Thanks for the advice guys. I tossed and turned all night thinking about how much pain she must be in right now. Im going to go with the charm bracelet idea.

Kristy, Im glad you popped in because I thought of you when she told me. I was umming and ahhing about asking if I could pass your number on to her so she has a connection in person with someone who understands how she feels on a stronger level than just sympathy if she needs it. Your military too so there is that added dimension.

Jayne, Im going to ring her on the weekend as Im not sure when exactly this all happened, she was about 7-8wks infront of me so Im guessing it would have been in the last 2wks. I didnt know whether it would be rude to ask if it was a boy or a girl, she didnt mention it so I thought maybe they might have chosen not to know. Its so hard to know what the right etiquette is for a situation like this so Im trying very hard not to step on toes.

I just keep thinking about silly things like I wonder if she got her VBAC and that it would suck to have it under these circumstances, whether the baby was a boy or a girl, if they named him/her, were they going to do a funeral or something because she was past 20wks so I think the law is that they are recognised officially? Did she have the support she needed, if they had got around to telling their DD (when they left here she was 16wks and still hadnt told her because of their previous miscarriage).

I just so wish I was up there