I think the card is a beautiful gesture and maybe even just writing from the heart exactly how you feel, basically what you have just posted, that you have reservations about doing it as having BTDT yourself you only know how you coped but just wanted her to know that you were thinking of her.
You are lovely person to be thinking of trying to support her. xx
I don't really have any advise just wanted to say how intune you are with how she might be feeling. I wish more of my friends were like you and would stop trying to commemorate my loss. 6months on I am still a conplete mess which is only made worse by friends bring up what has happened when all I want to do is dwell in my own self pity.
I hope you find a nice way to let her know your thinking of her. I am sure knowing how it feels and be so intune with how people grieve differently you wont add to her heartache.
Have you the type of relationship that you could directly ask her? What can i do?
I know what you mean about people grieving differently but I *think at the end of the day a meal delivered is always a wonderful gesture. It's not so in your face iykwim?
I think that you can over think it. Do what feels right. A meal is always lovely. A card in not intrusive. Don't over think being pregnant, its not an unusual thing and something she will have to face sooner rather than later. Can u offer to have her child over to play? Make some play dough or gather some age appropriate activities so the child is amused if the mummy need some time to herself????
Send the flowers. Or call. Or send a message saying "I'd love to call you - when is a good time?" and leave it in her court.
This is all based on my feelings in July last year. Not enough people made the first move, and I got so so SO sick of always being the one to take the deep breath and call someone, or be the first to talk about "it."
As for pregnant friends... depending how much she knows your history, it might be OK. I know for me, I cope really well with pregnancy announcements if I know it's someone who's taken a hard road to get there. I don't know why - it's like it feels "safe" and they're less likely to say unappreciative or ungrateful things about their pregnancy, or use stupid cliches in an attempt to make you feel better.
So, that's sort of my advice. Give her a bit of time, then make an offer to see her, or talk. And then don't be upset if she doesn't want to.
Apologies for not coming back in here all week, I've had limited access.
Thank you all for your help. I decided to send her a card with "Thinking of you, let me know if I can do anything" written in it, and I think it was well-received. I'm giving her some space to grieve and hope to see her next week some time to say hi.
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