Personally, if she's getting that distraught I would most definitely leave it for now. I never toilet trained... I let Oskar lead the way. He was TT for wees for a long time before he did a poo on the toilet. He was 3 1/2 before that came but probably wees from about hmmm 2 1/2 perhaps? He used to carry on like you're describing when it came to poos... so I didn't force the issue, he would get that distressed at even mentioning or asking if he wanted to try it. So, he would ask for a nappy. I think if you keep trying to force it and she's already so distraught about it that it will make a much longer journey for you and I think that it will hinder her moving forward. She could be afraid of the big hole or something... and to us it all makes no sense at all... but to them obviously it does.

Oh and the amusing part of Oskar and poos now is that he reckons his little brother should do them on the toilet haha if only he remembered how long it took him and that Elijah isn't even 2 yet.