Hi guys and gals,

I am coming in here to ask for some advice and insight...

My friend and I have shared a large part of our pregnancy journey together. we live close by and our two kids have grown up together. Her baby was born the other week at full term, but from the moment he was born it was panic stations. He wasnt breathing and was not responding well to resus. almost 2 weeks later in NICU they finally have some idea of what is going on (basically two areas in his brain have not formed, or are not fully formed...still not clear exactly). these parts of his brain affect his ability to breath, swallow, and also affect his vocal chords and lungs etc. Basically this is a very special baby who will need at the very least many many many months of NICU.

Sooo, I was wondering some of the usual stuff, like, how do I offer support? how do I negotiate her feelings that must (as i can only begin to imagine) be a constant roller coaster, and how do i do this while pregnant and soon to be birthing and no doubt bringing my baby home? Our last phone call was beautiful and i miss her terribly and want to be there for her and her DH and their boys (little bubba makes three ). My concern is that my pregnancy is having *some* affect on her as she kept saying that our baby was going to be fine and that i shouldnt worry...it dawned on me that she was also feeling guilty for putting me through this! oh my gosh i just want to cuddle her and tell her that i love her and just want to be there IYKWIM. is this even possible ATM or is it still too raw for her??

And then there is the more 'practical' side of support that DH and I want to offer but just dont know where to start...our plan so far is to cook meals and drop them at the back door in a cooler bag (they are at the hossy heaps and they told us back door would be awesome). but what else?? is there anything else? they have grandparents that have been fantastic in taking the older boys to give them a break, so they dont really need us for that, but maybe they could do with us babysitting them at home so the kids (our DD and their 2 DSs can play like they used to...i dunno, bringing back some 'normal' amongst the 'new normal'??).

argh! sorry for the rambling. i guess i need advice on how to navigate this as neither of us have been through anything like it before, so i guess any advice on both an emotional and practical level would be greatly appreciated at this point. I really dont want my pregnancy to stress her out, but i dont want to 'disappear' (unless she needs that....gosh i hope not...) and i want to be able to help out like you would in your 'village' IYKWIM....

thanks in advance for ANY advice. it has taken me almost 3 weeks to write this, as i was secretly praying that bubba would make a full and speedy recovery...but i guess i need to admit that i really need help with this one....

xx