Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ December 09

[BekZ]

oh Janie whats up?? I hope you are ok

[Lee]

Michelle - your post resonated with me. My DH and I struggled over our decision. I reiterate with others have said - this is a decision between you and your DH and your family, what is right or not for you - it's just so individual, people are so different with a monumental/ethical/emotional issue such as this - and I honestly don't think it will come to that for you anyway, Omar is fine I'm sure. But I understand your need to find a comfortable spot for it, get it clear in you heart and head. My DH and I made the heartbreaking choice to not continue with the pregnancy, this was only a few months after we had lost Luc, so we very much thought the Universe was out to get us. But for us the decision, although heartbreaking, was the right one for us. We felt we were older, so less able/willing to take on a special needs child, and we were also concerned for other other children. I'm only telling you this to share, not to try and sway your thinking. I'm sure some thought I was evil for making this choice, and others went along with me - I don't talk about this very much. And when I fell pregnant with Remy and went for the NT Scan - I had already decided that if she had problems I would definately continue with the pregnancy - now, this may make me a hypocrite - but it just reminds us that one right decision at one time, is not the right decision at another. I'm pretty sure I'm waffling - but I just wanted to say I don't think you would be a hypocrite to make a hard call just because it took you so long to get pregnant. Any child born is a blessing, I hope you are finding some peace right now.... hugs.... Lee xo

[Lee]

Janie - was typing previous post - what's happened, are you and bubs okay? With the exception of our Bun and her new man, It's been a crappy week in here girls..........xoxoxo

[JCE0810]

Janie i hope you are ok

[BekZ]

Michelle - your post resonated with me. My DH and I struggled over our decision. I reiterate with others have said - this is a decision between you and your DH and your family, what is right or not for you - it's just so individual, people are so different with a monumental/ethical/emotional issue such as this - and I honestly don't think it will come to that for you anyway, Omar is fine I'm sure. But I understand your need to find a comfortable spot for it, get it clear in you heart and head. My DH and I made the heartbreaking choice to not continue with the pregnancy, this was only a few months after we had lost Luc, so we very much thought the Universe was out to get us. But for us the decision, although heartbreaking, was the right one for us. We felt we were older, so less able/willing to take on a special needs child, and we were also concerned for other other children. I'm only telling you this to share, not to try and sway your thinking. I'm sure some thought I was evil for making this choice, and others went along with me - I don't talk about this very much. And when I fell pregnant with Remy and went for the NT Scan - I had already decided that if she had problems I would definately continue with the pregnancy - now, this may make me a hypocrite - but it just reminds us that one right decision at one time, is not the right decision at another. I'm pretty sure I'm waffling - but I just wanted to say I don't think you would be a hypocrite to make a hard call just because it took you so long to get pregnant. Any child born is a blessing, I hope you are finding some peace right now.... hugs.... Lee xo

Lee

[Inanna]

Oh Janie now you have me all stressed... Please please please come in & tell us as soon as you can. Big big cuddles my love.

What a lovely post Lee & I feel sure that it will warm Michelle when she reads it.

I understand Lee fully your thought processes and decisions that you made... I also support them...

When I was pregnant with DS, DD2 & DD3 I had amniocentesis. I chose this as I worked around this & I had a real "fear" of having a child with trisomy 21. I am not sure why I was so fearful but I was. Largely it had to do with knowing Mr Wonderful has a morbid fear of "difference" & I knew he would not cope. I made the decision that if there was an abnormality I would interrupt the pregnancy. They were all fine. My DD that became an angel and her subsequent brother & sisters all had great NT results so I chose not to do an amnio. The same with Immy... However, I had already decided before the NT that whatever the results with her pregnancy I would continue. I felt for me that I was challenged to roll with the punches and not try and hold on so tight to perfection (this is only relevant to me - being a nurse, anal and a virgo - I like to know what's around the corner... )...

It is often ironic to me that now I am faced with the very real probability that Imogen has a chromosomal abnormality...
I have been challenged greatly by this - from lots of levels. However, she is who she is - and she is my girl. I have days when I think... Bahh there's nothing wrong"... Days when I know there is something "wrong" & I catch myself projecting a whole future for her... However to me she is perfect & of course she is - she is who she is.

However, I balance that with this is what my journey is - it's this for a reason & I will do it the best I can.

So, like Lee I would have made different decisions at different stages of my life. I will think Michelle you will go through lots of feelings and jump from decision to decision. It is okay.
It is also okay to choose what is right for you. So, I hope in sharing you can hear that at least 2 of us have made a choice - and both were different at different times.

I just wish darling heart that I could hug you, sit with you and just be with you. I am very very teary writing this as my heart is breaking for the pain and confusion you are feeling.

Just know darling that this is going to be whatever it is - and you have us here with you.

As Lee said there is a very big chance that Omar is chromosomally fine. He is what he is...

[Willow]

I don't even know what to say anymore We're certainly not having a good time of it hey beautiful ladies?? (apart from the beautiful Mr Joshua of course!).

