This is great to hear, little Heidi has been in my thoughts all day so wonderful to hear she is looking at Daddy. Hopefully she is well and truly on the mend now. Infinity how beautiful that you have some lovely photos and video of her... hope that they help you get through until you can see her again.
Been thinking of you and little Miss Heidi as usual
I am glad to hear of some very special little steps forward, opening her eyes awwwwww, we like the small one's, they make a big difference.
It is wonderful to hear that you have received the photos and that they have turned out beautifully, and their timing was impecible.
Sending you some strong get well vibes as well, but it is definitely worth the wait until you are much better before popping in, and the videos must have helped a little bit, it has brough back memories for me that when DD was born and taken to NICU, DH went down with the video and digital camers and bought them both back to me to watch, and it really does make a difference when you can't be there with them.
Take care and sending strength, courage and a bucket load of love to your and your family xxoo
What an amazing little girl you have there Infinity!
So nice for DH to get a really special daddy moment too, that is beautiful.
Hope you are feeling better soon and can get in to see Heidi soon..
DP is down at the hossy with Heidi as I type. He went down this morning to talk to the doctors and get an update - they decided to remove one of her central lines (the one in her scalp) as it was contributing to the fluid she was retaining around her neck. They're unsure if they'll try and get another line in tomorrow. She is showing small signs of improvement day by day, bit by bit which is all we can ask for. The doctors are happy that she has passed the worst stage but still cautious obviously. She is getting a bit more active and responsive each time DP is with her.
I miss her so terribly. I'm having a very fragile day today. I was planning on heading down to be with her in the morning but I just don't think I can do it on my own. DP is working tomorrow so I've decided that I will wait until Wednesday morning when we can go together and I can hold his hand. I feel like I'm going to fall to pieces. I had a great couple of weeks getting settled in a nice routine, visiting her independently and getting on with things. Keeping the basics done at home. Everything seems to be a bit more shaky this week somehow.
I had my follow up appt with the obstetric team this morning and they have concluded that an infection developing in the placenta triggered premature labour and DDs early arrival. They obviously keep the placenta growing (somehow?) and it has show signs of a few generic bacteria starting to grow, some sites of inflammation and increased white blood cells, which indicates infection. They said we could speculate until the cows come home about how the infection started but we'll never know. It could have been anything. Basically DD and my body knew that she needed to come out.
So that news has probably contributed to how I'm feeling today. Even though I know that I couldn't have done anything differently, I still feel so sad that I couldn't keep her safe in my tummy. I'm still greiving the last 15 weeks of my pregnancy in many ways - I actually love being pregnant and I'm sad that I'm going to miss out on those last few months with a big round growing belly, feeling her kick away inside of me. I look at DS and wonder why I couldn't grow a big healthy full term bubba this time around. Silly questions I know - I'm still processing it all in many ways. This whole experience has just shaken me to my core. There are going to be ripples for me for a long long time.
Thank you all for the positive energy you are sending her way, it is so very generous & kind.
It must be a lot for you to process - no doubt it'll take a long time to work it all out. For what it's worth, you did keep her safe by getting her out early, but I'm sorry it had to happen that way. And I'm sorry you missed out on those weeks.
It's brilliant news that she's improving bit by bit. I think a little TLC for you is in order right now so you're ready to go back to your little one on Wednesday. Take care
Glad Heidi is doing better and so sad that this is a bad week for you. It's always harder when you aren't there with them, as it feels like something you CAN do for them in the hospital to try to make up for feeling like you've failed them by not keeping them safe. It's a terrible, irrational guilt that I know Sal carries with her for not keeping our boys in her belly longer. It's not your fault, you body did the best thing for her and got her out so she wouldn't get sick from the infection. It's a crazy, hard thing you are being asked to do, you miss out on so much, the big round belly and all the attention that comes with being that pregnant. You have a new baby, yet when you go out, she's not with you. It's a terribly hard thing to deal with, give yourself time to grieve the lost weeks of your pregnancy, it is a loss even though Heidi is still with you, you have had so much taken away that so many people can't imagine.
You are doing the best job as her Mum as you can do, staying away at the moment is protecting her and just keep remembering that you will take her home and she will be your little baby girl at home with you making up your family of four where she belongs. I am amazed at your strength at every post, Heidi is such a lucky little girl to have two parents who love her as much as you do. Keep going Mum, you can do this!
Wonderful to hear that Heidi is showing continual signs of improvement and that your DP is able to share some very special moments with her.
Infinity, I cried reading the rest of your post as I could have written the exact same myself 15 months ago. Believe me, Heidi knows her mum and when she feels your touch and hears your voice again, her response will be magical and heart warming and everything will slowly begin to fall into place once again.
Even though Heidi came into this world early, you need to look at the wonderful job you did baking her for those 25+ weeks and that you now have the privilege to watch her grow on the outside. I still grieve for my lost 15 weeks and I cringe when I hear women in their last trimester wish their pregnancy away but there is nothing you could have done and like you said, your body knew exactly what to do.
Sending you lots of and strength for the next few days. Strength and growing vibes to Heidi and keeping you all in my thoughts & prayers.
It's been a really massive week for you, especially with you being away from your little girl. i too would soo need my DH to hold my hand...you all need lots and lots of cuddles too xx
honey be gentle with yourself. There was nothing you could have done. Good to hear she is making progress. You'll be with her soon, so rest and take care of yourself in the meantime.
You did an amazing job hun, it is hard to accept that our bodies for one reason or another just couldn't make it to term, you kept her safe and grew her to a beautiful size in the 25 weeks 6 days you baked her for, and I know that she will be eternally grateful to you for that, you have given her life
Progress is good, and we do like the small steps, she is a real little fighter and she isn't going to let an infection get in her way.
I am glad that you are going in with your DH tomorrow, to hold each other up, I hope you have a lovely long visit and get to see those beautiful little eyes open and her tiny fingers grasp yours.
Take care and don't worry about anything more than the basics xxoo
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