Parenting After Loss or Miscarriage November 2010

Sorry to do a drive by ( :lol: ) but I just wanted to share.......................I got offered work already for next year!! Doing school swimming from 9-2:30 in Term 1 and I said I could be free mon-tues-wed. OMG I would be so stoked if they even gave me one day of it plus normal shifts. Will give me a little extra $$$ for 10wks or so. The manager also said she was impressed with my enthusiasm and asked if there was any way I could increase my training hours to get them done before christmas break; I said sure Dh is on holidays from Dec 10th to Jan 27th so I can come every second day if they want. Im so excited can you tell :rofl:

ANNA _ What happened to the nursing? I'm completely bamboozled!!! I thought you were studying for nursing? But no, I have it wrong? Swimming Instructor? How did I miss this??? Please explain!!! LOL. But anyhoo, it sounds great, sounds as though you have found your 'flair'!!! Good on you. & no, I didn't get the excitement. bahahah

WILLOW _ Oh yeah honey, totally! You can do Newcastle. You will rock that place!! I'm so rapt for you that you can see Mako so much more as well! Woot!!! Ouchie with Little D & the feeding!!

KELLY _ How you going Chick?

MICHELLE _ You're absence is not unnoticed............. will turn Skype on in a minny.

DEB _ Just wanted to drop you off a few hugs my love. So sorry that things are pretty crud right now. Is there ANYTHING I can do?

LEE _ ooops, my mistake. lol. I think you have done fantastically flying solo! Good on you. Make sure you take your binoculars to the airport to pick up your man. You might not see him with the naked eye having lost that weight! lol

SPRING _ PM me babe. I miss you so much. xx

JANIE _ How's the boys going? I'm so sad I didn't meet your bigger guy, but so glad I met the little man!!!

BUN _ How's the packing going? Yep, we are back in Aus on 18 December til 1 Jan. When are you back in Perth? Definitely have to squeeze in a playdate.

ANGEL BABIES 3 - So glad you're back in here with us!

LANEY _ FB is banned in China........... boo hoo me. But I'm so glad you are posting in here! How's Grayson doing now?

LISA _ Um hello? Where are you???

ME _ Well, I was back into the running today & I'm so impressed with my stamina. bahahaha. Today, yes, I hyperventilated, but I recovered so much better & felt so much stronger. I'm going to kick this running caper! I'm soooooooooooo close to bringing sexy back!!!

Love ME

Its ok Jayne, the nursing is still happening!!! I just decided as part of my new life outlook a few weeks back that working might get me out of my funk; I love the boys but its been he!! being a SAHM 24/7 the past few years (may have something to do with the 3 14mths apart maybe eh) and I desperately need to do something for myself. That and financial independence, Im sick of hearing that I dont contribute from people (like wiping crappy butts and getting up 25 thousand times a night isnt work or contributing). I like the idea of MY money :lol: I love being a swimming teacher, its awesome. Great hours too.

Janye ----- you make me LAUGH... I could really do with a girls night out with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Far out - godamm heat wave in Hobart today... 30 degrees... thats HOT for us antarcticans!!!! Of course today was the day I decided on a long walk with the 2 babes... hence to say I nearly died of heatstroke coming home... now recovering in the cool house..... and it's looking like eggs on toast for dinnies (again lol).....

Hugs to all, Lee xo

Freya - so HAPPY for you babe... it's amazing how a little time invested on yourself can help..... thats wonderful about your work offers, I'm sure you'll love the time away from the lads, the extra $, the confidence boost for yourself, the time spent with other adults, the feeling like you are more than a mum..... all pluses in my book!!! And it'll take your mind off more recent crappity times Lee xoxoxo

Freya - so happy for you... that's great news.

Jayne - You go girl... I'm so jealous, I'd love to start getting fit again but just can't see it happening for quite some time!! There'll be nothing left of you by the time you get back to Perth!

Lee - I can totally relate to your exhaustion - LOL!! Not long to go now.. hang in there!!

Sorry, no time for more personals... just wanted to pop in quickly to say that things have started to turn around for us... I knew it was only a matter of time - LOL. My perfect baby has turned into a 'normal' newborn now and last night I was up every 2 to 2.5 hours. Getting only 1 hour of sleep at a time is killing me. The crying is getting a bit more regular too... oh, the joys!!! We're still doing ok... just really tired and a little exhausted... I'd forgotten how hard it is and was totally lulled into a false sense of security over the last week or so!! On a better note, it's great having my Mum here to do everything, I've been able to rest up today and even got a little sleep in. And the feeding is going ok.. still a bit ouchy but not bad! Anyway gotta go... dinner is almost ready!

Kel xxx

KELLY _ I'm sure it's just a bad 24 hours & little Campbell will settle again soon! I'm sure of it. I'm so glad you are getting some rest in. Your mum sounds fantastic!

