I don't know what to do anymore.

[Glamourcide]

I just threw a monumental tantrum and I can't believe I did. But I'm so, so, SO sick of DD1 doing this, I have finally lost my temper.

She's been self-tt-ing for months now. We're not making any progress. She point-blank REFUSES to wear a nappy at all - I have to either hold her down and put a nappy on her, then wrap it with packing tape so she can't get it off until I change her nappy; or she runs around naked all day.
This wouldn't be so much of an issue, except for the fact that she doesn't want to use the toilet anymore. She was going great - would ask to go to the toilet (we have to keep the door shut or she goes through 10 rolls of toilet paper and sticks her hands in the bowl to play with the water), would do a pee and wipe herself and wash her hands. Awesome. She even did a poo on her potty without needing to be told.

But she seems to have changed her mind. She won't ask to go to the toilet - I have to suggest it to her and she'll go sit there, but not do anything. Instead of asking, she just pees all over the floor and plays in it like it's a puddle - treads it all through the house, poos behind curtains or in her bedroom, makes a godawful mess (which is what I freak out about - I'm worried about the germs) and just doesn't seem to give a rats' that she should be using the toilet.
I'm trying to stay positive, I know yelling or acting negatively will make her reluctant to use the toilet. But seriously... wth do I do? She won't wear a nappy, she won't use the toilet. I cannot, and I WILL NOT, continue mopping up after her lazy backside forever. What am I supposed to do to make her use the toilet? I'm sick of having to bathe her four times a day because she's covered in her own filth. I'm tired of mopping the floors and stocking up on disinfectant. I'm worried that her 'going' all over the house is going to make the baby sick (she just peed ALL over the couches). I hate the baby's feeds being interrupted by DD1 coming up to me with poo all over her, asking for a baby wipe to clean her hands with. I hate having to strap her nappies to her backside with packing tape - it seems barbaric, but I just CANNOT keep cleaning up after her?!

What do I do?

[[M]umma[M]ia]

have u tried pull up pants? or training undies? or she will take these off too?

[Glamourcide]

^ Yep, just rips them all off We've tried every form of training pants on the market, and we've bought her so many different kinds of undies (even Dora the Explorer ones!) and she either takes them off or, in the case of the undies, just pees through them.

[StrawberryMumma]

You poor thing, it's frustrating isn't it

I was going to suggest reusable training pants too..get some bright, funky coloured ones..do you think that be something she would like to wear? and would save on the mess a bit for now. Then give her a bit more time until she get's back on track?....You have probably already tried all this though!

Hope things get better for you soon.

*Posted when you did!

[Salad]

I am not sure if you are using a normal toilet or potty and I dont have any experience with TT so tell me to shutup if you like but have you tried or could you try one of those novelty potties that make flushing noises and stuff. Like I said I dont have any experience and they are prob really expensive so sorry.
Good Luck :hugs:

[Jennifer13]

Deep breath, hun. She will get there, in time. You will not be cleaning up after her for much longer.

When you talk to her about it, what does she say? Does she tell you why she doesn't want to go to the toilet any more? Have you tried a new funky padded toilet seat and a sticker chart to reward her when she does go on the toilet? My DD had a special TTing book about what a big girl she was that she was only allowed to read while sitting on the toilet. It had stickers for each time she went. At the end of each row of stickers, we gave her a reward.

The issue isn't really why she's doing this, she's only little and they can only control what they put in and what they put out at her age! The issue is how you might positively help her to reach the next step in TTing.

GL hun, it sounds like you really are trying hard.

[~Kim~]

Oh babe, that's really awful (for you).
How about bribery, have you tried that?
Someone I know used jellybeans - 1 for every wee in the toilet and 2 for a poo. Would that work?
What is the normal (not this tantrum time) consequence for when she does that?



again.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

DS did this - was TTing just before Christmas, asking to go to the potty/loo, in pull-up pants... then stopped. He's still in nappies now because he decided he doesn't want to use the potty/loo. I have told him if he wants to use the potty to tell us, if he wants pants (proper ones or cloth pull-ups) to tell us: we'll do it. He's not fussed. He's happy to be in nappies.

I've stopped stressing. Given that he can hold it for hours if he's not in a nappy I'm sure he can go a morning at school if it gets that far without needing a nappy change. But maybe being back at Nursery next week will give him a bit more impetus to use the potty again.

eta - he wasn't always happy to be back in nappies. I explained "nappies or potty" and he was fine with nappies. I used those little vests with poppers at the bottom and dungarees to keep the nappy on. A cousin has this problem with her elder daughter too now her baby has come. So maybe it's more for attention and wanting to be the little baby again?

