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Thread: Learning to keep my mouth shut

  1. #1

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    Default Learning to keep my mouth shut

    Yes... I'm learning not to tell people that I plan on going cloth. As I'm finding myself defending my decision and other mothers are giving each other the "all-knowing" indulgent look as if I'm one of these new mum-to-be's making idealistic plans, but think I won't stick with it.



    As much as I try to explain that I'm loving finding out about all these modern nappies, and saying that they're not supposed to leak if used properly yada yada yada, I end up feeling frustrated and like a fool. I guess it doesn't help that I haven't used them yet and yes "I won't know until I have my own baby" how hard and tiring everything is... but geez! And I also avoid the money & environment side of it, coz that involves explaining how soaking and washing nappies has all changed now etc etc etc. *sigh* I think they just try and justify the fact that they used disposables. I don't tell them I'm using cloth to make them feel bad.. I'm genuinely excited about the cloth nappies I'm finding!

    Anyway, DH & I have pretty much decided not to go into details anymore about my clothies that I'm getting. It's very hard tho, coz I'm so damned excited about it! LOL. I shall have to just let out all my enthusiasm here on BB.

    Well, thankyou for reading my rant. I will now go and silently admire my adorable little nappies!

  2. #2

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    I used cloth nappies for our #1 and only ever used disposables when we went out and when he had a gastro bug (way too much washing!), but because we live on a farm, when the drought came and we had #2, i had to use disposables for her as we simply did not have the water to be washing nappies all the time (especially with 2 still in nappies at that stage). But I don't think it is right that others should comment on your decision about this, and really, what is there to comment on? Cloth is what you are choosing to use and they choose to use disposables. Plus cloth nappies can come in a variety of colours these days - very funky!

    Also, have you seen the 'kushies' range of nappies? they are a cloth nappy made to look like a disposable I think.

    sherieb

  3. #3

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    Hi, basically welcome to motherhood, if it is not the type if nappy you are using, it is how your feeding, sleeping etc... that you will feel the need to justify/explain.

    Maybe your enthusiam is coming across as an attack those who you are talking to. Especially if the topic comes up often. I lknow that is how I would feel depending on my mood.

    Also often the remarks are really nothing to do with what you are talking about at all. Many mothers have seen an enthusiastic mother-to-be suddenly change her tune once the baby is here. Believe me I was like that with dummies, I was adamant I was not going to use one, but I ended up trying one with DD, luckily (or unluckily) she would not take it.

    Sometimes it is just matter of choosing who you talk to. Have fun with your nappies.

    Astrid

  4. #4

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    Good on you Ivana -baby and yes you may still change your mind and you be entitled to do so - I used both. I flushed the big bits (we adopted DS @ 1 so there few no2. liquid ones IYKWIM). I found it easy. It only took a minute put in bucket to soak / and we machine washed once a day - took 5 minutes to put on the line and another 5 minutes to fold when dry if that.


    Disposables I used for going out mainly and later when DS was about two he would soak thru a double cloth nappy/plastic pants and his PJ's - because I think he held it in and let it go at once.
    LOL - He looked like a sumo wrestler with DN on.

    Then I had use a Huggies and a cloth nappy over the top to stop the morning drenching.

    I passed on all my cloth nappies to a friend a few years ago and she was definately going to use cloth for cost/enviroment too but somone gave them a nappy service for a birth gift and disposables - so she ended up them using as chuckup cloths mostly. I am not sure what she uses with no.2 now 6 months - money is tight so she may have changed back.

    I like to think I will use combination of cloth /disposables this time round even with twins.

    When I was nursing in children's ward we only had cloth nappies and folding them was a big job (couple hundred at a time) but we would sit and chat as we folded. I didn't find leakage too much a problem even with bubs with diarrhoea.

  5. #5

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    I know full well I may change my mind when it comes to the crunch. And circumstances change. Perhaps they do see it as an attack, I dunno. I really don't mean it to be. It tends to come up coz we're planning a baby shower and i'm requesting no disposables as presents as I'm planning to use cloth. It actually turns into an attack on me! LOL. Anyway, I usually try to get in there somewhere that "I'd like to think I will stick to cloth, but I'll see how I go... " and then go on to say what cool nappies I've found in my research. And the people I've mentioned it to, have only ever used flat terries with plastic covers, and never heard of fitted nappies or all in ones. So I tend to enthusiastically go into it, but... they just don't believe cloth can be any good.