Kelly - my advice to new mums (including myself lol) is to absolutely write off the first year... if you get decent sleep it's a bonus, but expect none.... low expectations are much easier to live with..... just rest/shut your eyes when you can.... I highly recommend an eye pillow, in case you get a spare 10 mins in the day to literally just shut your eyes.... I'm a great advocate of the power nap, it'll save you sanity if you can pull it off. Hang in there babe, Campbell will likely be more wakeful for some time now.... by 3 months he will start sleeping longer and be a tiny bit more predictable. Hugs babe, sleep deprivation is hard, but goes hand in hand with little kids.... xoxoxo

Well girls, got a massage booked, lunch date with girlfriend (child free), a movie, and thinking about a reflexology for next week :-) can't wait for a break! Love to all, Lee xo

oh my, you ladies have been busy. I get just enough time to read all of the posts and then a little one needs something!

First day home alone went pretty well. Brexton is still sleeping a lot. He has 2 or 3 really awake periods during the day but they only last a couple of hours. So far he is pretty relaxed and not as difficult as Grayson was. I know that can change very fast!

BFing didn't happen for me again. I was very sick after the c-section so they gave Brexton a bunch of bottles. He had a hard time latching on when I felt better. Of course that meant that I had painful cracks. My supply never came in very well either due to starting late. I feel like a failure because I gave up so easily :(

going to go close my eyes for a few minutes while the boys are quiet!

Kel,
Yep, it can come as a bit of a shock when the second one arrives - it's amazing how quickly we forget. I always found the first 3 weeks the worst. Getting to know your baby, getting into routines etc. But he will start sleeping again and so will you. Just hang in there. I know that is easier said than done! And don't forget, if it does get bad, there are settling routines that can be tried even at this early age (and they do work with patience - patience! how can I have patience with a newborn!!!!! ha, ha!).
Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Debbie

Ooooh Lee I'm loving your style!!!!!!!!!!!! You deserve it darl! Enjoy!

NOT a happy camper here today.............. After 4 mornings of running, I arrive at weigh in day................. NO LOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zip, zilch, nil, nufink! Completely the same weight as last week. Grrrrrr!

Jayne, Jayne, Jayne.... I'm not at all surprised, you are developing muscle my dear, muscle is heavier than fat. Don't loose heart as in time the scales will go back, and regardless of the stupid scales, what you are doing is good for your body (although it would not be good for mine for cripes sake!) - just keep going..... thats an order! Lee xoxoxo

Thanls Lee, it just sucks arse!!!!! Im so annoyed - I have busted my backside all week & I wanted results. I needed to see it, KWIM? You have seen me, nothing athletic bout my frame but it felt so good each morning pushing the limits & I just expected a loss. Anyway I got myself a pair of ankle boots to make myself feel better. Plus I had a caramel macchiato & also a wholemeal crossiant with turkey & cranberry sauce to make myself feel even better. bahahha. We are going to a Thanksgiving Dinner at Le Meridien tonight. I'm so looking forward to it! Roast Turkey - YES PLEASE!!!!

Jayne that would suck big time not seeing a change in the numbers on the scales but as Lee said you'd be making muscle now so it's still all ok..If only I had your motivation to get my butt moving..maybe in the new year but I won't hold my breath lol.
How's everything with all 4 of you?

Lee Not long to go now til your DH is home. Are you all getting excited?

Spring I hope you're ok..How are your boys? I can't believe Mr B is almost 1 too..Its crazy how fast that time has gone..

Willow How are you doing babe? How's that problem boobie coming along? Has it healed or is it still sore? How's everything with the moving plans?

Freya I saw your FB comment yesterday and OMG I'm jealous..I soooooo wish I was where you are right this minute..Make sure you pop in when you get back to tell us how it was :)

Bun Congrats on selling your house hun..When do you move back to Perth? How are your little ones doing?

Michelle, Bek, Lisa and Deb.. I've been thinking of all of you and just wanted to tell you so ;)

I've also been thinking of someone who popped in here a while ago Sequoia(sp) and have been wondering about how she's doing and if she's had her little bub yet? Does anyone know or talk to her on FB?

As for me I'm "FINE" (one for Michelle) :P I ended up telling my mum and my sister that I was having my op last week and can you believe it that neither of them have bothered to call or text to see if I'm ok. I'm a bit pi**ed with both of them atm over it but DH asked me last night if it really does surprise me and when I think about it my answer sadly is "no it doesn't" I guess I don't rank up as being important enough to give a c**p about in their lives..Oh well atleast I have some wonderful friends and a gorgeous son and DH who care and I guess that's more important to me.
I'm sorry for the vent but I guess I'm feeling a bit on the fragile atm :(

I really do hope you're all having a good weekend. Sage & I have been to a 3rd Birthday and a 1st Birthday party today so he's all tuckered out and asleep now thank goodness. I just hope he wakes up in a decent mood and then we'll mow the lawn when it cools down a bit and I'm hoping to talk DH into going to the Entrance tomorrow to see the pelicans being fed..I think Sage would love to see that and its something that we haven't done yet as a family..we used to go there often with my grand parents when I was little so it's something that I want to take Sage to see.

