Sorry if this is crass, but having a vaginal exam to confirm a pg would be no more damaging to the baby than a penis would be during sex. I think you are well within your right to choose not to have a vaginal exam or any other test, but I do think your logic is a little flawed. Are you wanting a midwife for a homebirth or a birth centre birth? You would be hard pressed to find a midwife that would be comfortable with your refusing of any testing during your pg because it can reflect on them if you don't and something goes wrong if you were having a homebirth and if you were wanting a midwife birth centre birth then you won't be able to avoid the tests and still be able to birth there as they have their own regulations that must be followed etc.