[scoobypuss]

What a dreadful muddle you must be in. I so feel for you. I think you have put too much upon your toddler and yourself and you must take a step back. Have you tried those terry towelling training pants. They absorb a certain amount but will be quite cold and uncomfortable to the wearer. Hopefully with a little bit of perseverance she will be so uncomfortable that she will want to go the toilet "like grown ups" and be given a jelly bean. Taping is no answer. Terribly hard as it is you must take the pressure of yourselves and make out that you do not care. Good luck

[Jac]

Just to put your minda at rest, while it is gross, poo and wee are both sterile so while it might be absultely stomach churning unless she has some terrible disease, not much can be caught off it.

Are you serious? Poo is as far from sterile as you can get! Why do you think we have to wash our hands after going to the toilet to prevent getting germs/sick? Even a toddler's poo is full of harmful germs, not sterile.

Glamourcide - I would be totally frustrated too - especially with a new baby to worry about, you poor thing. Your DD pooing/weeing wherever she feels like in your house is unacceptable in my opinion. If she will not use the toilet you need to tackle the nappy issue somehow. The suggestion of cloth nappies sounded like it could be worth a try - have you considered this? If it were my child, they (quite seriously) would not be allowed out of their room without some form of nappy on if they refuse to use a toilet. Simple as that. Toddlers have a fabulous way of manipulating adults if they can get away with it, so don't let them!!

[Liz]

Sticker charts worked a treat in this house, and the chart actually had a chocolate taped to the end of the row so he could SEE his reward if he kept using the toilet.

However, having said that.. he didn't quite 'get' that concept until he was over 2 1/2, I see your DD is only just 2. I found it amazing the difference a couple of months made in his readiness for toilet training.

Do you think it's in response to the arrival of your little one? Is it possible to bribe her with something special to eat or play with while you feed bub if she goes to the toilet first?

OK.. don't laugh.. i've been looking around the supernanny site LOL (I was looking for a rewards chart to print out! LOL) but Elizabeth Pantley is one of their 'experts' and she has a few articles there on toilet training which might be worth having a look at. They are under Advice/Health & Development/0-4 years. Part 3 has some good suggestions.

Hope you find something that works soon.

As for the sterile wee & poo.. I've heard of wee being sterile.. but not poo. And I found the best thing for wee'd on stuff is white vinegar. It neutralises the wee and you get no stench. DS wee'd all over his new mattress and I wasn't impressed.. it is on the top bunk, and there was no way we could get it down and out into the sun without dismantling the bunks.. but I did the vinegar thing.. and you would NEVER know he weed on it.. no stain, no smell, no nothing! I've stuck my nose ON the spot and it still smells like new mattress LOL.

[Salad]

I think but I am not sure that wee is only sterile to yourself so your wee is sterile to you but not to someone else.

[Glamourcide]

Thanks for the advice, ladies
Things have been much better lately... I don't know how we managed to get it through to her, but she finally seems to understand that she has to either wear a nappy or go to the toilet. We started by bribing her with lollies every time she asked to go, and managed to do something (or she'd be on the toilet all day doing nothing in an attempt to get more lollies hahaha), and since then she's been pretty good - a few little accidents, but mostly she will either ask us to take her to the toilet, or will grab a nappy and try to put it on (which is at least a warning that she needs to go).

How long should I expect it to take until she is completely accident-free? Or will that not really happen until she's a bit older (ie completely toilet-trained, and dry through the night)? She might have one or two accidents a day, and then not have any for a couple of days... I notice it mainly happens when she's occupied with something else and even when I ask her if she needs to go (like if she's watching her favourite TV show) she will refuse because she's busy, then wee in her chair (thankfully it's easily washed!) and come tell me to clean it up.

Thanks again for listening to the venting and providing your tips The lollies one seems to have worked a charm. I've also managed to convince DH that she needs positive reinforcement, not a smack and a rouse when she doesn't go to the toilet... that seems to have helped a lot - now she will go to the toilet and then come running out to tell DH so he gives her a clap/cuddle/thumbs up.

[LimeSlice]

For the record...

Urine is sterile.
(Barring UTI or other infections)
In fact, it is better for someone else to drink your urine that it is for you to drink it yourself...
So if you are ever stuck in the desert with someone, drink each others wee not your own

Poo is NOT sterile.
On average, 75% of poo is water.
Water is absorbed out of fecal material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer the poo is in the body the drier it will become.

The remaining 25% is about 1/3 DEAD bacteria. Another 1/3 is made of stuff that we find indigestible - like cellulose - this is fibre largely (ie we do not actually absorb fibre) The last 1/3 is a mixture of fats such as cholesterol, phosphates, live bacteria, dead cells and mucous from the lining of the intestine, and protein.

So less than 8% off a poo contains any bacteria...none the less, it is NOT sterile.

HTH clear up that issue.


Glamourcide - I have no advice for you , I am about to begin tackling TTing here myself, so will follow this intently! I wish you luck though, hope you can find a solution too very soon