Hiya - Just wanted to pop in and introduce myself and join in. Some of you know me or of me already, and some we'll be starting out new. I am Dory. Mum to newborn Hannah (9 weeks old) and 3 children who died after birth but too early in the pregnancies to survive and also a m/c. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Jayne - I saw your ticker - you are amazing.... you are bringing sexy back, even if the journey is long and at times disheartening. Go girl.

Mako - hope you're ok with your op. Sorry family just sucks sometimes..... that's in part why I joined today. Just not sure where else to turn for some support at the mo. More on that later.

Laney - hello to you and Grayson and Brexton... hope you're going well solo. Actually as much as I look forward to the weekends when DH is home, I also love Mondays when he goes back to work and we have some girl time here at home.

Here's my heartache today.... I recently sent out combined birth announcement thankyou cards for Hannah. One of the paragraphs was - "Our much anticipated and much adored baby girl, carried to us on the wings of angels". It was my way of recognising and paying tribute to Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie, but trying to do it in a way that didn't take away from the moment for Hannah. If I do say so myself, I thought it was just right, and balanced the need to honour my angels with the desire to celebrate Hannah's arrival.

A person who received hers yesterday said to me over the telephone today " Oh, carried to us on the wings of angels huh.... I am worried about that, what kind of religious bent is that? Who wrote that?" All said in a disparaging tone of voice and with the implication that my DH wrote it.

In the instant that she said that I wanted to yell in response that it was referring to Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie, but surely no one could be so obtuse as to miss the reference, especially when they knew my babies before Hannah had died? In that instant I wanted to yell at the person for being so damn hurtful In that instant I wanted to hang up the phone the cry, In that instant I did none of those things, and I just don't know why.

So now as the tears roll down my cheeks, I question why I didn't do any of those things and wonder if I am just too weak to stand up for myself and my children, and then I wonder why I can't stand up for my children, my children who can't do it themselves. Does it mean that I don't love them enough? But then I think, perhaps I just rose above such hurtful comments and the small mind who felt the need to say such inexplicable things. Perhaps I am stronger than I think. I just don't know, all I know is it hurts, it hurts more than I care for it to right now. But I still ponder am I reed that gets pushed around by the stream of life or am I an oak standing tall and resolute?

Grief my old companion, is never far away and with grief comes so much self doubt. Today
my companion exacts a heavy toll and not one that I think I can resolve.

Any ideas? This person is a relative and has been really close to me all my life. Lately she has just been out of control, even her own kids say that she just doesn't think before she shoots off her mouth. But sheez.

OH Dory, WELCOME!!! I have 'seen' you around BB. I'm so glad you are joining us in here!!!

Personally, I think that you wrote on Hannah's thank you cards was absolutely beautiful & wonderfully constructed. I don't think a poet could have done any better if they tried. If you could call the person who rang you to talk about your verse, I don't think you could call them a friend. If they knew you, even in the slightest, they would have known EXACTLY where the reference was being made to. She SHOULD have had the brains to piece it together & the fact that she called you about it really raises questions about intelligence to me. I'm sorry if that sounds really nasty, but it just irks me so much when people can be so stupid!

Rise above it babe, you KNOW you are much better than her to get down on her level & fight it out with her. Your babies are your entire world & you don't need to justify them to ANYBODY! They are forever treasured in your heart & if those close to you can't see it, then maybe they shouldn't be so close.

I can completely understand why you didn't fight. You have more class. You don't need to justify anything to this relative. Keep your head & chin held high.

My advice............ hmmmmm, I think my advice would be to avoid her. See if she comes to you with an apology - because I think she owes you one. But if not, I would just avoid her. Who needs issues like that? Especially from family members.

Love Jayne x

PS _ Can't wait to hear all about the delightful Hannah. I really LOVE her name!!! So classical!

Jayne - thanks! I like that I am classy and Hannah is classical! Hey how far are you running? I have started some thing that looks more like a geriatric shuffle than running. LOL. I do a few bursts of about 5-10 metres during my walks. I can't wait to get back to running. Have you tried a triathalon? I have only done one, but am so keen to get back into my fitness so I can do one.

Hi Dory and I have to say I'm happy you've joined us in here although I'm sorry about your precious angel bubs :hug:
I just wanted to let you know that I'd be so annoyed(I'd prefer a stronger word but anyway) with that relative of yours who phoned you and said those things to you..I personally think what you wrote on Hanna's thank you and announcement cards is just beautiful and very very fitting. I really think some people are just so very rude and shouldn't be given the time of day kwim? I also think you are much stronger than what you are giving yourself credit for. Well done on rising above this person in the way you did :clap:
Anyway how is Miss Hannah doing? How are you doing?

Kelly How are you all doing? You've been a bit quiet lately and I'm hoping you're all ok and just being busy :)

Jayne How are you doing? When do you fly back for Christmas? How is your beautiful family doing?

