Up and Down and All Over the Place!

[Ilithyia]

So it only been 5 days since I found out I lost my little one and in that time I've been on an emotional roller coaster.

Obviously I have been thinking about whether to try for another one but I'm not really sure if its the right time to even be thinking about it. But I really can't help it.

I have such a passion for all things pregnany, birth and baby so I am around it ALL the time. I am Doula. I am Student Midwife. I am a Mum. I am a Woman. I can't escape it and TBH, I don't want to. I love it. I love it so much that even in this time of grief, all I can do is weep and smile when I read, watch or see pictures of other Women's Birth journies. I am so happy for them and to see the absolute exhilaration on their faces. And my own grief has made me even more obesessed!

But its that the problem. Am I involving myself in it too much to be able to make a clear decision about what is right for me?

I have these ups and down. I will think - ok, its probably a good idea to just wait until at least March or later next year and start trying then. I have Uni and I might be going to Peru for a Uni trip. And I've even set myself up to go with the BB Girls to Sydney in June next year.

But then I think, I can't wait until then. I need to be pregnant again asap!! I need to go on and to feel that wondeful moment where I hold my beautiful child in my arms. I need to feel that love and emotion again. I never thought I would ever feel this after losing a baby so early into a pregnany. But I feel like my arms are empty. And now, so is my Womb.

I am only guessing but I would say all that I am writing and feeling is apart of this process. And I am sure so many Women have been through this before me. And right now I am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel. What a sh*t way to end such a good day. I did so well today. I didn't cry once!

Sorry if this is ramble. I need to get this out.

[tellytubby]

Oh Sara
What an incredible woman you are to be able to smile and show happiness for others

When I experienced a mc in january last year, my dr told me I could try for one right away if I wanted, however some women need a bit of time to grieve. We waited one cycle and then began ttc. We actually concieved first attempt The thing is, every woman is different. Some women need time to feel prepared emotionally, others don't. You need to listen to your heart.. and it sounds to me like your heart is ready for a baby now.

When we were ttc #1, it was like a switch was flicked inside my heart, out of nowhere all I could think about was babies, pregnancy, and in general - how much I needed to become a mother. Is it safe to say that your switch has also be 'flicked'? hehe. Sorry, I'm rambling...

It is up to you.. if you feel ready, than go for it.

Hope this has helped, and not confused
xxoo

[Tegam]

I never thought I would ever feel this after losing a baby so early into a pregnany. But I feel like my arms are empty. And now, so is my Womb.

I am only guessing but I would say all that I am writing and feeling is apart of this process. And I am sure so many Women have been through this before me. And right now I am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel. .

It is a rollercoaster babe thats why it feels like one!

There is no right or wrong answer to your question about having another baby! I remember feeling so shocked both times the Drs have told me to wait up to a year before trying again. ARE YOU KIDDING me, you want me to feel this empty for a year! I just couldnt have coped and i am so sorry for those women that have then taken a long time to fall. I have fallen again quickly both times and while that makes a very long pregnancy with all the worry its still better than the should we shouldnt we!

Also there really is no right time to have a baby. Life goes on around you especially when you already have kids. Plan your life away but just go with the flo if bubs comes along!

Huge hugs!

[garfield13]

(((hugs))) its such a hard thing to go through. I do remember feeling similar straight after our loss, I went from not even wanting to think about pg at all to wanting to, having to be pg asap. Im still feeling like that, but its less extreme now. I've just had af return & we are planning to ttc again and i want to but at the same time Im so scared

[lissy]

Sara hon I am sorry that you are going through this. I think you are right & that what you are feeling is a normal reaction after a mc. I felt the same way after mine, all I wanted was to have that life inside of me again & to feel whole. It was such a strong yearning, like nothing I've ever felt before.... like I HAD to have it or I might just break in half. I don't know if its the same for everyone, but the intensity of the feelings did ease eventually for me. Give yourself the time & you will make the best decision for you.