I've wanted to ask for a while now...

[Maruschke]

Hopefully this doesn't upset anyone but I really want to ask.

I know quite a few women in BB have lost angels but don't have it in their ticker. I always feel a bit weird seeing it in my own ticker and want to delete it. I just don't want it to define me (not really sure how to word this). It's important, it happened, it hurt, but I just don't want it to become me.

I really don't mean that people who do have angels in their ticker are responding incorrectly to loss, this is just how I am feeling about my own loss. I guess we all respond differently but I never want to offend those who manage differently. Maybe I am still in denial because I never wanted to be TTCAML and still don't.

Please please please I hope this isn't offensive, I just want to know how this has worked out for others.

Thanks all.

xoxo
M

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Um, I can't see where the question is? I'll answer what I think it is anyway I have mine in my sig because they now have names, I didn't have them there before. For me, that's because the pic is of an angel and I don't believe mine are, so it didn't quite fit for me. I've mentioend it in the text sometimes, but it just depends on how I'm feeling.

I understand what you're saying about it defining you though, and I don't think there's anything wrong either way - do what makes YOU happy

[blessedatlast]

I have mine in my sig (was a ticker) because being a Mummy is really important to me. Not saying it's not to anyone else but When my babies died I lost my Mummy status in the general population and here is a safe place to display it and say "Look, I AM a Mummy' That being said, I had a m/c at 19 and thats not in my sig.. I just don't feel the need to have it there.. I guess it's like people having anything in their sig, like parenting choices (cloth bummed etc).. It's what they want people to know at the time in a short 5 line space..

I also understand what you mean by defining you though, and for me, I don't think my grief 'defines' me anymore (It did at 1st) but I still want it known that I am a Mummy.. Also I have their website and montage links because I guess, not only am I proud to show off my bubs, but I want to get awareness out there. I know how much it helped me to know I wasn't alone.. If someone new joins BB, maybe they know someone or will know someone in the future that will lose a baby (or they might) and they can look at me and draw things from my experience..I hope I make sense..

I don't think anyone is right or wrong for what they have in their sig..

[~Kim~]

Funny you type this as I often think...'I wonder if that makes me different because I don't want them there'.
I have lost more babies than I have carried, and while they are a part of me and a part of my TTC, I dunno, I just don't need them in my ticker. That sounds so heartless when I type but it isn't.
Sometimes I feel like I need to justify my response in the M&L threads because many people here don't know my history and it isn't advertised, but hey, that's my silly hangup lol.

I know what you mean about the TTCAMAL too.

[Tinsel]

I had one loss at 10 weeks and had a little angel in my signature for a while but removed it. I'm not sure why.

Keike, I just wanted to say that I love the names you have chosen for your bubs.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thank you Tinsel

[Miss.September]

I had one loss before DD. I have never put an angel in my ticker. It doesn't make it any less there in my heart, it doesn't make me forget, I just don't feel it needs to be there, for me. I totally understand those who have them, and I support them totally, but if you don't want the angel there, it doesn't take the memory away, it doesn't mean you don't feel anything, it just means that you don't have an angel in your ticker.

[Rouge]

I don't have any children in my sig (or angels). I like people to get to know me by talking to me, not just by reading my signature. I'm a bit like that though. But I totally understand why people have theirs in their sigs.

[NaeNae]

I don't have an angel ticker but I do have them in my signature.

I have them there because they are a part of my life and the sole reason I came to BB in the first place. BB is the only place I can "acknowledge" ALL of my lost babies and not just my first born daughter.

Here in BB noone ever says to me "it was just a clump of cells that stopped forming" but they do IRL, the people here support the loss as a loss regardless of if was 4 weeks or 24 weeks ........ no where else does that happen in my life.

My losses do not define me, Nikita's does a little but the others don't, however they have helped shape the type of mother I am and will continue to be again BB is the only place I have where there are others "like me".

HTH somewhat

[Traveller]

I don't have my loss in my signature either. If I'm honest the only reason I remember the month it happened is because my 12 week ultrasound was scheduled for my sister's EDD. It's not that I didn't mourn, I did. In fact it was one of the hardest things I have ever been through and I mourned for a long time, but I have a permanent reminder in the form of a tattoo and it has honestly never occurred to me to put my loss in my sig.

[~MummaBear~]

i have my DD in my sig, i have all my kids in there... I dont know if it is jsut something that i am going through right now but being a mummy defines me and to a certain extent my grief for my DD defines the mummy that i am ...
And all that aside she is my DD i birthed her, i held her and i kissed her goodbye so if the other kids belong there i feel that she does too!

But if you feel that you dont want to put your LO in your sig that is cool too... we all handle things differently and i am sure there is no one on here that would think you took it out because you didnt care or you didnt want to remember!

i guess that was a really long way to say.. Do what makes you happy lol

[~Hestia~]

I have mine in my sig. I guess it never occured to me to not do it - but I feel like I need it there. I recently wrote a thread about how I'm still grieving, how this loss is affecting everything I do lately. So I guess it is defining me at the moment. I might take it off later but I need it there right now.

I guess another part of it is that pretty soon most people IRL are going to forget this happened, forget I had another baby on the way. So maybe I also have it there so it's not forgotten. Don't know but you have certainly made me think

you do what you feel is right & you won't be wrong.

[diannescruffy]

I have my angels in my sig because they were and still are a part of me. My whole family is listed and they are part of my family.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

[Kazbah]

I have never considered putting my early loss in my ticker, and it's actually something I was worrying about and discussed with my psych. I have considered the loss, I have rationalised it in my mind, and that I am aware of it happening yet don't grieve is just part of me.

FWIW, I've also held off on early testing as I didn't want to know of any chemical pregnancies.

[Razzberry]

I have always kept mine in my sig as some of the others have said - I don't want it forgotten as nobody acknowledges that baby IRL.

Just wanted to add - I really miss my baby and I only knew about it for a few weeks..

[crumpet]

i have my angel in my sig, but to be honest i have it there because i feel like i have to....

id rather not have the constant reminder of trauma of that week leading up to DS's arrival but it doesnt seem right to delete it even though id rather not see it everytime i post...

[Traveller]

i have my angel in my sig, but to be honest i have it there because i feel like i have to....

id rather not have the constant reminder of trauma of that week leading up to DS's arrival but it doesnt seem right to delete it even though id rather not see it everytime i post...

It's such a personal thing, I think what this thread shows is that there is no right or wrong way to remember a loss. If it hurts you to see yours remembered in your signature it's ok to remove it.

[JennaJayen]

I have always put mine in my sig because they are a part of what makes me who I am today, I wouldn't be the person I am without them and that is a big thing for me.
I also spent years holding it all inside with no one to talk to about them, and no one in my family ever acknowledges them either, like it's a taboo subject (they do the same to my aunt and uncle who lost their little girl at almost 19wks in 2004), and I still don't have many people in RL who aren't on the forum who will listen when I feel the need to talk... I guess I am still greiving - I know I am still greiving a lot for my first angel anyway, somehow he is much more important to me than any of the others are/were - and it stops me from forgetting all the ones that I don't think of very often.

Everyone feels things differently, and deals with things in different ways - it was one of my ways of dealing.