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Thanks flowerchild, every minute it is getting easier. And the more i hear from women who have lost children in the past and gone on to have successful pregnancies makes me feel more and more reassured. I truly appreciate this website/forums. It is such a wonderful way to get support 24/7.
My DP Murray and I lost our son on Tuesday at 18w 6d after my waters broke at 17w 5d. We conceived through ICSI and thought we were safe as I had bleeding from a sub chorionic haematoma at 8 weeks that had disappeared by the time we had out NT scan at 13 weeks.
I am still numb and am waiting for someone to tell me it has been an enormous mistake and our little boy is still growing.
Charles is our first child and now having a baby has gone from something I was so happy and almost smug about (getting through NT, no more haematoma nearly at 20 weeks) to the saddest thing I have ever experienced.
This site was amazing during the IVF process and I have read stories on here that have broken my heart but there is some comfort to know that people have tread this path before me and are now strong enough to offer support to others.
Thanks
Adele
Oh Adele,
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I am sure there is nothing i can say at this time that will make you feel any better. I hope that you and Murray are seeking solace in each other at this tough time. I know i cannot understand what you are going through but i hope that you get through this with time.
I pray for your little one in heaven and for you and Murray also.
Emily
BTW Hollywood is everything ok? I hope you are feeling more at ease and your appt went well.
Thanks Emily
I am sending my prayers to you and DH as well. I am so sorry for your loss and you story made me weep.
Take care
Adele
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Hi everyone,
I'm a newie trying to connect with others who have experienced a loss of a baby. I lost my little boy Joshua at 20w 6d, on 1.10.08. He was born sleeping. I did an IVF cycle in May this year and conceived on my first go ( what a blessing ) and things were progressing great, small bleed at 11 weeks, was told it could have come from the implantation site. I have a nasty big fibroid that started to degenerate and sent my uterus into spasms, then contractions days after my 20 week scan. Can't believe I'm not pregnant as I should be....he was due on 12.02.09.
Beata :(
:hug: Beata70 :hug:
I am soo very sorry about the loss of little Joshua.
Its a very difficult time for you, there are so many women who experience loss and everytime i read a new story my heart just aches.
I know how you are feeling now - I felt the same but I took some comfort knowing that my little girl is in the arms of my Nan and is with many family members who will look after her until we are reunited.
You will find BB is a terrific place to share your story and to find support, hundreds of women and men to help make you laugh, who'll support you when you need to vent and to offer words of comfort when you are down.
Be kind to yourself, allow whatever feeling to rise to the surface and accept them as "normal" grieving is a very personal thing and everyone does it differently. Seek help from Professionals if you feel like you need to but know this is an option and you do not have to even if you get told you should, you will know what you need right now.
If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to pm me, I am more than happy to be an ear or shoulder if you need one. Sometimes its easier to talk to a complete stranger and the anonimity (sp?) of BB users can help also.
all my love and hugs
Nae x x x
Hi,
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. Take time to grieve and I would also encourage that you seek professional counselling. You will find lots of comfort and support here on bb as unfortunately there are many of us who have lost angels. Keep your precious memories of your son close to your heart.
Big hugs to you.
Regards,
Dianne
Hi Nae and Dianne,
Thanks so much for your very kind words and your understanding. It's so good to chat to someone who really understands, and really cares. Losing a baby is definitelly the most devastating and heart breaking experience I've been through, and what upsets me even more that there is still so many girls out there who will go through the same experience. My heart just goes out to them as I know what a life changing and painful experience it is. My heart goes out to you both also, I know what is like to walk in the shoes of a mother who definitely doesn't deserve her baby being taken away so soon.
I'm getting a bit better now, I have been seeing a grief councillor for the last 2 months and I have gone to a support meeting throug SANDS which has been very confronting but good for me to get my feelings out in the open. These girls have also experienced a terrible loss, and some quite a while ago and they still find it hard to talk about it.
I love talking about Joshua as it makes me feel like he's always with me, and especially when others talk about him because to me they are acknowledging him.
I also believe that my relatives and those of my partner Alan, are looking after Joshua and probably fighting amongs themselves for babysitting rights !!
I think my faith in God has really helped me with my loss, and I know he is in a really good place, although I would give anything for him to still be here.
Thanks again for your kind thoughts, and for your great support. It means so much to me.
Lots of love and hugs
Beata xx
Hey girls,
Is anyone feeling a little depressed with xmas coming up and seemingly endless numbers of prego women walking about out there at the moment ? Is it just me or is it my imagination ? I thought I was doing OK and the last coluple of days I've been on so down.....
Today they rang me from the memorial park to tell me Joshua's plaque is ready to be put down, and when would I like to bury his ashes ??? Gee, I thought I'd be OK doing this but now I don't know if I can part with his ashes...I tought it'd be nice to have his plaque down for xmas so I can put some decorations at his little plot for xmas, but now I find the whole thing quite depressing.
Hugs to all
Beata :(
Hi Beata,
It really does help to talk to people who have been through a loss, we can only understand what each other are going through. I too like to talk about Emmanuel, I really believe it helps in the healing process. I'm really glad you have sought counselling, I hope it helps. I really believe God helped me and my family through our loss, I know he carried me through the times when I thought I couldn't cope. God was the one who gave me the strength to get through the loss of my son because without him I wouldn't be where I am today. I pray that you will be able to let go of your precious angels ashes and know that he is in heaven in the precious arms of Jesus.
Take care,
Dianne
Hi Dianne,
It's good to talk to someone who really understands. I'm so sorry for the loss of your two little angels :hug: I know they are watching over you always. If it wasn't for my faith in God, I would be so lost. I still think Joshua should be here instead of being in heaven, but he was taken away from me for what ever reason, and is now being taken care of by my relatives and that of my partner, and that is of great comfort.
I talk to Joshua a lot, and I always say to him that one day I'll get to know him when it's my turn to go, and I'll be able to give him a great big hug. I just love my little boy so much.
Look after yourself and your little one Dianne.
Lots of hugs
Beata. xx
Is there anyone else out there in limbo land... not ttc, not pg... just waiting??
I feel like I don't belong anywhere... very lost :( I want to be pregnant again... but we need to wait. I don't think I will start to cycle for a while yet and I think it best to wait for results from amnio. I also want to get my folate levels up.
Anyway, not sure if I am talking to myself... but I need to talk....
Tanya big :hug: to you hun. Limbo land is not a nice place to be in. I know the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again but hang in there. Thinking of you.
Regards,
Dianne
Tanya, I've never been in the situation you've been in (and hope not to be ever) but if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here for you :hug:
I never thought I'd join this thread but here i am.
arghh
Hi.
*Bree-Ana* here..
Ok, i'm 16..
But i recently lost my baby girl Elena..
I have no one to talk to that understands me. Not even my own mother.
I have people around me getting pregnant and it really hurts cause some are friends and are constantly asking what to do..
I only got up to 12 weeks (barely) and they ask me something and i just freeze up.
They all know i just lost my baby girl. Although its now been 2 months since i lost her.
It still hurts like i only found out an hour ago..
It like the memory of that ultra-sound won't leave my mind. And when it's popped into my head its like i can hear a heartbeat in the background..
How do i make it go away?
Its just making my heart brake a little more each time.
*Bree-Ana*
Big big :hug: to you, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel. This is a really difficult time for you right now, just take day by day, it does get a little easier with time. Although the pain never leaves us we somehow learn to deal with our grief. I hope you have lots of family and friends for support, you need that right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping 24wks
Trisomy 13