Wet Nights - supporting the physical and psychological impact

[Abigail]

DS is just over 5.

He has been day trained for toileting since he was around 2/3, despite efforts he refused to train, then one day he just got up and did it and never looked back.

He has suffered from chronic constipation for 4 years. That is under control at the moment.

Our big issue is that his Stepbrother is night trained (6 months younger). DS has had it told to him that he should be able to do it too and that he needs to be a big boy etc. (NOT from me!!)

DS has a strong maternal history of late night training (think pre-teens/teens). Now I'm not overly concerned about the fact that he just doesnt get night training.

He tries, he wants to try, he wants to get it. I've tried very hard to take the approach of, "it doesn't matter!" I dont care if he wets the bed, this what pull ups were invented for. Not all kids get it at the same time.

DS will literally wet himself and continue to sleep soaked for the rest of the night. If you try to wake him, he is a walking zombie, thats if you can get him to walk in the first place. Ive tried the potty in the room makes no difference. He has to start the night in undies however or else he will just go to the toilet while still awake rather than get up to go to the toilet.

The issue in all this is that he wants to be able to do this just like his brother. He knows that other kids don't wet the bed. I'm trying to encourage him and support him to be okay with this but it is starting to affect his self esteem. We were told by our GP that they won't consider it a problem until 8 years old. By 8 he will be at school and who knows how this will be affecting his confidence etc by then?

I would love some ideas on how to help and support him, both with the training side of things and supporting him psychologically through this. Would also love some book suggestions to help him feel like he isn't alone. We found one at the library today which he seemed to warm to called "dry days, wet nights".

Thanks.

[YoYo]

I wish I knew!

Alls I can say is my DS is the same, he will be 6 in oct. his 3 year old sister is completely trained.

I'm trying to get him not to worry too. My doc said its a very hereditary thing... Although cant find any history of late night wetting on both sides of the family as yet.

[OceanPrincess]

I'm not sure either With us it is my DD, 4.5, who is still wet overnight. Her brother has just turned 3 and is TT day and night. DD just can't get it. I'm at a bit of a loss.

[Arimeh]

Here too - my dd1 turns 5 on Friday and wakes with a soaked nappy every morning. Her 3 year old sister has been night trained for months now.

She said she wants to wear undies when she's 5 but I don't have much faith it will work because she's such a heavy sleeper.

[~clover~]

Dd2 only stopped wearing night time pull ups last year at 7. She still has nights every few months that she will wet, but very rare (finally).
DS was dry over night by 2. But does have the rare accident. We are having other issues now though :/

I can only imagine how fun this will be, but my advice is to tell the certain other people in his life to back off. It's only an issue for him because they are making it an issue. And I really don't know any way to fix that (that would work).

[Abigail]

DS has never been dry, have any/were any of your kids dry at some point or is this an every night thing for you too?

How do you guys go with other people, like other parents and the like? I've been reaching out the last few weeks as I'm trying to find ways to help him as I feel totally out of my depth. My mother is a god send, she absolutely understands my frustration and despair for him. Other people I have to say, have been less than supportive. I mean to say, they mean well, but being told a million times that I just need to stop the drinks near bedtime, need to get him up every few hours, time when he does a wee at night, put him only in undies for nights on end, set an alarm off near him/for him and so many more. Do people really think that; 1. I haven't thought of all those things and 2. I haven't tried all those things. Its like they look at me like I'm just being a lazy parent who can't be bothered to get my child some help! And its soul destroying. To be told how awful it will be when he is a teenager and still in pull ups because I didnt bother to act now. Really?! how is that helpful to me now?!

I want him to be toilet trained almost as much as he wants to be. He wants to do this so badly and his body is just letting him down and all I can do is sit back and watch and hope to get him through the other side until, hopefully, his brain and bladder make that light bulb glow.

Sorry just feeling so alone in this at the moment. No one seems to get it.

Clover - I would love to tell them to take a flying leap but it wouldn't help anything at all unfortunately.

[OceanPrincess]

Oh Abigail Sounds like you really need some of these

Fortunately it isn't an issue for us - my niece (my sister's DD) is 8mths older than my DD and has only recently gotten out of night nappies, so my sister sympathises and keeps telling us DD will get it when she's ready. My other good support system is my local ABA group and there is another 4.5yo who is still in night nappies and her mum says the same thing, they will get it eventually.

I have another good friend who's favourite saying is "They won't still be xyz when they are 18", replace xyz with breastfeeding/night waking/using nappies overnight.

I'm really sorry you are feeling unsupported in this. My DD is the same - she wants to get it, she really does. She has a big LaLaOopsie doll (some mermaid thing) that she chose from the Toy shop as her reward for five dry nights. It is sitting up in her room, where she can see it. She had three dry nights in a row and I got really excited that she was getting it... then more wetting overnight. Now we've had two nights, let's see what tonight brings.

[Early Kids]

Big hugs for you x I have no ideas for you, but my 6.5 is still in pull ups. He's only been dry some nights for the past 3ish months. His younger brother (now 4) has been completely trained since 3.5. We've taken the "he will get it in his own time" approach and make no fuss over his nappy wearing, he's in control of getting one out and putting it on etc just like his younger brother (except its jocks for him obviously). Every few weeks Ill ask if he's ready to try without a nappy, if he's confident we give it a go if not I leave it. He's a really heavy sleeper, I couldn't wake him even if I fired a shotgun off in his room hahaha

I'm sorry you are having troubles and hope its sorted soon x

[OceanPrincess]

From the Huggies DryNites website:

...Designed for Australian kids and thus come in different sizes for both boys and girls from 4 years old through to 15 years old, and can accommodate children weighing up to 57 kilograms.

There is clearly demand for this product so we aren't alone...

[2CheekyMonkeys]

My 7 year old is s consistent bed wetter too. Always has been. I know how you feel. My 4 year old is the same. I recently put her back in a dry night cause we couldn't handle dealing with two kids wet sheets, change of clothes etc every night. The latest info is not to limit drinks anyways or wake them during the night. Also, ive been warned off bed wetting alarms too. It's just one of those things you have to ride out. I'm soooo dreading her first sleep over invitation! :-(

[YoYo]

Ladies, when I spoke to my doctor about this same thing, she said night wetting is an involuntary release of the bladder. No amount of limiting drinks before bed or taking them at a certain time in the night while they're asleep will help. By about age 7 she recommended getting one of those alarms (a friend of mine had success with one of these), so suggested giving them as much time to get it on their own as possible.

I think by age 7 its more likely a time where kids want to stay over for sleepovers and that's why that age is a good time to step in, although not necessary I suppose.

I'm not going to push it with DS. Doc said let him get through pre primary and maybe do something next year.

[Phteven]

See another GP. If it's bothering him then it's an issue.
Or don't bother. You don't need a referral to a continence physio but a GP can hook you up with an ultrasound and blood test to rule out physical causes.

Things you can do - increase fluids during the day to stretch the bladder. Juice is usually a no-no but if that's what it takes to get him drinking plenty of fluids then it's ok. If he drinks a lot during the day he will be less thirsty at night and the extra fluid will increase bladder capacity.
I would say introduce something to be sure that constipation is not an issue because constipation and bed wetting often go hand in hand but you're already on top of that.

A continence physio can hook you up with an alarm and show you how to work it. An alarm that isn't used correctly is no use but we used an alarm under supervision from a continence physio and DS was dry within weeks and has never had a wet night since. We were told to expect a short relapse about 6 months afterwards but it didn't happen.