    Initially I was planning to use a combination of cloth & disposables.. but I'm getting stubborn now. LOL. Some of the nappies I'm finding just look so easy to use, as easy as disposables, so I'm going to try them while we're out. I've found a site that sells nifty bags and stuff to put dirty nappies in too. So... once again... I'll see how I go. 8-[

    I'm fortunate DH whole heartedly supports me on this one. It would make it harder if I was constantly trying to convince him too. He thinks they're great, and he's prepared to use them. Not sure how he'll go with prefolds or other flat nappies that require some folding.. but he can use the all in one's or the fitteds. hehe.

    When I told him that I posted this topic today, he asked me to go through the process of how to clean the cloth nappy again, and he seemed ok with it. He asked me if I'll handle it, and I just said "You have to deal with pooey nappies regardless of whether it's cloth or disposable, and you have to clean up the pooey bum, so it's just tough if I'm gagging over disgusting nappies".

    LOL - maybe I am an overenthusiatic mum-to-be. Add in the exhaustion, a screaming baby and stinky nappy bucket and maybe I WILL change my mind.

  6. #6

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    Your lucky you have DH's support on this. When I considered using fitted cloth DH stated he would never change a nappy if I did. Well he has only changed a few disposables in near on 6 months. grrrr

  7. #7

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    Ivana - I could have posted the same post today too!

    I excitedly tell people about my cloth experience (only buying at the moment!) and how different they are to terry flats. One friend with a bub who I was telling honestly thought I was joking with her that I was going to use cloth! She couldn't believe it. Her shock put some doubt in my mind whether I would actually stick with it - but I dont want to be swayed by others opinions and thoughts, but it's hard not to be when you are a newbie at this.

    My theory is that I WANT to use cloth, so I'll find myself a little routine and get into it. If it doesn't work out - there's always eBay to sell them all on.
    I acutally can't imagine dealing with the poo and putting a nappy with poo in it (not the whole lot!) the washing machine.... but I think once bubs gets here and I give it a go, it will be fine!

    We gotta stick together!

  8. #8

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    I got the opposite. Mum, MIL and a few of their generation were horrified at the thought of using disposables and were glad that I was using cloth.
    I had a bit of why bother from some friends but seeing as I used disposables when I went out it wasn't really an issue.

    By the time I had 2 in nappies I couldn't cope though and they were put away and Mum tut tutted a bit but she got over it. I wish I knew about these fitted ones earlier as I may have used them. I still may use them for the new baby though.

  9. #9
    angelfish Guest

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    My tips are

    (1) If you know people aren't going to be supportive, don't bother discussing it with them unless they ask. I had a similar experience with our home birth plans. People said things like "oh, that's interesting/nice" but you could just see them thinking "she has no idea, once she realises what labour is like she'll want an epi". Same with co-sleeping. We co-sleep or not, depending on how we're feeling, how baby's feeling and what we want to do at that particular time. But mention it to some people and they act as though we have signed up for some dangerous cult!

    (2) Don't commit yourself to anything! You have the right to make your own decisions, but you also have the right to change your mind later. I was quite adamant that I would only use cloth nappies. Then I got sick and depressed, baby had reflux, couldn't breastfeed, wouldn't sleep and had about 10 pooey nappies a day. OK so it only took an extra 1/2 hour a day or less do deal with the nappies, but I couldn't spare that time, so we quickly changed to disposables. With #2, everything was so much easier so I have gone back to using mostly washable nappies for both kids during the day, with disposables for night-time and any other time I feel like it.

    I wouldn't worry if someone gives you disposables. They may come in handy if you're unlucky enough to all get a gastro bug at once or something like that. And if you don't use them you can always donate them to someone else who will.

  10. #10

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    hehe... I agree not to commit myself to it... but the more people screw up their noses at the idea.. the more determined I'm becoming! LOL.

    We were talking about labour as well and I said "i'm not scared of the pain.. i'm scared of the exhaustion" and again they gave each other the "she has no idea" look. I think whatever I say will get that look. But fact is I'm NOT scared of the pain! LOL. I know there's going to be pain and probably lots of it, but that's not what I'm worried about when I think about the upcoming labour.

    So I guess like Astrid said, I'll be dealing with this whatever decisions I make, or whatever I say. Joys of motherhood.

  11. #11

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    When I told mum I was doing cloth - she said, "I'm not sure you'll cope" . Charming huh?

    The first couple of loads were pretty gross, and there are still some good ones now and again, but its nowhere near as bad as I thought.

    Funny - the people who told me cloth was gross were also the ones who told me not to worry if breastfeeding didn't work, not to worry if I want pain relief in birth, and to definitly use a dummy.

    You will get so much advice, you just learn to smile, nod and say, "We'll see how it all goes".