Michelle I've been thinking of you and am hoping you're ok :hug:

Lee :happybirthday: to Flynn..I can't believe your little fella is the big 1 today :)

Not much going on here..Just trying to get my act together and think about doing some Christmas shopping and counting down the days until we go away..Most of you know how hard this time of year is for me with a couple of angels growing their wings so very very close to Christmas but I'm really trying my best to make this 1 a happy one for Sage..He's soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited about everything to do with Christmas..he loved having his pic taken with Santa on Monday and he loves the decorations we have up and MIL was trying to do some of hers today and Sage was just trying to help with everything..its just beautiful that our precious little boy is having such a wonderful time with it all..
I want to be able to have some genuinely happy pics of us this year to put into his special Christmas photo album as all the pics from last year are all tainted with such sadness from both DH & myself and that just breaks my heart every single time I look at them.

Also I was looking at some pics on FB last night of our friend's little baby girl who is only 2 weeks old and Sage jumps up on my lap and tells me "we need one of those too mum" meaning a little baby..He is just adorable and I did really really well not to cry when he said that :)

Anyway I have a huge week and weekend coming up..Work is rather busy atm with people trying to rush in and get their kids taught to swim before the holidays :shakehead: Sorry people but it does take more than 3 lessons to teach a child to swim!!! and I'm heading to Sydney on Saturday on a shopping bus trip lol..I don't do buses very well cos I get travel sickness so that should be fun lol and Sunday we are having our little mother's group Christmas party so that should be fun so long as the weather clears up.

I hope everyone is ok.

DORY- The words 'marathon' & my name don't go into the same sentence......... bahaha. I'm laughing so hard just thinking about it!!! The trek home from school is about half an hour & I'm guessing it's about 4km? I know that isn't far, but you have never seen my bent out of shape bod! lol. I have little markers set up & I have to run to each one & then walk for a few minutes & then run to the next one. I am finding that I am running greater distances than I am walking & I'm getting stronger with my stride & also recovering with my breath better. We taxi to school, then I run/jog/hyperventilate home, then during the day, any grocery shopping or errands is done on foot & then I walk back to the school in the afternoon & probably 80% of the time, we walk home again. I'm getting about 3 hours+ of exercise per day. Then on Friday's I do Zumba. It sounds a lot, but honestly, the results I'm getting are so worth it! You will love chatting with Kelly, she does triathalons & so does her man. That is just WAY too much for me!! So, tell us, have you spoken to the 'relative in question'? I'm curious as to what comes out her mouth next. How is Miss Hannah today???

MAKO _ Bless your beautiful heart, I think you are such an awesome & inspiring lady. Sage is so lucky to have you!!! I can't wait to get back to Aus & see his Santa pic on FB! The girls are going super! They are loving all the Christmas fanfare taking place at school. Boy, I thought in Aus we went OTT at Christmas, you should see how the Americans & also the Chinese do it! The Chinese don't celebrate Christmas, but all their malls are decked out to the nines in the most beautiful of decorations. It's wonderful. There are HUGE glittering Christmas trees everywhere. The kids think they are in wonderland! The classrooms at school all have trees, lights, tinsel, fake snow & decorations everywhere. It's really festive!!! Jessica got an absolutely glowing first report card from the school, so we are thrilled about that.

AFM _ I am so Mother Earth, I made a big stroganoff for dinner last night, so it's leftovers all the way tonight! bahahaha. No cooking for me thank you very much! I'm off to snuggle my babies on the couch & watch cartoons. Oh yeah, the fog this mornign was so bad, I thought we had floated into the clouds. I couldn't even see the ground, let alone the other apartments in our complex. It took Alan's driver 4.5 HOURS to navigate the traffic to get him to work!! Madness.

Hello!! I'm here... have been offline for a few days, damn phone stopped working, which meant no internet either and it's been killing me!!! Thankfully we've got it back again now but haven't had time to catch up on everything!!

All is going well with us.... I'm extremely tired still as Campbell is waking quite a bit at night. Last night we had a few two hourly feeds.. which means not much sleep before waking again for the next feed. I've also had a few 'tummy problems'.. I think all the painkillers have been catching up with me and giving me some tummy aches.. not much fun. So I've stopped them all now.. except for the odd panadol as I've still got a bit of pain. Anyway other than the sleep deprivation, Campbell is such a great baby still. We still haven't even got the dummy out which I'm completely amazed about!! It's there waiting though and I've been tempted a few times but he really doesn't need it so we'll just wait and see. The feeding is going better than expected too.. although I still have a very sore nipple!! LOL.. but we're hanging in there and I know it's just an attachment problem!!

Anyway must go.. have heaps to catch up on since being offline!! Hope everyone is well.

Kel xxx

KELLY _ Yay! I have missed you. Sort that attachment out darl!! If your nipple is still sore, it's only going to get worse!! Keep re-attaching him until it feels 'right', he might fuss, but it will be him who reaps the rewards at the end - he'll get a better feed. So sorry bout the 2 hourly feeds, but he must be growing?? So glad to hear about the dummy too. Not that I feel there's anything wrong with them, but so much better not having to go & put them back into their mouths all night long! Maybe Michelle can advise better on the painkillers? Maybe you have overloaded it a bit? Do you go back to your OB soon? You poor love!

LEE _ Guess what? I got off 1.1kg today!!!!!!!!! Very, very, very, very happy girl right now! Rewarded myself with a really cute halter-neck top for our 2 weeks in Aus, some white linen pants & a really cute soft green singlet with a black tie around the waist. Ah, simple things!!!! How you doing??

