We Lost Our Twins

[Leyza]

Wow..thanks again so much to all that have replied to my story. It really just makes it so much more real for me to talk about it to so any women that have been through miscarriage. It makes the short existence of our twins, so much more real.
MeredithD, I can understand what you mean about it not feeling real that you were pregnant. I too feel like that and too only have the u/s to look at. One moment that stands in my mind is when we first found out about the twins and the OB said " Oh do you see that..that's two little heads", she was talking to my partner as at the time I couldn't see the screen. I remember seeing his face and he said "oh...OH". He was so happy, we both were. Though in a way, looking back, even after three weeks since the m/c, I can see that I never really let myself get too excited about it. I was still really concerned about miscarrying at that point, and also concerned about the complications of twin pregnancy. I am sad still. But life goes on around me and it is hard to not get swept up in it. Especially when those around you don't really understand and some who didn't even know you were pregnant. I so want to be pregnant again and I am really hoping by some cosmic miracle I can fall pregnant with twins again. My sister believes the twins will come back to me and that now wasn't their time, she is spiritual like that.
At the moment we can't start trying until mid August as I have had a Rubella booster. Plus everyone keeps tellingus to wait, as our son has Autism and they think we should have a bigger gap between him and the next one. I'm not so sure. I think we will do what we feels right for us and no one else.
When I am feeling especially sad and just want to think about the twins, I listen to the Celine Dion song called 'Fly'. I am not a Celine Dion fan, but when I came out of hosptial after losing them, I kept hearing this song over and over in my head. So that is their song. We are also going to organise a butterfly releasing ceremony. probably on their due date in late November.
I wish this did not happen, but it did and I can't change it. But I will never forget