Toilet refusal!! Help and suggestions please!

[Amity]

I started TT Ned just after Christmas. At home we are doing relatively okay. However, on Sunday afternoon (after I got him back from XH) he had three accidents, and on Monday at daycare he didn't do ANYTHING on the potty at all. He just weed in his pants. And when I took him home, he did the biggest poo in his pants (and it was disgusting... I ended up throwing the pants out rather than cleaning him as the daycarer had run out of undies and he wasn't wearing any!)

Anyway, as his Tuesday daycarer doesn't have a potty (and he refuses to sit on the big toilet) I bought one to take to daycare today. He really likes it, and sat on it this morning no problem. However, he didn't do wee in it at all. And about 2 mins afterwards, he weed on the floor.

So since Sunday, he hasn't weed or pooed in the potty AT ALL.

I'm getting SO frustrated, and whilst trying not to show it, I need some help and advice. Do I put him back in nappies as he's simply refusing, or do I persevere?

[{sarah}]

Might sound like a silly question Div, but was he in undies or nappies with XH? I went away to Melbourne in November on a Friday morning & came back Sunday afternoon to the same thing. Zander was just starting to TT so daddy didn't think to put him in undies & as a reult he was in nappies all weekend, so kind of forgot what to do IYKWIM. It took until the Wednesday / Thursday before we were back to how it had been the week before.....

Other than that I'm not sure!

[Tracey]

Dive, Indah is pretty much the same & from having Maddy fully trained at 20ish mths, it was doing my head in...

But she would simply not poo for days & days til she split her anus! So I put her back in nappies as it was obviously distressing her.

I have found with her she will undress do a wee on her potty but not tell me, she doesnt want me to make a big deal of it... So I just say Wow there's a wee in here I'll tip it out... She smiles & thats itSo fornow I'm just gonna let her use it if she wants too & not stress about it, as it was causing her to not go.

so no real advice there... good luck with it all...

[MantaRay]

Given his age Divvy, maybe try going back to nappies most of the time, with undies just for a couple of hours at a time. We did this with Jack for a while. Then we just increased the amount of time he was in undies. We kept going through "spells" where he was in undies most of the time, but he wasn't quite ready for full time TT until recently. I do know how frustrating it is, cleaning up poo is something I am very over atm. Interestingly though, I found that Jack is much better at day care as he likes to go to the toilet with the other kids.

[Amity]

I'm almost ready to give up. He just WON'T pee on the potty and hasn't for a couple of days. XH had him in nappies all day yesterday...

I think I'll just leave it a few months and try again. GRRR!

[~Raven~]

Good idea hun! Don't make it an issue. You can try again in a month or follow his lead. He may decide on his own that he wants to try.

[ele_ven27]

I'd been having similar issues with my daughter for the past 6mths. If after a few days it was just getting too distressing for all concerned, then we'd give up, go back to nappies, and move on.
A few weeks later, we'd try again. Who knows why sometimes they seem to be getting the hang of it, then all of a sudden it;s a "no go" zone (???) but it seems to be a common pattern. Maybe they're just not quite ready, or emotionally/mentally ready to go that next step.
Anyway, we started again after xmas, and now Broni is going great guns!!! She's in undies most of the day, unless she's having a nap, and rarely has any wee accidents. We're still having a few hiccups with number 2's but thats to be expected. I think she just might be past that "terrible two" stage where so many things are going developmentally and physically for them and she's much more open to discussing the whole deal. She gets a sugar-free treat whenever she takes herself off to the potty and wees successfully. Now that she's doing it more often, i don't always give her a treat, but lots and lots of praise and then a special activity (time/circumstances permitting).
So maybe Ned's just not quite ready yet, but keep perservering on and off and he'll come around eventually. It's hard when there's a separated parent situation, but if at all possible, try and discuss the process and desired outcome with XH so that at least there might be a chance of some co-ordinated effort to help Ned along.
Hope this helps to allay your concerns.