Love ME

Hi my lovelies,

Dory - a warm welcome hon, I've followed your journey and truly admire the way you honour your lost and precious babes - I think what you wrote is BEAUTIFUL, how sad that friend completely missed the point.... I have very very little patience for stuff like that, so I'd probably be giving her a small serve, but knowing all the time it's probably not worth the effort. Your little girl is beautiful, you must just soak her up. There's so many emotions looking at your living baby, with your angels always so close by... we all understand the complexities of how all that goes, hugs.

Sorry girls - have been doing it a big tough - have really bad hayvever... and major issues with lack of sleep - no fault of any small children, just me and insomnia.... and just feeling fragile right now, DH's homecoming has not really been what we hoped for - and to be honest, it's going to be so hard to make it work - I don't know I have the energy.... so, yeah, it's all a bit blah blah blah at the moment. We are heading up to NSW on 17th Dec for 3 weeks with my family - we all need this, relaxed beach holiday, so will see how things go.... but I'm not feeling hopeful now.

Sorry to put a downer in here....

Thanks for all your wishes for Flynn's birthday - we had a nice day with him - but will do a bbq with his godmother/my bestie in Hobart on Sunday - so that will be more exciting! He was happy eating the wrapping paper anyway lol.

Jayne - well done on the 1.1kg... you are fading away babe, and photo of you in your new outfit!

Hi to everybody else - hope the christmas season is not out of hand - it's always a tough time for most of us - but this year is more than tough for our darling Michelle - thinking of you hon, so much ....

Lots of love, Lee xo

Oh Lee - I'm sending you massive get well vibes. What a crud ending to your time flying solo! It's liberating to be able to have DH come home & you be bright as a button, like it was no sweat at all. It's crud you have to see him arrive chocked up with hayfever. I really hope you can get some meds to dry it out. & fast. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLYNN!!! I can't believe how quickly that 12 months has gone!! I still picture the tiny bub in your ticker pic! I think you best update it! lol

Hello my dear friends. Sorry I have been absent from this thread, but my life has been crazy, busy and just plain mad. I have been keeping track of some of you on FB but I have missed out on all the detail of your daily lives, the trials and tribulations, but I think of you all and have missed the chatting.

Im still trying to catch up on everything in this current thread! BTW Miss Jayne, I didnt know you had BB!! I kind of thought a FB ban meant everything is banned :doh:

Dory - here you will find friendship, comfort, compassion and the best bunch of women you will ever meet. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies, but so happy to see you have the most precious little earthside angel in your arms. Hannah is a beautiful name btw. As for this 'friend' she is to say the least, insensitive. I think acknowledging your other children in such a special way in Hannah's birth announcement is beautiful, its hard for some people to accept (or just plain ignorance) that angel babies will forever be part of us, our families and we need to acknowledge them and remember them. Sending you massive :hug:

AFM - we have moved house, had major events, started work, still not sorted at new place, both girls now in childcare, Natalya's christening is in two weeks, organising DH's 40th, dealing with a brother who is a recovering drug addict and trying to help him organise his life on a daily basis, and the list goes on and on and on...

But Im sure you will be pleased to know that Natalya is SLEEPING!!! After 7 long months of sleep deprivation and constant crying, she has settled into the most perfect, adorable little cherub, who on most occasions, sleeps right through!!

And Miss A, well for the last 48 hours her fave phrase has been 'effing idiot'! She heard it and now wont stop saying it. Worst part is she is using it in context! On a side note, she is fully TT, no night nappies either!

Love and light my ladies,
Lisa xxx

Hi guys. Just a quick post because a few of you have been concerned (that would be Jayne and Lee tonight :lol:) I am humbled to be in the thoughts of so many so often and extremely grateful. Every thought through the ether is another positive one getting through to me and helping me get through the day.

I am around but I don't want to bring the thread down. I am tired. Exhausted actually. I can feel the internal slump in my shoulders as I am trying to get through each day. I get to bed late (hoping that the 2 big ones have finally crashed right now) and up early with the little one. I have neither the energy nor the hands to deal with the bedtime routine at the moment. DS2 is fluctuating in his patterns which is all perfectly normal. It just means I miss the sleep window with DD in particular and then we are up until midnight :wall: These tendencies may be positives in the future but right now they are exhausting me.

I lost it at them tonight. Screaming banshee mummy came out and as a result I have a killer headache. I am trying to do the Christmas "thing" when I have no desire to be merry. But I need to be. For the babies. It isn't their fault Daddy is dead and so Mummy must keep on keeping on. Regardless. And because it is busy and the end of the year there is limited support and the support that is there is fabulous but it still doesn't give me any more sleep. Both of my parents are working. IL's have been unwell. One BIL is a boofhead (probably not coping is more like it) and the other one has a sick bubba just bigger than mine who will need surgery and probably before the end of the year. 2010 cannot end soon enough.