    Fi

  12. #12

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    Maybe they think they're being supportive by saying those things so we don't beat ourselves up if we can't use cloth, and can't breastfeed, and use a dummy. lol. But a little support the other way wouldn't go astray! My mum I think has her doubts, but I think she's interested to see how these fancy nappies go But she hasn't outright said whether she thinks I'll stick with it or not.

  13. #13
    Obsidian Guest

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    We switched to cloth in about Oct.. and have been using them full time until about a month ago when the washing machine blew up and we went back to disposables for 2 weeks while we were getting a new one Our daughter is 2.

    I was excited about it and told mum and my friends and sister (who have children), none of them were interested. Only online have I had any support (other than hubby, who is of course great). Mum and Mum-in-law were both surprised, saying disposables were easier. My mum has been doing a lot of looking after my nieces, so she was singing the praises of disposables. None of my friends are even remotely interested. One won't even discuss them.

    Mum started with the "ohh I remember the nappy rash! go disposable, so much better" thing, and then after I'd done all the explaining about modern fabrics and washing... and she'd seen our daughter in them... she started on about her walking funny because they were too bulky and could it be causing her to stumble more.... My mother in law comments every time Tahlia sits down in a skirt and you see her nappy (which bulges out more than a trim disposable does) about her having "elephantitis" or some other horrid deformity because of her large nappy... {that really urks me}

    My mother has finally given up on the cloth nappy = walking funny thing (the 2 week disposable use and Tahlia's continuing to walk funny helped her see it made no difference, toddlers just walk funny). I finally told her I felt I could do nothing right, and she was making me feel like I was going to make Tahlia into some deformed criple or something, and that other mothers had assured me that toddlers just sometimes walk funky... and she's finally stopped saying anything bad about the cloth nappies, and was saying that she just had our best interests at heart and didn't mean anything by her comments.

    Seeing it from her point of view (and possibly other people who aren't as enthusiastic as we are about cloth)..... they only know modern disposables that rarely leak (for most people) versus what they know of cloth nappies, which is generally a boring white square of cloth, nappy pins with plastic pants that leaks, needs soaking and "sanitising" and needs frequent washing. Even when they see modern cloth I think it takes a while to change those images of old fashioned cloth people have. I know mum wanted what was easiest for me... she didn't want me to have to work harder and all that. I think she finally realises its what we want, not that much effort and not harming Tahlia.

    We were out at an Xmas party and we had our cloth nappies.... I put a purple tie dyed old fashioned flat nappy on Tahlia and used a purple "snappi" on it. A lady said something like "What? you use that instead of a pin?" So I showed her how the snappi worked and she thought it was great ("No more stabbing the baby" she remarked!), then I explained that we normally don't use those cloth nappies anyway, we use the modern cloth, and pulled one out to show her. Actually she seemed more excited about the snappi than the pocket nappy I showed her, but still... shows that even a snappi is something people haven't seen before.... much less modern cloth.

    I'm surprised at how insignificant the change has been for us. Thinking about it before we switched, I assumed it would take a long time to wash the extra nappies and get them ready, and be really gross to deal with.... since before I'd wash maybe once a fortnight.... I obviously do wash more frequently now, I do a load of nappies every 2-3 days now, but its not that time consuming. I actually wash all the pooey nappies until they are clean then but them in the wash too. At first I was squeemish about poo, but a couple of nappies into it, its no problem With the fleece it mostly just falls off into the toilet with a good shake. Tahlia has her preferences (she likes the sheep ones), and when we first switched and had a pack of disposables under the change table too, we'd ask her to get a nappy and she'd come back with the pocket, stuffing and a baby wipe! totally disregarded the disposables.

    So while we might not have any support elsewhere, the 3 of us are happy!

  14. #14

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    Hi Obsidian, I've seen a couple of your posts now. Welcome to belly belly. I'm the same.. I'm only finding support online for going cloth. People have never heard of the modern ways of using cloth, and show no interest in hearing about it either. My mum is the same, she just doesn't want me to have the extra work. But really... all I'll be doing is chucking it in a bucket, then chucking it in the machine! (At least I'm hoping it's that easy! LOL)

    I love that Tahlia goes and gets her favourite cloth when you ask for a nappy =D>

    My DH is totally supportive (and the fact that we just bought a new washing machine, and I'm about to spend some $$ getting my collection together.. we kinda won't have a choice but to use the cloth ), so we'll just be quietly enjoying cloth ourselves. I'll happily enthuse with anyone who asks about the nappies, but I've learnt not to bring it up myself.

    Since you're using snappi's with your 2yo, I'll ask you.. isn't a snappi easier for her to take off? That's the only thing I was worried about with them, is that at least with pins the toddler can't take it off as easily. Have you had that problem at all?

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