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Thread: "Holding on" when you know they need to go to the toilet?

  1. #1

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    Default "Holding on" when you know they need to go to the toilet?

    DS1 has been toilet trained for 4 or 5 months now and we're doing pretty well. Although i know he is holding on for quite some time before he'll finally tell me he needs to go to the toilet (mainly wee). I still go with him and help him.



    I'll notice he's jiggling around and ask him if he needs to go and he'll refuse so many times before he'll finally come to me to tell me he wants to go. He gets quite grumpy at me continually asking and is really adament about not going.

    Using force with him gets you no-where except for a big tantrum. Is this a typical toddler toilet training thing to do and is there any harm in him constantly holding on so much?

  2. #2

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    Hun, I'm not sure if it's typical toddler, but I think it's typical boy!! My 5yo DS still will hold on when he needs to go if he's busy doing something, so it's not just a toddler thing! I think part of it is personality, and maybe it is more common in boys because they focus so much on what they are doing. I hope they grow out of it eventually LOL!!

  3. #3

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    Gosh so it could go on for another few years!? Oh no

    It gets difficult when you know he needs to go and we're getting ready to go out yet he'll still refuse to go. I just wish he'd go because he'd be back doing what he wants to do so quickly and he'd feel so much more comfortable

  4. #4

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    Hi Myboys

    Sounds like typical toddler stuff to me.

    Our nearly 6yo DD can hold on for ages and sometimes when she finally goes she nearly pees out over the toilet bowl! (actually, she has done it before)

    I make her go before we go anywhere, before her shower and when we get home from school or being out, but I guess at her age it's easier to get her to go when I ask her too.

    Good luck, but I think it's pretty normal and although it's not recommended to 'hold on', I'm pretty sure it's not doing too much harm. xoxo

  5. #5

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    Ahhhh the joys. Pip "holds on" until he runs for the loo and can't hold on any longer - usually as he's pulling down his pants!

    If I think it's time for him to go, cause he's physically holding on (gotta love that!) I'll just say c'mon, Mummy's got to go to the toilet, can you help me? and he'll usually force his way in "first" One of the best things I read on TT kids was from Dr Karl K - he was taking his family across the Nullabor, and whenever one of them needed to go to the loo they had to stop the car, dig a hole and go. The whole family was aware of each others' habits, and it showed his toddler that you need to tell before it's too late. so I sorta follow that principle - that he sees I have to go and I don't wait ...

    Good luck!!!! BTW - all my pelvic floor classes say it's worse to be "made" to go than it is to "hold on".

  6. #6

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    My almost 4yo is toilet trained and when I notice he needs to go, I just say "OK, please go to the toilet and try for a wee". I don't ask because it is obvious he needs to go.

    By saying "try", I let him know that he he doesn't, then it is OK. However, by waiting until I am sure he needs to go, he has never failed yet .

    When he is in a particularly independent mood, I get the "but I don't NEED to go Mummy". I usually look at him and say "this is not a request, sweetie" (with a smile). He rolls his eyes, says "you are so mean" then goes to the toilet.

    Boys are so much fun.

    Oh, DS1 gave me detailed instructions last night about how to pee through his doodie. It was sooo funny!!

  7. #7

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    Ok so it sounds like my son is extremely normal

    Must be just one of those things in the early years of toiliet training.

    DS does the same thing sometimes in leaving it to the very last minute and barely being able to hold on any longer. For the most part we make it now though. I was just a little concerned as a couple of weeks ago he got a foreskin infection and i was wondering if the two were connected in any way

    Kazbah how interesting that it's worse to be made to go if you don't need to I won't/don't force him because it gets me no where anyway but i'll keep that in mind.

    Thanks for the comments ladis we'll just keep perservering

  8. #8

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    I was looking at recent photos of DS1 & there are so many where the hand is on the crotch.

    Someone posted a few months ago about checking for sneaky wees & I've run with the idea. If he says he doesn't need to go & I know he does I say 'well lets go to the loo & check for sneaky wees' & put him on the loo and lo & behold there was a sneaky wee!

  9. #9

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    I ask my DS1 if he needs to go & I get "no mummy I already went to the toilet today at kindy" or "it's empty, my doodle is all empty" LOL. He holds on too, and often has accidents....but it's all learning we just roll with it, nice a casual. He's never had a no2 accident in his pants, will always do that on the toilet and he leaves that til the last minute also. You know he's going as he all of a sudden just runs past me butt naked in one big hurry...soooo funny!!
    When we are heading out I just say, "we can't go to XYZ yet until we've done a wee", he always does one then before we go.

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