And I have to get through the baptism of our baby in a week. Without the most important person next to me. And it hurts too much to think about. Thankfully it is just us and just family but I never, ever thought I would be doing this on my own. DH was always there. Now it is just me. BIL will be with me for support but it is not DH. Another knife through my heart. I sometimes wonder how much I can take. But I am FINE (right back at you Mako ;) ) And we did the work Christmas party the other week. Asked how I was on many occasions. Actually got to the stage where a few people were challenged with the "do you want the polite version or the truth" The polite version is we are doing ok. The real version is a lot darker and rather black on many, many days. But I have my facade. I have my shell. It is all that is keeping me together right now and I hold onto it very, very tight.

Dory - it is good to see you in here. I too followed your journey to this baby. Welcome to our corner. It is a special one.

Lisa - good to see you back xx

Big hellos to everyone. All is quiet which hopefully means they have finally fallen asleep. Now I just need to transfer the sleeping G and hope for a few consecutive hours for me. I am here. Just lurking. But I am ok. Day by day. G is 5 months old and G has been dead 8 months. Time is just marching on by.

Oh - we have a tooth too. A small woo hoo in amongst the other stuff. DS2 is also doing beautifully in his developmental stuff so the next appointment is at 1yo. And I am blessed with cheeky, chatty, incredibly intuitive and intelligent little people. Positive affirmations to wipe away the negatives. Because despite everything, we are healthy and (relatively) happy. We are fed and clothed and clean and loved. There is still a crack to let the light through. Despite everything.

Michelle... :hug: I am honestly in complete awe of the strength and grace you show through all of this. My health issues have me hitting the point of exhaustion when DH spends a few too many evenings out. I hope you managed to get some sleep, and I really hope we can get my issues managed better quite soon. I feel awful when I have lots of time and the desire to help out, but the body... not so much.

Dory, a quick welcome to you. I'm sorry that you were treated so insensitively, but glad that you have found this little haven of support.

Must run - DH is going out again (I do miss the little eye rolling smiley!) and while he did offer to take Sam, he had forgotten that he needs to take his car, not mine. So won't have a car seat for the munchkin. Mummy doing solo duty while exhausted and in agony yet again. *sigh*

BW

Nope. Not much sleep at all. But off to the park and then to pick up the Santa present while I have reinforcements. Had to move a 34kg package on your own with 3 little ones :)

BW - I hope there is something that can help you with this soon xx

Bummer. :( Hard to move a 34kg package on your own with any number of little ones, so I'm glad you have reinforcements.

Current plan is to push the methotrexate to 20mg and give it one more month. Rheumy has insisted I go back onto prednisone - mostly because it's a prerequisite to get approved for the tumour necrosis factor alpha inhibitors (scary name, huh?!) that are starting to look like our only option. He has at least agreed that I can go with a very low dose, but it's still scary. I once had a crazy allergy thing swell one eye shut which my GP decided to treat with a short burst of prednisone and it made me so cranky and aggressive that when Sam had a clingy day I found myself wanting to throw him through the wall. I didn't, but it scared me and I have refused to take it ever since. No improvement by the end of January and we start jumping through the incredible paperwork hoops to get me funding for the meds. At least this way if DH insists on dragging us out to visit his parents (very cramped, very hot, very uncomfortable conditions) I can blame the drugs if I completely lose it at them. :)

BW

Michelle you amaze me :hug:

I second that Lisa... Michelle... you're incredible and have every right to feel the way you're feeling. Please don't feel like you're bringing us down... we're here to help you through!!! Massive hugs.

Kel xxx

Michelle - :hug: You don't ever bring us down, you inspire us.

Lee - :hug:

Lisa - Good to see you back.

Not a great time of the year around here either but ours are only financial/moving stresses and nothing much to complain about in the scheme of things. I will be glad when this is all over, but in the meantime, we'll keep keeping on.

Thinking of you all, especially Michelle, and wondering how Deb is doing?

Willow I hope the stress of moving eases up for you soon and hope like crazy you guys find a house up here soon..Let me know if I can help out in any way shape or form and I'll do my best ;)

Michelle You most certainly do not bring us down..like the others have said you are such a amazing and inspirational person who we all love and care about and think of you often..just wish you were closer so we could be more help for you in person :hug: Oh and WOOHOO on G having a tooth..what a clever boy he is :)

Lisa It's good to see that you popped in to update us on how you guys are doing too..Well done to Miss N for sleeping much better for you now :)

Kelly How are your boys doing? I saw something on FB the other day about Campbell outgrowing the newborn nappies..you must have some awesome mummy milk going on there :) well done!!

BW Sorry to hear you haven't been very well..I hope things improve a bit with the medication :hug:

Lee how is everything going with you? How did your help session thingy go last week for everyone in your family?

Deb I've been thinking of you and wondering how you're doing. I have been following your little fur girl's drama these past couple of days and hope she's home safe with you very very soon :hug:

Freya how are you hun? You've been MIA for a bit and am worried about you :hug:
How is the swimming coming along? Are you still enjoying it?

Jayne How are you all doing? Are you looking forward to coming back to Aus for Christmas? How's Jess and Claudia?

Bun How's the packing going? When do you move back to Perth?

Bek How are you all doing? How was your holiday?

