Hi
I never thought I'd be posting in the miscarriage threads, I guess you never think it will happen to you.

After everything I went through last year, (I had brain surgery to cure me of a cruel disease Cushings Disease, I had to still be mummy to a 3 year old while I was recovering and am on a lot of medications as I now naturally have no hormones - I had hormone injections to fall pregnant, I was the longest "cycle" of needle the doc had ever had) I fell pregnant with twins.

There was always a "little twin" and I had a feeling in the back of my mind that he/she would not have a smooth run, he/she never seemed active as the other one, he/she would just kinda roll from side to side instead of kicking like the "big twin".

So at 5.5weeks I had twins, one 3 days smaller than the other, at 8.5 weeks I had two heart beats both still growing at same pace, at 10 weeks I had twins (that little twin fine to the doctors but not to me), at 14 weeks, my little twin had not grown since the 10 week scan and there was no heartbeat present.

That was the Monday before Christmas, all the cards and letters had gone out announcing I was pregnant with twins, by 14 weeks I was starting to think about getting 2 of everything and selling my car etc etc I got given the second cot the day before I found out the little twin was lost.

At the 19 week scan, my big twin is doing so so well, we did not find out what we were having... the little twin was still there, and still only 3.07cm, it is apparently going to get smaller as the big twin gets bigger and get absorbed in my body, there still may be a bit left by the time the big twin is born.

Someone asked me what I had named it and of course at 10-14weeks there is no way to know if it was a boy or a girl but I thought Tammy was nice, Tammy means twin.

My big twin will always know we had a little twin that didnt make it, and as I am a very open person EVERYONE basically knows that there were two and now there is one.

It is hard though, I know most people who lose a baby dont have another one to think about, they have nothing, so I almost feel like what has happened doesnt matter, I still have one baby in there growing and kicking and I am so so so so lucky.

My 3 year old understands that the baby has died, and her daycare teacher died in the floods so now she knows that he is looking after the baby up there.
She was my rock as my hubby is always working she would cuddle me whenever she could tell I was thinking about the baby.

I have a anterior placenta so I try not to get worried when I dont feel the baby for a while, as I know from having an anterior placenta with DD is is perfectly normal but so so so hard when the little twin had stopped living and I didnt know for so long.

Not sure why I posted but maybe if someone else has lost a twin early in the pregnancy and still had one healthy twin could share their thoughts it would help me, I understand it is quite common.

Thanks