we lost our baby

**bekbek7** · August 6th, 2011, 10:29 PM

We suffered a miscarriage three nights ago. Thankfully it happened at home and my partner was with me at the time. This all happened after bleeding started and then an ultrasound where there was no heartbeat present. It was heartbreaking to see the ultrasound up on the screen and just wish now that I had been able to get a photo of our baby.
The day after the ultrasound the doctor called to say that even though they couldnt see a heartbeat that they thought the baby was still alive as it was still in the right place and showed no signs of miscarriage. After already dealing with the death of our baby overnight, this was heartbreaking and left us feeling really uncertain and confused about what was happening.
The next day we had a full miscarriage at home. After all of the uncertainty we couldnt help but feel relieved that we now knew what was happening. We buried out little "Raspberry" that night and said goodbye.
I cant help now but feel angry that no one told me what a miscarriage was like. I was scared beyond belief and while my partner was dealing with his own grief he had to look after me aswell. He is such as strong man and I am so proud of the way that he continues to pick me up since this has happened. I just hope that I can look after him as much as he looks after me.
I am trying as much as possible not to feel guilty about the mc. I had laser surgery on my cervix four months ago and despite being told that it was fine to start trying to conceive, maybe it was just too early. I am so scared to find out what happens next and if it was my cervix, am I going to be able to have another baby?
We are both trying to concentrate on the positives in life and are focussing on our 15 month old son who is thankfully oblivious to the whole thing and still making both of us laugh from time to time.
I just needed to share my story.

**Cassius2** · August 6th, 2011, 10:35 PM

I am so sorry for your loss

Having a m/c like that home can be so scary, I know that my DH also just spent alot of time just holding me; I hope that you guys can continue to hold eachother whenever you both need to have a think and cry about this baby, it is so important...

many hugs xx

**feeb** · August 6th, 2011, 10:35 PM

Hugs so sorry to hear of your loss.

Be gentle on yourself and take your time to greive your loss.

BB is an amazing community of support and love, with sadly so many having had losses I hope you find support here.

xoxox

**AndiE** · August 6th, 2011, 10:40 PM

So very sorry for your loss. Take care xx

**dantri** · August 6th, 2011, 11:30 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby last week and have found the support on BB wonderful. Please take care of yourselves and we are always here if you need.

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