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Thread: Maz's train left with my two angels

  1. #1

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    Default Maz's train left with my two angels

    IM a pretty black and white person and honestly, I scare a few people with how I am. So I hope I dont offend any one out there with what I am about to post because its just the way I am and how I cope.

    I suffered really bad migrainse on the pill, so I decided with Jed to take a break for a month, do a detox to myself and just 'tango' around but be carefull not to when we o/v ect. HA didnt work. I just have to look at Jed's willy and i swear I fall pg. We were classed as highly fertile when I got my tubes reversed (had to have a few tests for it)

    Started to get a bit excited but not to much, had a funny feeling as you sometime get. Started roughly planning some things and it just didnt feel right.

    Had an u/s on wednesday (I think) the 14th March, saw 'squirmy' at the beginning stages but still to early to detect properly.
    Started bleeding friday after 'tangoing' roughly..blasted Jed lol. Got a bit heavier on saturday and I went to the emergency department. Tested and said cause I had no clots or no cramping that I could possible still be pg and to go home a rest. Bleeding stopped sunday morning (YAY). This whole time I had the worst m/s and ate a blasted pizza for breakfast one morning . Bleeding started monday afternoon again, still no cramps or clots. Cramps like period pain started tuesday night in bed so wednesday when the bleeding was worse, I went to the emergency department again.

    Bloods were done and showed my HCG levels dropping so off to u/s i went. Very educational really. Got a great guy fresh from Sydney and he explained everything. Told me about a ENDO (I think thats what it was called) Its were the baby is attacthed to the womb and leaves like an inprint of itsself. He says ' see there is one and there is number two' I just said 'what the f $$$' as you do. Yep, by the way one of the endo's had decreased he said I passed one approx 5 days ago (saturday) and the other on only 24-48 hours ago. So I was pg with twins. I think I was more shocked about being pg with twins than m/s really. In saying this, I am also releaved. They say that early bleeding in a pg can mean that something may be wrong with your baby even if you still carry to full term. I dont think I could handle another child with a disability, let alone 2. So I am greatful in one respect that if there was something wrong, that my babies decided it was their time to go, but they were apart of me and for a brief momment, I was a mummy to 5.

    I didnt really get upset about my babies going on their own way. I suppose the big man up stairs had other plans for them and their on their way to a new mummy and daddy that I bet will love them just as much. I dont really get upset until someone asks if im alright and am I coping. $hit no, im alright on the outside but im tearing away my flesh from the inside. Its amazing the faces we have to wear in our society and around those we love. If I show im upset around my kids, they will ask questions and I dont want to close myself of in my self pity from them. It just wants me want to hug and hold them even more.

    So on Wednesday the 21st of March my darling little Willo and Sunni found a new journey to fullfill. I'll never forget you both. I love you



    thanks guys for being wonder friends
    xxmaz

  2. #2

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    Maz, thank you for sharing everything. I already posted to you in another thread but let me say again that I am so very sorry that your little beauties have died. Big hugs & lots of love.

  3. #3

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    Maz- I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little babies - the names you chose for them are beautiful.

  4. #4

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    You know what matey....you are such a strong woman, i don't know how you do it. I'm sure whoever the person is that gets your two angels next is going to be a very lucky lady. Big hugs to you sweetie...now get on ya bike!!!!! (you know what i mean!)

  5. #5

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    Aww Maz, I am so sorry I know that persona you are talking about, and it's times like these that you just want to drop it and scream!

    Like I said to you if you ever need to talk, I am here :hugs:

    Tanya

  6. #6

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    I agree Shan

  7. #7

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    OOOh Maz.....

    Thank-you for sharing your words & feelings....

    Unfortunately I know what it's like to be tearing apart inside & being so happy & brave on the outside!

    I just know your 2 little Angels will travel with you forever in spirit, I hope they find someone to love them as much as you do!!!


    Sweet Dreams Willow & Sunni...............

  8. #8

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    aaawww so sorry to hear maz, like you said the man upstairs has important plans for your little angels, take care hun..

  9. #9

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    Maz~ I am so sorry to hear that you lost your bubbas. Wow did you ever imagine you would get pregnant with twins??? Keep the chin up. Thinking of you.

  10. #10
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious twins, Maz. Huge hugs.

  11. #11

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    I'm so sorry Maz. Email me if you need to talk. Luv you hun xx.

  12. #12

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    Sorry maz,please ring me if you need a chat.I love your names for the twinnies too.
    Please dont bottle your feelings.Remember you can tell us anything,or me i wont get offended.love cadx

  13. #13

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    Maz I'm so sorry your two littlies didn't make it. Big hugs for you.

  14. #14

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    Maz, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious little angels.

    Huge hugs to you sweety

  15. #15

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    Sorry for your loss

  16. #16

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    Maz sorry for your twins loss. Im sure they will watch over their mum and dad forever.

  17. #17

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    Maz, I am so sorry for your loss. What beautiful names

  18. #18

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    So sorry Maz - big hugs for you. It rips inside doesn't it? But dont be afraid to tell people in the real world what you are feeling - you might help someone else get through their pain too.

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