I am sorry you are going through this Rory.
I think Janie said it beautifully - go with your heart. When we found our baby had died at a 10 week scan, I did not want a D&C as I felt IVF had been enough intervention and I could not go through the emotional turmoil of having to go into hospital when I felt so awful. But DD's birthday was coming up so I also did not want to wait so I took the tablets and they worked wonderfully. Ir felt much better to be able to end it in the comfort of my home. but having said that I ended up with a D&C as went back for IVF and the doctor did a scan and there were still retained products. But a D&C 6 weeks later was much less emotional.