Can a strong trusted friend or family member go with you? Or meet you for lunch there? Even before we started having visitors I would try and have someone come and see me when I would have lunch or a coffee for a sanity break. Strong and trusted sounds a bit naff I know but a friend like that visited from interstate and came with me for a few days when I was really low and boy did her strength lift me up.
hope you get more cuddles soon and she gets back to her milk.
I used to be quite distressed about my different boobs, but your rightie is not a dud performer. It is doing its best too. I used to ask new nurses on if they know what I could do, asked an LC, midwife, etc. Finally I accepted it and thought if the visible difference remains this bad I can get a "booster" for the leftie. It settled down after a few months but I still would not wear a bikini top in summer if you know what I mean LOL!
The NICU journey is tough. Real tough. And you are doing it with a toddler - you are absolutely admirable.
Everyone hits the wall at least once. It's part of the journey. I hope the hospital has a social worker/psychologist you can talk to. I found them invaluable to just spit out EVERYTHING that was going on in my head and just to let go.
With the boobies - mine were different too. Somehow my left is the dud one. Chocolate comes from the right.... I named mine chocolate and caramel - chocolate flows beautifully but caramel was a bit gluggish...
You are doing a marvellous job with Heidi. She chose you for her Mummy for a very good reason. You can do ANYTHING.
Hi sorry I have only just seen this and haven't read through all the posts but I will later.
I just wanted to say you are doing an amazing job. I only went through 3 hours of the journey I'm glad your story is an opposite experience to mine with a 25 week birth. I hope you dd continues to improve
Hi hun, I've been quietly following your journey and wanted to pop in to cheer you on a bit and say I think you are doing amazing. Its a tough and emotional road and your honesty and approach is a tribute to how incredible a mum/person you are. Wishing you, Heidi and your family all the best.
Well tiny Heidi has regained and exceeded her birthweight!
At birth she was 730g and she dropped down to 670g which was within normal range. She crept back up to 690g and hovered there for about 5-6 days and today she is 765g! A whopping 35g about birth weight. What a fatty! LOL
We shared a lovely long cuddle yesterday, almost 2 hours we sat together soaking eachother up - there truly are no words to describe that feeling. I'm hoping to get some more this afternoon when we head back in to visit. They'll be recommencing her feeds 6 hourly today to give her tummy some time to adjust to receiving EBM.
Divvy - I laughed out loud about 'chocolate' and 'caramel' I keep thinking to myself I need to give the 'girls' some names to help cheer them on. Not sure whether its been the cuddles or just time and a bit less stress, but I'm getting a tiny bit more at each expression now which is reassuring for me.
Thanks again for all your wonderful words of support, means so much. DP & I are off to the hospital together tonight which will be nice, we've been doing it in shifts all of this week, so it will be nice to have him by my side.
Congrats on the weight gain its such awesome news. We took picks of chakotay on the scales and always celebrated with such joy his gains Your doing a great job keep it up
Wonderful news on the weight gain, such a positive thing for such a tiny little bub. WTG Heidi.
DS was always weighed at midnight so I was never there at the time but on the day he reached 1kg, the nurses made a wonderful certificate for him and attached it to the foot of his isolette. That day there were many happy tears.
Long cuddles are the best. It's like there is no one or nothing that can come between you and bub. Like a dark cold shadow has been lifted and blanket of warmth and peace surrounds you both. At the time DS was in hospital, there was only 3 recliners to a 34 bed unit so it was always a fight for a comfy cuddle chair. The nurses were great, they knew cuddles with DS had been very limited so on the days he was well enough, I would arrive and there would be a recliner by his isolette with a big note on it "do not remove - Mother & bub will be having cuddles". Like you, some days we would sit there for hours...just so special.
It takes time for these little ones to adjust to receiving EBM, but they do get there in time. I always dreaded the days that DS's feeds were increased as it always caused huge problems with his apnoea. In the end, they would pump feed over 1 hour every 2 hours, it was almost as if he was being fed constantly.
Well done on the increased BM production. Cuddles do have a lot to do with it and the fact that you sound less stressed after your big cry the other day. you are doing a brilliant job.
Take care & hope you get more cuddles really soon xx
Wow Infinity what a fabulous weight gain Little Miss Heidi has done, it is an amazing feeling to see them surpass their birth weight, and celebrate each milestone no matter how small, because it is those wonderful positive moments that just makes it a tiny bit easier to get through the day
I am so glad that you and DH are going in together this evening, it is really important for you to take a bit of time out as a couple as well, next trip try and grab a little bit of time for a nice coffee or hot chocolate, with just the two of you, a little bit of normality as such.
Evening all. We've had a great few days with Heidi progressing really well. She is continuing to gain weight....latest weigh she was up to 830g! WOOT! And she'll be weighed tonight so I'm hoping for another increase. She is now on 2ml of EBM every three hours and seems to be tolerating that ok so far, but they're constantly monitoring. Other than that, no major changes. She received a blood transfusion during the week which was expected and was fine. Its so hard seeing our tiny girl with a canula in her hand though, it was almost bigger than her.
We've shared a cuddle each day this whole week, I even got two yesterday - one in the morning and another when I went in to be with her again at night. She is so settled when she's on my skin, its really lovely time together.
I'm getting tired but trying to maintain the juggling act. Poor DP & DS have had hand, foot & mouth disease so they've been a bit miserable and DP isn't visiting at the hossy for that reason. Thankfully I'm fine. I keep figuring that my body just knows that Heidi needs me with her, so I'm not going to succumb. But I'm watching for all the signs.
My supply seems to be stabilising nicely - I'm probably expressing between 400-450ml each 24 hours for her. The milk room at the hospital have told me to start freezing some at home rather than taking it all to the hossy right now. They've got plenty there for her needs right now. I cannot wait until she is old enough and ready to start having a go at proper breast feeds. I know it will be some time and a slow journey but instinctively I can't wait to share that with her.
Wonderful news hun! So so happy for you that Heidi is doing well, and that you're doing so well with your expressing! I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it sounds as though you're doing a wonderful job of enjoying the special times you are given. Keep on hanging in there, thinking of you lots
Oh hun, you and Heidi are doing so well!!! Glad to hear about the weight gain and all of those cuddles. You might feel like you aren't able to take care of her all of the time, but you should be very proud of yourself, it's that wonderful milk and all those cuddles that are helping Heidi grow so well.
xx
Your doing a great job keep it up
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