TT experts - please help?

[Mel1977]

I am desperate for some help from all of the TT experts out there... I have a 3yo step-DD who is staying with us atm. I posted elsewhere about how difficult it has been TT because her mother has not been co-operative (basically she sends her in undies one time so we do TT and then she comes back next time in a nappy). It has been an ongoing saga for the last year and it has been really difficult trying to get her to "get it" and also to get her mother to go along with it (although apparently its our fault cause we "are not consistent"). Anyway, we have had her since Monday afternoon and DH has been persistent with the TT and she has only worn a nappy in the night. She has had only one accident with wee which we think is fantastic and have both praised her no end each time she goes to the toilet. She has only done a poo every second day and each time in the toilet, first time was because we noticed she was needing to wee alot and DH said to sit and try to do it and she said I cant, I cant and then she did! We made a huge deal of it and she has done it in the toilet since. Even today DH took her to the shops with him and she even said she needed to do a poo there and did one at the shopping centre. We felt like we had made it, we knew we werent at the end of the road but felt like we had made so much progress... BUT tonight she was playing outside and came in to show us her fairy wand and had pooed in her undies! It was clay-like and absolutely vile smelling and it was very obvious she had pooed a while before she came inside - and had just sat in it! I have known of kids who will poo in a nappy and sit in it, and apparently its cause of the padding of the nappy. But I have never heard of a kid who will poo in her undies and sit and play.

What do we do? We felt like we were winning, and DH has done such a great job with it. And we just feel now like the whole week has been wasted because we know as soon as she goes home to her mum if she has one accident she will be straight back in nappies. Please help with some advice???? We have just 2 nights left - she goes home at 3pm on Tuesday so any miraculous ideas would be much appreciated.

Thanks guys

[Spring Angel]

Sorry Mel, I'm no help but I just wanted to say it sounds like you and DH are going the extra mile for step DD, you are doing a fantastic job.

Lv Spring

[Mel1977]

Thanks Spring - I must sound like the biggest whinger! I just hope someone can help us... its so frustrating and we just feel so disappointed. I dont think its the way we are doing, but who knows... we have been rewarding her for good efforts but just dont know how to drill it in that its not ok to sit in it

[AmandaJ]

My 3 yr old DS still occasionally does a wee or poo in his undies and it's usually when he's outside and preoccupied, there's not much you can do except to keep telling them that they need to tell you when the needed to go. It's a long journey and I'm really sorry to say no quick fixes. You and you DH are doing a great job and your DSD's my needs to get with the program, does she really want to be changing nappies forever?

hugs xoxo

[aussienic]

it is perfectly normal to take 2 steps forward and one back when TT. My son Jacob has been TT now since September ( i think) and just before Xmas he started wetting his pants up to 5 times a day.. He became busier and just "forgot" to go.. Your SDD may have just been to busy and simply not realized..

You guys have done a fantastic job.. If she has another accident just say oh well and clean it up and move on... Maybe even get her to help.. such as you put the poo in the toilet and remind her thats where it goes.. Evan talk about how your body feels just before you do a poo.. just in general conversation...

I hope her mum continues when she goes home.. Hopefully you are able to talk to her and work together.. If she isn't willing to keep it up is your Sdd able to stay longer with you...

[Mel1977]

Thanks Amanda & Nic, it's nice to know that it's not a sign of us doing it wrong. DH did get her to help clean the mess and she kept saying yuck so she knows its gross, although you dont need to tell her where it goes she knows. If you say where do you do poos she says in the toilet. Maybe you are right and she just got too distracted... I still dont really understand why she wouldnt come and tell us she had done it though iykwim instead of just sitting in it - surely it cant be comfy. With her mother there is a very strained history there unfortunately and there is no communication with them whatsoever, and if DH even attempted to ask her to continue it would start all sorts of trouble and most probably will result in contact being stopped because she sees it as she is the mother and noone can tell her what to do, and then would put her back in nappies to spite him (it has happened before). Also she lets him see the kids only when she has to (meaning court orders) so there is no way she would let her stay longer. We have them again as of the 18th of Jan for another 8 nights so hopefully with this week and if we continue that week maybe, just maybe we will get through... I dont get it though, she is meant to be starting 3yo kinder and I am sure they wont let her if she isnt TT so you would think its a priority. And as Amanda said, who wants to change nappies forever - and lets face it, a 3yo's nappy is far from pleasant! Anyway, so I guess the trick is just let this slip up go by as a hurdle and get back on track tomorrow... by the end of Jan we can succeed so she can go to kinder.

