like I need it there. I recently wrote a thread about how I'm still grieving, how this loss is affecting everything I do lately. So I guess it is defining me at the moment. I might take it off later but I need it there right now.

I guess another part of it is that pretty soon most people IRL are going to forget this happened, forget I had another baby on the way. So maybe I also have it there so it's not forgotten. Don't know but you have certainly made me think

you do what you feel is right & you won't be wrong.

[diannescruffy]

I have my angels in my sig because they were and still are a part of me. My whole family is listed and they are part of my family.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

[Kazbah]

I have never considered putting my early loss in my ticker, and it's actually something I was worrying about and discussed with my psych. I have considered the loss, I have rationalised it in my mind, and that I am aware of it happening yet don't grieve is just part of me.

FWIW, I've also held off on early testing as I didn't want to know of any chemical pregnancies.

[Razzberry]

I have always kept mine in my sig as some of the others have said - I don't want it forgotten as nobody acknowledges that baby IRL.

Just wanted to add - I really miss my baby and I only knew about it for a few weeks..

[crumpet]

i have my angel in my sig, but to be honest i have it there because i feel like i have to....

id rather not have the constant reminder of trauma of that week leading up to DS's arrival but it doesnt seem right to delete it even though id rather not see it everytime i post...

[Traveller]

i have my angel in my sig, but to be honest i have it there because i feel like i have to....

id rather not have the constant reminder of trauma of that week leading up to DS's arrival but it doesnt seem right to delete it even though id rather not see it everytime i post...

It's such a personal thing, I think what this thread shows is that there is no right or wrong way to remember a loss. If it hurts you to see yours remembered in your signature it's ok to remove it.

[JennaJayen]

I have always put mine in my sig because they are a part of what makes me who I am today, I wouldn't be the person I am without them and that is a big thing for me.
I also spent years holding it all inside with no one to talk to about them, and no one in my family ever acknowledges them either, like it's a taboo subject (they do the same to my aunt and uncle who lost their little girl at almost 19wks in 2004), and I still don't have many people in RL who aren't on the forum who will listen when I feel the need to talk... I guess I am still greiving - I know I am still greiving a lot for my first angel anyway, somehow he is much more important to me than any of the others are/were - and it stops me from forgetting all the ones that I don't think of very often.

Everyone feels things differently, and deals with things in different ways - it was one of my ways of dealing.

[skybie]

because monkey is my son,just the same as moo and squid are my daughters. i would feel like i was trying to forget him if i didnt have him in my signature

[Freya]

For me personally they come and go. I mostly have them there so someone who may be new the the forum and looking for a kindred ear to talk to about miscarriage, or even recurrent miscarriage, can find me without having to make a 'Help me anyone?' post about it which might be confronting for them. They can just pm me and go from there.