My sister has lost her baby

[mel_cur]

Sadly I just found out that my sister has lost her baby. She was about 8w pregnant we think.

More of the story here US showed no baby?

I feel so bad as I am currently 13w pregnant and I don't know what to say to her. She is stuck at work and her hubbie is currently away till saturday and I don't know what to do.

Is there anything that helped you or anything someone said that magically helped?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I'm so sorry

Nothing magically helps, sadly. Usually I would recommend just going over there and being with her, but if you're 13 weeks pregnant, I would suggest ringing and talking, and just asking her if she would like some company. Don't mention your pregnancy at the moment - believe me, she'll be painfully aware of it. But given that you're sisters, she may still want your company.

You could also offer to make dinner for a few nights, or arrange a meal roster with your family and her friends, to take the burden off the couple for a little while.

[~Hestia~]

When I had my miscarriage last month, I really appreciated the food baskets a few friends dropped over. At least then I didn't have to think about dinner, one even included food for my toddler son (unsure if your sister has any other children). I would send her a text or call telling her you're going to drop something over & ask if she'd rather you left it on the doorstep. But seeing her DH is away she'd probably like the company.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's loss

[diannescruffy]

to you and your sister. Unfortunately there are no magical words but just let your sister know that you are there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. Maybe a little memorial gift in rememberance of her baby.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

[Babyluv]

There's nothing you can magically say to make it better. Sometimes it's best not to say anything but 'i'm so sorry' and give hugs. So many ppl said things like 'it wasn't meant to be' and that just hurts.
The other thing that hurt me was that everyone ignored the fact. It hurts for weeks & months after, even still now it hurts. And I couldn't understand why noone asked me' how I was doing? It can be a very lonely time so just giving her hugs telling her your sorry for what's happened & that you're there for her anytime she needs to chat will help her.
My heart goes out to your sister xx

[Liviam]

I'm so sorry for your sisters loss.

Fly free little angel

[Miss.B]

I'm sorry your sister lost her little bubbie . There are no magic words hun, just lots of hugs and being there for her.

[mel_cur]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I just heard back from my sister and her BT have risen, which means she has an ectopic pregnancy. She has the worst luck

She is going to the GP after work today to see what is the next stage. I think the GP mentioned early that they could wait and see if it passes, take a tablet or have an operation?

She says the cramps haven't been that bad but fairly heavy bleeding

[mummydreamer]

im so sorry to hear that, hugs to your sister i lost a baby in 2009 at 7 weeks, and i was devastated. unfortunately, there was nothing anyone could say or do that would make it hurt less or make me feel better. your sister will just need to grieve in her own time and in her own way. as long as you let her know that you're there for her as much as she needs, im sure that will mean a lot to her. and i agree with another poster, maybe offer dinner or just a shoulder to cry on? poor thing, hope she doesn't end up needing an operation.....

[lissy]

There's nothing you can magically say to make it better. Sometimes it's best not to say anything but 'i'm so sorry' and give hugs. So many ppl said things like 'it wasn't meant to be' and that just hurts.
The other thing that hurt me was that everyone ignored the fact. It hurts for weeks & months after, even still now it hurts. And I couldn't understand why noone asked me' how I was doing? It can be a very lonely time so just giving her hugs telling her your sorry for what's happened & that you're there for her anytime she needs to chat will help her. My heart goes out to your sister xx

This is exactly right. If you can be there for her but not in her face every minute of the day, that is the very best thing you can do for her.
I found I needed space so I could greive without worrying about going to pieces in front of someone else, but sometimes i also wanted someone to just sit with me on the couch, to just be there with me in the same space.

I think a comemorative idea is a really good thing, but a little further down the track. Just to show her that you haven't forgotten & that what she went through was a real thing. None of my family or even DF for that matter have ever brought my MC up since & it makes me feel like it wasn't a big deal & they were able to move on so easily.

to you & your sis dahl.

[Yas]

Mel to you and your sister.I have been in a similar situation, i had a missed mc at 11w5d (d&c when i was meant to be 12w) last year in august, and my mum was 10 days ahead of me. It was really hard, and tbh i didn't want to be around my mum for a couple of months (but that was only partly because she was pg, there were alot of other issues there too). I struggled with knowing i was/am going to have to look at my half sister and be reminded of the little girl i so desperately wanted and lost. My mums due this week and is insisting i be there at the birth.....its a mixture of emotions. I would say don't feel bad about your pregnancy, but give her space and let her tell you if she's comfortable talking about your pg. My mum said some really insensitive things (she probably didn't mean to but who knows with her).
Basically, your doing the right thing your being supportive and your aware your pg may affect her, and want to help her, honestly, there's not much more you can do hun. xoxoxoxoxoxo