Janie - You've freaked me out, please come in as soon as you can and let us know what's happening

Michelle - Just dropping you another cause I don't really know what else I can say

[BekZ]

I am lost for words to Willow

[Lee]

Deb - you are beautiful and inspirational, and I hope to meet you one day

[Janie]

Oh golly, i'm so sorry! We're okay, really, bad wording on my part, just trying not to stress. I will jump on in 15 minutes or so and update.

[Janie]

Hey ladies, sorry about all of that. I was feeling a bit stressed and *****ty, but couldn't read Michelle's post without replying.

So, baby is still small, which is okay. Not great, but it's probably *just* a small baby. We will go back in two weeks, have a scan and see Ob. He wants me to go back on aspirin until 36 weeks, to ensure good flow to the baby. Try really hard not to sleep on my back etc. He says he is not worried, but doesn't want to miss anything.........you know, get down the track and wish we'd monitored more closely.

He also thinks that what I had yesterday was ctx, so he's asked me to watch closely, and if it happens again to start on a script he's given me. He didn't go on too much about it, but both DH and I get the feeling he thinks I'm going to go early. Our goal for now is 32 weeks, he absolutely does not want the baby to come before then. Obviously getting to term is ideal, so we'll keep reviewing after 32 weeks.

I would love to post more, but have DH doing renos, and a boy who wants someone to play footy with, so I'd best go. Will try to pop back on later xoxo

[kellym]

Oh Janie - you had me so worried... although it's not great news, it sounds like you're being monitored really closely and I'm sure you're ob is onto it! Please make sure you try to rest up and lets help get this bub of yours to 32 weeks AT LEAST!!

Michelle - everyone has said everything that I've been thinking... so lots of big hugs for you. We're all here for you NO MATTER WHAT!!

Sorry, must go.. my darling brother has just arrived. Quickly though.. today's catch up with my friends was difficult. One of them is just 12 weeks pg and she's one of my closest friends and it was just hard. I hate it and I hate that I just didn't want her to talk about it at all... or whinge about being so sick.. I'd love to be that sick and have a healthy bub inside me. I just hate that I'm thinking all that. It's not fair and it's not her fault. She should be able to be happy about her pg and I should be able to be happy for her too and I hate it.

Will try to pop back later.. it so hard being at Mum's.. someone bloody pops their head in every five seconds! Grrr.

Kel xxx

[BekZ]

Janie - I am giving your little bubble strict orders to stay put!!!! Seriously I am glad your ob is being proactive and I have my fingers crossed that bub keeps comfy for as long as possible. Rest up hun....

Kel -

[Janie]

Thanks girls Dinner is in the oven, so I may have five minutes spare! I know it's not actually *bad* news, but I was so hoping that today would go smoothly. I am so petrified of having a prem. The small baby stuff I can deal with, we can watch that and see what happens.......although of course if growth isn't consistent, then that too could lead to having a prem . And DH immediately connects DS being small, and prem, and thinks that it means the same for this bub (fair enough). I know it's not that simple, and there's every chance things will be fine, we'll make it to 37 weeks, and have a healthy baby. The small thing worries me a little in that DS also had issues growing OUT of the womb. I really, really, really don't want to go through that worry again. Having a borderline FTT baby is sooooo stressful . I don't want history repeating itself!

I'm trying to watch these 'BHs' and see what I think. I think I can tell the difference, but it's hard to call. I don't want to be taking stuff (although it's safe), but I certainly do not want to go into labour and be saying hindsight is a wonderful thing! The way things are so far tonight I suspect I'll be getting the script filled tomorrow, but I want to wait the night out and see what happens.

Aaaargh, I'm so sorry to vent about this when others have more serious issues. I just need to get it off my chest I think, and then settle down. I've vented to DH, who understands, and told him that I know I'm more stressed than I need to be about this. But of course, he just wants to reassure me and tell me that everything will be fine, doesn't want his wife stressing Thanks for being understanding ears/eyes in here for me girls

[Willow]

Janie - you have every right to be stressed and anxious and upset. I would be too. Anything that is not 'normal' and 'text book' during prg causes us to worry (especially us ). PLEASE make sure you're getting lots of rest. We need that little bub to stay put for a lot longer yet

[JCE0810]

Janie: you had me worried too, i'm glad your OB is watching you closely it sounds like your in very safe hands. Bubs stay in for as long as possible.We are all having our own issues but we've always got time to support and be there for 1 another, never feel like your issue is insignificant to others it's a big issue for you and that's all that matters
I'm just sorry i dont have any advice for you but i have plenty of to offer

Kelly: big today must have been hard for you, what's your're thinking and feeling is only natural

Michelle: sending you some more your way

everyone

[Inanna]

Oh Janie of course you are worried.
It's a good thing that you are being closely watched. Maybe you grow smaller babies? My friend was the same & hers too were slow to gain as little babies. I know that doesn't help you but I wanted to offer some alternative.

So, keep an eye on those tightenings - try not to be too stressed. We just need to keep this one in a few more weeks yet. That's very very doable.

We are all here, holding you up...

[Inanna]

It's time for a new thread gorgeous ones. You will find it HERE...