[aussienic]

When I was saying to mention where poo goes ect it is more just a conversation and just a reminder even though they know kwim? It just helps cement it in thier brains

I hope the mum doesn't undo all your hard work.. you could be sneaky though and say to your Sdd.. I hope you like being a big girl.. Don't wear a nappy when you go home.. or something like that and hopefully when her mum puts a nappy on her she will say no she is a big girl...

[Ellibam]

even if you tell her that while she is at daddies she doesnt need to wear a nappy because she can go to the toilet....(that way she will know that even if mum puts her back in nappies at daddies she goes to the toilet)
but your doing a great job and accidents will still happen and by just saying opps we missed that one but next time you feel you need to poo come and tell us and we cant take you to the toilet.
HTH

[MantaRay]

Mel, my DS is nearly TT - I say nearly because we can go 2 days without an accident, then he gets distracted and we have one. And he will keep poo in his pants for a while without being bothered by it too. It amazes me, as he hates having dirty hands or anything, but doesn't seem to mind that. Maybe they get used to it from being in nappies. Anyway, you are doing a great job, so don't feel bad about the odd accident. I would talk to your SDD and tell her that even if she has a nappy on she should still keep it dry and use the toilet. That way if she gets put back in them, she can show her mum what she can do. GL.

[AmandaJ]

I agree with MR, does she know how to take her nappy off so that if her mum puts her in a nappy she can still take it off and go to the toilet. At kinder they will also do TT, depending on the centre, so hopefully her mum will continue it at home.

hugs xoxo

[~Raven~]

It must be extremely frustrating IRT the inconsistency with her routine

Sometimes it can take weeks like aussienic says

it is perfectly normal to take 2 steps forward and one back when TT

I found this to be so true! Angus would proudly poo on the toilet one day and the next he'd try and stop it with his heels up his bum and we'd be back to square one almost. I found that star charts helped a great deal. One star per poo on the toilet and then when she gets three give her a freddo frog.

[Mel1977]

Nic - I see what you mean, we have also been randomly saying where do you do wees and where do you do poos as well. I guess it has to sink in eventually, she is hardly going to be a 10 year old wearing nappies right.

EB - We were thinking we might try that, I mean really we dont care what happens at her mums house we just want her TT here so if she comes back in nappies we will just say no your a big girl, big girls dont wear nappies. She does like hearing she is a big girl.

Amanda - I didnt think any kinders did TT, I know none of the ones around here do but they live half an hour drive from us and its more a small county town so maybe they will. I hope she gets to go, it will be really good for her.

MR - Thanks, strangely its nice to hear someone else is having the same problem with them not telling they have done it. My SDD is the same as your DS, she hates being dirty and always comes to us holding her hands up if they get dirty. She wont even eat without a serviette to wipe her hands on LOL. As you say, maybe they just get used to it.

Raven - It is very frustrating!!! Your star chart is a good idea. We have been giving her a freddo each time she has done it on the toilet (on advice from a friend) but I think you are right that 3 stars and then a freddo, it means she has to work towards it. We will definitely like that one. Although she is not the easiest child to communicate with so it can be hard to get her to understand things - but hey its worth a try.

On a positive note.. looks like she just earnt her 1st star - I was sitting here a minute ago and I heard "I done a poo, I done a poo" and because she was playing in her bedroom I thought oh great. And then my DH calls out Mel come down here and I go down and here she is on the toilet in our ensuite and she had done her poo on the toilet without even being prompted or asking for help Admittedly I would have preferred not the ensuite but hey beggars cant be choosers right LOL. We are very impressed now, and think that maybe it is as you all said 2 steps forward, 1 step back - but eventually it will get there.

Thanks so much for all of the advice, I really appreciate it. I must sound so grumpy complaining about her, I just feel so tired with this pg and I cant help but whinge

Mel

[MantaRay]

That's great news Mel. And you didn't sound at all grumpy