Janie Where are you?? You've been rather quiet of late and I hope you're ok.

Spring Have been thinking of you too. I hope you and your boys are all ok too

We've had a lot going on here but doing ok.

Hi guys, sorry it has been so very very long since I posted last. Life has just been crazy lately with the move next week - I can't believe how quickly it has come around! I have so much to do at the moment and still have nowhere to live over in Perth. And to add to everything else, my phone died on me yesterday which was the last thing I needed! I had been waiting to get to Perth to get myself an iphone as there is a three month wait for one here, so there went that idea! I managed to get myself a Samsung Galaxy S and that is very similar to an iphone anyway, and I am happy with it so far. Those of you whose phone numbers I have (or should I say had!), can you please either PM or text them to me (with your name) so I can stay in touch?

Jayne - good on you with the weight loss, yay!! I have still only lost a measly 1kg of my baby weight sadly. I am also into zumba and loving it! It is a total crack up and we have a fabulous instructor over here, I will be sad to leave but hopefully will find another good class over in Perth. What dates are you back for Christmas? We will have to catch up if possible, and if Kelly is there at the same time it would be great if we could all catch up. And I still haven't met the gorgeous Campbell, although I imagine I will have to line up if I want a cuddle!

Deb - how are things going? So glad to hear that your dog is ok!

Michelle - don't ever worry about bringing us down hun. We just want to help in anyway we can. I can imagine that this Christmas will be very hard for you and the kids and it must be almost impossible to get into the Christmas spirit, especially when you are so tired. I wish I was closer and could help out. Sending a massive :hug: your way hun.

kelly - how is C going? I hope you are getting enough sleep.

willow - I can totally relate to the stress of moving right now, and we don't even have renos to take care of and DH is here with me, yet I am still totally stressed out! It really is the worst time of year to move isn't it? Christmas isn't even on my register at the moment, it is something to start worrying about once we are in Perth, so I am afraid my family aren't going to be getting the most inspired presents this Christmas!

mako - How are you hun?

Lisa - sounds like you have had a lot on your plate too! I hope things calm down a little now in time for Christmas. I couldn't help but laugh about A using the F word. We had the same issue here with DD saying FFS, also in context. I was mortified the first time she said it! Thankfully she stopped it pretty quickly and we are now much more careful with our language. Hopefully A will stop soon too.

Lee -I am sorry to hear that DH's homecoming wasn't what you were hoping for. FWIW similar things have happened with DH and I. I think because you build up the homecoming so much, but he is tired from travelling, you are tired from looking after the kids on your own for so long and everyone is tired and cranky which never makes for a nice time. I hope things start to improve soon hun, it must be really hard for you.

Dory - welcome to our thread. I was going to say what the others have already said about the comment you received. I think what you and your DH wrote was just beautiful and I don't see how anyone could not understand it!

Janie & Spring - I am missing you guys! Hope all is ok.

Hi to everyone I have missed. Sorry for not popping in much. I may not be around much for the next few weeks either depending on how quickly we can find a house in Perth and get settled in. At least I have the net on my phone now though so can read but just may not post much. Thinking of you all,

Bun

Thankyou for the warm welcome.... and words of wisdom.

I'll be back to read more but I just wanted to send my love to you Michelle. Thankyou for being so gracious as to extend such words of kindness to me, in a time which I do not doubt has many dark times for you.

You will get through, as you have the courage and strength and a gentle beauty. It's usual to doubt yourself, especially when you are tired and just remember not to be so hard on yourself! You are grieving and there are moments all around you that will remind you of your DH. The christening will be hard... but your DH will be there in spirit. I know it's not how you want him there.... so big hugs. If I could I'd come and help you... but Brisvegas is a long way away.... hope you get some rest soon. Go gently.

Im here Mako. Things have just been crazy lately. Dh and I started marriage counselling last week. I havent been back to swimming due to appointments and some crazy AF stuff but next week I will start doing 3 nights a week to finish up my training because Dh is on holidays. Im just chugging along at this point in time. The kids are excited for christmas which is cool.

I had some blood tests done last week because of all this crazy bleeding Ive had after the d&c and they didnt come back with good results for my reproductive hormones soooooo I had to have more yesterday and go back for the results next week. What I googled from my results was a bit scary. One option was being pre menopausal. Another was that my ovaries were chucking it in or that my ovarian reserve was less than impressive. Which could explain the miscarriage if its a case of egg quality. So now Im freaking out because the GP basically said that it might be a case of closing up shop for more babies or a need to have another one if we choose to ASAP.................bit hard with Dh being away most of this year and not being keen on TTC now so that I would deliver while he is away :( She said she'll refer me on to a fertility specialist if I want once the other results are back but it could take months to get an appt and for what? If Dh isnt here its a moot point. I know I should be grateful I have 3 healthy kids but I feel so frustrated that we had m/c and I finally got DH on board for more kids and now this.

