I've just found out that my pg is a blighted ovum, now I've had a natural m/c before at 5 weeks and I'm 9 weeks and 3 days today. We found out yesterday and I've had my cry and am sure I will have more tears in the near future, I've got a d&c on Monday.
But on to the advice bit, my 9 yr old knows that I was pg and I have absolutely no idea in how to tell him that there is no baby and that I'm not going to be pg anymore. He's a very sensitive boy and I'm finding it hard trying to find the right words. I've orgainised for the school chaplin to speak to him on monday as I'm planning on telling him over the weekend.
Oh, lovely, I wish I wasn't reading this
Play it straight with your boy and answer his questions that he'll ask. I'm answering 3.5yo questions about a family friend who passed away and I answer him. His little brain makes other things of it, but he'll get it one day (like just now he's saying that our friend died and he will be magicked back and he won't be sick anymore, so I just say "I hope so"!).
All you can do is be there for him and if he's ok with it for now, then he's ok with it for now and you can get back to you
I'm so sorry that the pg wasn't to be
More (((hugs)))
Keep the lines open with him, let him know that there will be days that you will be upset and when those days come tell him that you are having one of those days. I have no doubt he will have lots of questions and they may take months to come out.
ANd lots of extra hugs for him.
Lots of love to you all.
xx
When I was six, my dear pre-school friend Clayton's mum had a miscarriage. We knew about it - our mums were very close, and the older kids stayed at our place when she went to hospital. So we talked about it at the time. Quite straightforward, no crap, just "the baby died. There was nothing anyone could do to help it."
I know that for me, it was a big enough deal that I put my hand up in class to tell my teacher about it.
I don't think I talked about it much at the time. But the event has never left my memory
I think it's really important to be completely honest with him, and let him know what he can do if he wants to talk about it. Don't fret if he doesn't want to. He will understand and remember. Let him know how you feel too - see it as an opportunity to grieve together, and be his role model for this experience. He will get a lot from it, as an adult when he has to deal with grief, and he understands that it's OK to cry, talk about it etc. Try to tell him first what to expect - that it's OK to cry, or not to cry, that you might still cry sometimes even a few months on. (nine months on from my loss, I still do)
Give him an opportunity to have some input - maybe say something like "would you like to do something to remember that baby?" He might love to light a candle, or plant a flower or similar.
Let us know how it goes. I've been thinking of you a lot, my love.
Amanda I was thinking about this overnight, I think Audax is spot on.
To add: not that you would ever wish this on anyone, but your boy will grow up to be a man with more compassion should this ever arise in his own life. It could be his wife or girlfriend in your position, or a close friend, or wife of a close friend.
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Need some advice
any ideas.
i am so sorry
I have no advice but just wnated to give you another
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