It's been two years since all of this happened, but I still have a burning question.
Was anyone else forced to return to work before they had even finished miscarrying? I work in an office, and they were under the impression that if I can work with my period, I could work through this. SO NOT THE SAME.
Anyway, I had a doctor's certificate, which I presented my (female) boss with, and she told me she expected to see me at work the next day. I was given one day to grieve. I am so angry sometimes I could do terrible terrible things.
What she did was illegal. I'm sure I should have been entitled to bereavement leave... or compassionate leave, or even sick leave for god's sake.
Has this happened to anyone else? I spent two weeks sitting at my desk, bleeding and crying spontaneously with an audience of 9 other women. I was even reprimanded for taking too many toilet breaks. Oh, I'm sorry I'll just bleed all over the place, so I can answer your precious phonecalls.
Damn them. Maybe if I was given some time to reflect and recover, I wouldn't be feeling this way two years later. It's been so long, but I just can't forget what they did to me. My wellbeing means ZERO. I am nothing more than a typing phone answering machine to them. I've since been transferred to another department, and am much happier there. I told my new boss what happened (male), and his compassion was amazing. He told me if it happened while I was under his supervision, it would have been different. He is a caring and kind man. What the hell is wrong with some people......?
Please tell me I am not the only one to experience such a lack of compassion.
I can't believe she did that, sometimes people amaze me but for all the WRONG reasons. It would be so easy for me and everyone else to give you advice on what you should have done eg gone to HR or the union but at the time you were probably feeling very vulnerable and confused. Which I guess is when employers like her can take the most advantage.
Thankfully you are with a more caring supervisor now, good luck with your next pregnancy.
I know, I know. I still go over and over it in my mind and I'm still shocked by it. I got the "it wasn't planned, so it doesn't matter" lecture. "now you can go back to normal." Normal?! ugh....
There is no HR. She is HR. And the union? I am not a member. I doubt they would have done anything for me. The little guy can't fight the big companies. I probably could have sued, but they would have denied denied denied. And I would be left without an income in the end. Of course, I am highly employable, being 25 and skilled at what I do...... but the fear and confusion stopped me from defending myself. I regret that every day. I have to look her in the eye every day. I try to kill her with kindness.
I guess I did what I had to do to protect my income. Sad my baby had to come second to a job.
Wow, I can't believe your boss did this to you, it's so cruel. You definately needed more time to grieve and to put you through that is just wrong. Good to hear you are now in a different department with a caring boss.
forshelby, I'm very sorry for your loss. You have every right to be angry and I am disgusted at what you were put through.Years ago, a lovely woman I worked with told me she had her miscarriage at home and I was horrified - I'd always assumed it happened in hospital. Sadly, I know differently now. But to have to go through that at work, and answer phones, and deal with workmates, is terribly upsetting. I'm so sorry you had to go through this and glad you have a new manager who is understanding but it must be terribly difficult to see that person every day.
I had a different grief experience, but a similar response from workmates and a boss, that was very upsetting when I was the same age as you. Eventually I talked to my GP about it and had some counseling and it helped me to deal with it. There are some ignorant uncaring people in the world and there's nothing we can do about it but be loving and caring and completely not like them in our lives and in the way we treat others. Sadly, sometimes there is no other recourse and you just have to let it go in order to move forward yourself, as unfair as that feels. Your grief is more important than her lack of compassion. I hope you can find some peace with this.
Your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you so much for your wisdom. I am so sorry you had a similar experience, and you're right. There is nothing we can do except be loving and caring people, even in the face of such cruelty.
I am more at peace than ever after breaking my silence and telling my story a few days ago. A weight has been lifted, ever so slightly. I see daylight again, and it's mostly because of women like you taking the time to open your hearts to me. I am so grateful for the opportunity to speak with you..... you truly are a wise woman. I will remember what you've said whenever I feel angry and upset. Your words are a great comfort to me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.... you are wonderful. From one mother to another.
That is terrible
I couldn't read this thread without posting a response.
I am so so sorry that that happened to you. Don't beat yourself up, you were vulnerable and confused. Your boss should have had compassion...
I hope you can move on.
Take peace in the thought that you're a much better woman than she.
xx
forshelby - i had a similar experience but not quite the same - i knew i was going to lose my baby (ivf pregnancy) but had to wait for it to happen - i couldn't stay at home as it was just doing my head in, so i chose to go to work. i told my direct supervisor what was happening, and he was a pig about it. he was just rude and i was disgusted with him. i left and went home. the next time it happened, i again chose to work, and was told i had to go to an offsite meeting on MY LUNCH BREAK - which, given i was in pain and bleeding, i didn't want to do. i told him i wouldn't be going - he told me i had no choice - ummm YES I DO - my lunch is unpaid - it's MY time! anyway, he pushed further so i told him what was happening (after the first incident, i'd sworn he wouldn't know) and he told me if i could be at work, i could walk to the venue for the meeting - if i didn't go, i would have to take the afternoon off as sick leave - so i swore at him and left on sick leave!
i was called into a meeting with our site supervisor when i returned to work and he asked what had happened (apparently swearing at your boss is bad...) - when i told him, he was appalled. the following week i had a new supervisor and was a much happier person all round.
there is nothing you can do to change what has been. you have started to work through the pain and anger now, and you will continue to work through it. don't let anger at the woman cloud your grief though - all that does it hurt you more. what has happened has happened. if the unthinkable occurs and this happens again, you will be able to face it differently - you're new sipervisor sounds like he is much better. i just hope you never face this again
as to the "it wasn't planned" sentiment - i just want to say WHO CARES?!?! many MANY pregnancies are unplanned - that doesn't mean that the baby is unloved. that doesn't mean you don't bond with that little blob from the moment you suspect it exists!
hugs hun - you've done a great thing reaching out and spilling this - the only way to work through grief and anger is to find a way to process it - this is your first step.
I went back to work before I finished m/c'ing too back in 2007 - and it was so hard, though my boss was really good about it - I decided I needed to keep my mind occupied so I went. again
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