Hi Freya - couldn't not reply to your message babe.... don't have much wisdom to offer.... you seem way too young to potentially be having these kinds of problems. I have heard of that 'newish' blood test which can check your egg number/quality... is that what you are now getting done or had done? It's a right pain with your DH going away.... my first though was to get some sperm out of the man before he heads off... this might be drastic, but at least you have the other half of the recipe should you need it quickly, depending on your results I guess. Hang in the babe till you get the rest of your results, things may not be as bad as you think - stop googling!!

Hi to everyone else .... raining here in Hobart, I love it I really do.

Mako - thanks for asking babe - unfortunately they cancelled the blended family workshop for lack of numbers, they may run it again next year. For now, I'm kind of in a holding pattern while DH sorts out his job - may end up overseas, not sure yet... and we shall see where we are at then.

Got to rush girls, feral o'clock seems to have started early today - YAH for us!!

Lee xoxoxo

Freya - Massive hugs hun.. I wish I had something more inspiring to say. It just sucks that DH is heading away and I'm hoping that you're bloods come back with some more positive resutls. Thinking of you and STOP GOOGLING.. it's the worst thing you could possibly do (and it's the first thing I always do too)!!!!

Lee - More hugs for you too hun. Thinking of you and praying things improve with DH.

Bun - OMG.. I can't believe you're going so soon!!! Good luck hun, such a big move back and I'm praying you've now found somewhere to live!! We're not back in Perth until January 13 and I think Jayne has gone by then... bummer. Would love to catch up with you though, so we'll have to plan something!

Mako - Glad to hear you say things are going ok... I really hope they are and am still praying for you every day!

Lisa - Great to hear from you.. we really must organise another catch up for the new year.. you've just gotta meet Campbell!!

Michelle - Where are you???

Sorry, no time for more personals but I'm thinking of you all. As for us.. we're doing ok. Still very tired as Campbell is waking pretty much every 3 hours and has started becoming a lot more unsettled... I knew it wouldn't last!! LOL. We had the health nurse today and he's stacking on the weight.. now weighs 4.7kg and has put on 800gm a week over the last two weeks... when he's supposed to only put on 250gm per week... crazy!!! So it looks like he's feeding a bit too much and for comfort, so he's got the dummy now and today has been heaps better. I think he was feeding so much he was getting a tummy ache.. but wanted the boob for comfort so just kept feeding!! Now he's much happier sucking the dummy!! And the health nurse thinks he's got reflux... sooo annoying but not surprising.. I thought it was heading that way, he's not been a happy camper. So off to the paed we go!! it's not as bad as Luke had it though so hopefully we won't need medication!!

Anyway must go... Luke is being a little monster lately and he's out of bed again.. he's been a right little grump this avo and I've had enough of the attitude!! I keep telling him Santa won't be visiting if he keeps this up!!! LOL. Poor little guy, I know it's hard for him too!!

Kel xxxx

Grrr, I just did a huge post & was right at the end & I lost it. Boo hoo to me.

I'll come back later for personals. Sorry for a selfish post.

I now have a 6 year old!!! I can't believe Jess turned 6 on Sunday. She is over the moon with her Nintendo DSi after lots of tears the week leading up to her special day with her thinking that the Birthday Fairies wouldn't be able to find her in China. Bless her heart.

Had a bit of a stumble today on some oil or something when crossing a road & as a result I'm in absolute agony with my back. Have taken some Nurofen Plus but it's not helping. I have never hurt my back before. I actually think I did more damage trying to balance myself rather than the actual slip - KWIM? So I have been taking it easy on the couch the rest of the day, but I have to walk & get the kids pretty soon, I just hope it eases it up with walking, rather than adding more pain. Looks like my Zumba class is off tomorrow. :(

So sorry for being so selfish - I'll be back for my girls tonight!

MWAH! xx

Happy belated Birthday Jess.
Jayne How is your back now? I have to say there is nothing worse than a lower back injury. I hurt mine 8 years ago (2 bulging discs) and OMG its the worst thing ever..I hope you're feeling better or have managed to go for a massage to help relieve some of the pain :hug:

Freya Big :hug: coming your way. I hope the counselling helps you and your DH out. How did your blood results come back the other day? I hope things are looking up a bit for you soon :hug:

Lee Bugger about the blended family workshop being cancelled..fingers crossed they run it next year and hopefully you all benefit from it :hug:

Michelle Thanks for the chat the other night..I managed to get some Christmas shopping done but not online. I'm thinking of you this weekend :hug:

Bun All the best with your move back to Perth :)

I have a busy weekend this weekend..Sage & I braved the crowds at the shops this morning to do some more present shopping and we have MIL's family Christmas party this arv and my work party tonight and a 40th to go to after that that DH will already be at and tomorrow a quick trip down the freeway to a special friend's house for DH to do a little bit of work and then home again for FIL's family Christmas party dinner..Oh the joys of this time of year..I really need to try and start to feel festive but its so damn hard..I even broke down in the shops while Sage was eating his lunch..they were playing Christmas carols and one in particular brought me undone :doh: So not a good look sitting at the table in a crowded eatery with tears streaming down my face..took me by surprise that's for sure :(
Anyway I'm sorry to be a downer once again..I really should get off here and wrap some presents for the party this arv.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.