Goldilocks - I too am very sorry for your loss.
Much of what you haev said rings very true in my heart. 12 weeks isn't the "safe time" and all the beautiful naivety of being pregnant is gone once you have suffered a loss liek this.
I had a missed miscarriage, and had to go through the pain of seeing the lifeless little bubby on the screen that should have been 11 weeks, but only measure 9. Its heartbreaking, and now everytime I have been for a scan iwith this pregnancy, I have been in tears before being able to look at the screen and see my little bundle moving around.
If anything - this experience will teach you how lucky we are to carry healthy babies, and I certainly have not taken this pregnnacy for granted like I did my other 2.

It sounds like your husband is a gem - and I'm sure there will be happier news for you on the horizon. Take some "me time" and just chill - you have alot of healing to get through.

All our thoughts are with you.

Fi