Hi,

I have had four babies, all of who have ended up in the NICU for various reasons.

My twins (who are now almost 9) were born by caesarean at 35 weeks because my waters broke and one of the twin's arms prolapsed out of my cervix. It was a bit of an emergency and very scary.

They were both small and sick when they were born and I had a PPH too. I held Maddy for the first time when she was 3 days old and it was the best moment of my life.
I didn't get to hold Immy for another 2 days after that as she had a collapsed lung and was attached to all the tubes and wires. They both stayed in the NICU for two weeks and we finally got the all clear on day 16. (I'd had two days rooming in). I thought the whole thing was pretty scary and I must admit it took me a long time to get over their birth. They are so well and healthy now. The midwives and doctors were lovely and patient with us the whole time.

My third daughter Lily was also born by caesar at 37 weeks but it was elective due to high BP. When she was born it was amazing! She weighed in at just over 4kgs which was about the size of the twins combined!! She looked enormous! She was breathing up though and so they put her into the NICU with oxygen...not for long though! After she broke two headboxes and a rebreather mask, she was deemed well enough to come into the room with me.
I went home with her on day 3 but on day five had to take her back because she had caught bronchiolitis from the twins and had to go back on oxygen for another week. She is also very well now and hasn't looked back at all from her shakey start.

My last little baby, William, alot of you will already know his story from the m/c and loss group but he was born vaginally at full term. He was very ill right from the start and on day three it was discovered that he had critical aortic valve stenosis and also a mitral valve defect.

I hated the NICU staff and for the first time felt that my baby was not my own. I thought the twins were covered in wiring but compared to Will, it was nothing. There was no where to sit, I was uncomfortable and the staff kept telling me that his illness was my fault. I had to have an emergency laparotomy following Will's birth because my uterus ruptured in second stage when his head was on view. I lost about 3 and a half litres of blood, I felt awful and I was so worried about William. They kept telling me that they were understaffed and underpayed and kept telling David and I that they couldn't possibly look after William with all the other premmie babies that were in there.
The doctors and NICU nurses almost died when they found that he had a heart abnormality. They had been so one eyed about his birth that they didn't look for anything else until one doctor went off and another came on. He looked at Will with new eyes and did a cardiac u/s. So on day three they did a mad transfer down to Westmead Hospital to try to correct his condition. Well, if I thought it was bad before, it got a whole lot worse down there. The first nurse was an absolute cow, the neonatologist had read the notes and came to us with the same story, I had effectively killed my baby when my uterus had ruptured (like that was my choice). That NICU was very busy and they used to put those folding doors around William and I so the other parents couldn't see us. It was isolating and horrible.
William was dying and we had to make quick decisions. He was in a coma but his body was shutting down so fast, it was so sad. We called everyone in and the nurse who was with us on that terrible day was the kindest, most beautiful person. In the end the neonatologist was quite good too. He stayed with us while we held William and said goodbye. The social worker was just lovely too.

If we are so lucky to have another baby, he or she will be born at around the 36 week mark and will have to go straight to the NICU for all the tests that WIlliam should have had. I'm dreading it but the midwives who were present at Will's birth have said that they will come to the NICU with me before the new baby is born so that I can deal with my issues regarding Will's birth.

All my experiences have taught me to never take anything for granted, ever. I appreciate my girls everyday and I know that I am very lucky also to be here to watch them grow up.

Sorry that this is so long and a mixed bag of good and bad but that's our story.