DS was the same until just before he turned 4. He sorted it in his own time. He knew what was happening/about to happen and if he was refused a nappy he just did it in his pants. Can't remember what worked, think it was a combination of him having to admire DH and I pooing on the loo and being made to empty the poo from his pants/nappy into the loo, because "that's where poo lives". Time works out many "problems".
My nephew did this. He was wearing undies but would ask for his 'poo nappy', go off then come back to get changed back into his pants. He eventually grew out of it
We had to instigate a pretty high value bribe - poos in the toilet = icecream on a stick.
We also gave the poo a name and discussed that "Boris wanted to be in the toilet".
It was very annoying - he would go and hide when he needed to pooh so we couldn't put him on the loo. But eventually he got there.
And we made changing pooey nappies slow and fastidious - so we could explain that just wiping a bum was much quicker!
We are having a similar problem, except he's refusing nappies when they are offered, so it's in undies every single time. He's dry overnight, so it's frustrating to have to put him in pull ups when we go out, if he seems like he's going to do a poo soon.
The Flying Butter - today we started getting Sam to empty the poo into the toilet himself to hopefully get the image in his brain. He was bribed with chocolate to sit on the potty for a while, and was there for a good ten minutes. No action, though. He holds on and holds on until he can finally hold on no longer and goes in his pants. Nothing we can do can convince him to actually try.
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