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F*&^%$#!
It's ovarian cancer. Or at least it was. It's spread to her liver, bowel, pancreas and a heap of other stuff I can't remember right now. I haven't spoken to my mum yet but my sister just called and that's all she knows.
Not only is this extremely sad, but it scares me in the pit of my stomach given my history. I know how self centered that sounds but I can't help it.
:cry: :cry: :cry:
Willow - I am so sorry :hug: Ovarian cancer is a silent killer in many ways and is often not detected until late as in the case of your Nan (not that it will make you feel any better :() You are aware of it as a possibility now and can get regularly checked for peace of mind. It doesn't sound self centred with your history, and you have babies you will worry about too :hug:
As for your Nan - I hope she has someone who will make her comfortable and pain free :hug: Let me know if I can help at all.
Michelle - I know, that's why it scares me so much. And you know what? I knew this is what they were going to say... I remember being so terrified when they were testing me for it that I googled my brains out and I still remember all of the symptoms...my mum has been saying for two weeks she's not eating because she gets nauseous and indigestion...a light bulb went off when she told me that :(:
Ovarian cancer is a silent killer in many ways and is often not detected until late as in the case of your Nan
Rach - What an aweful fright. I remember this happening with DD2 a couple of times. I seriously was on a knifes edge afterwards.
Willow - I feel for you hun. I am so sorry for your Nan. You don't come across self centred at all. As you know my mum is a sick lady and I often hope that I don't have what she has, then I feel selfish for feeling like this. (hugs) I hope you Nan is coping and your mum
Spring - I just saw Benjamins pics on FB and he is just devine...Man I am clucky
Janie - Where are you? Are you ok? Are you on holidays and I missed it?
The thing is - you do know what signs to look for!!! And that is a good thing. You are far more aware than most woman and one step ahead when it comes to detection.
I've just spoken to my Mum and my sister misunderstood (it was a very brief phone call to my mum who was still at the hospital) - it is actually pancreatic cancer and quite aggressive. They found benign cysts on her ovaries but it is not ovarian cancer.
Best news is that they have given her the option for treatment. She has decided to start chemo next week. With treatment they estimate she has 6-12 months. Without treatment, probably only 3-6. They will do more tests after the first round of chemo to see how effective the treatment is and then depending on those results, she can have a further 2 rounds. It is better than I'd expected so I am pleased.
I have had a good gut wrenching, cleansing sob this afternoon and am feeling better. My little man L found me crying and sat on my lap and rubbed my back saying 's'ok mummy, s'ok'.
I hope that your nan can choose the treatment or otherwise that's best for her & that she has kind and compassionate carers on her journey.
Big big cuddles Willow :hug:
Willow - sending you big :hug: hun.
Thanks girls :hug:
Deb - For the time being my Mum and 4 aunties will care for her at home. What happens on the journey ahead we'll have to wait and see. Mum is going home for a week tonight, she's been in Sydney since Christmas but will be back next week.
Sounds like it has been the day for the little people comforting mummy :redface:
Willow - a plan is good. Still here if you need anything :hug:
Apologies here girls, it has been a rough week or three so I haven't been very good on personals :(
DS was sleeping poorly (again) although he has now improved.
DD is having a shocker. Not sleeping, STILL teething, and now has a fever of 39 with bulging eardrums and a red throat :doh: It is only viral but OMG she is a clingy, unhappy little monkey.
Mummy didn't help by working 5 out of the last 6 days so she won't let me out of her sight or my nipple out of her mouth.
AND my morning (all day) sickness has just peaked again when it had eased off. Food is not my friend and it is hard to sort things for the little ones too. So a tired, incredibly nauseous and fatigued mummy is not coping very well ATM. It is times like this I miss having family close for an hours respite to nap.
To top it off I got hit in the face with a (thankfully small) can of chick peas in the supermarket today and have a nice shiner with a little cut just under my right eye!! DS was distressed because mummy was crying and there was blood - he wanted to get mummy a "handaid" for her blood (bandaid ;)) sweet little man he is. An emotional, overtired, pregnant woman getting injured in a supermarket and only one lovely lady checking I was ok as I sobbed was just too much.
And just before bed DD vomited - everywhere. And I nearly did too. Poor DH had to deal with it while I stopped retching :redface: I am shocking at the moment. I just can't do it.
So from a very sooky la la me - I am sorry I haven't acknowledged many posts lately. I will be back soon and I am sending prayers to the sleep fairies for a few consecutive hours sleep because the hourly wake ups are killing me quicker than I thought they would.
On a positive - I had a midwives appointment on Monday and we are going to try to fit me in to the midwifery group practice for continuity of care in collaboration with the high risk doctor and then slot me into the "comfy room" (they have 3) in the delivery suite - the closest equivalent to a birth centre that I will get with my history. I may get a waterbirth yet :dance:
BBL :grouphug:
It sounds like a lot of us are having a rough time at the moment. Big big :hug: all round.
kelly - glad to hear all is well, even though you are not as far along as you thought. As you said, this always happens so is nothing to worry about! Have a great time in Perth with your family sweetie.
Michelle - you sound like you really are having a shocking time of it! I hope the sleep fairies visit you tonight in a big way! I got up to DD about 20 times last night and pretty much gave up on sleep altogether so i can feel your pain. I hope DD gets better soon. And yay on getting into the comfy room - sounds like this birth will be a very special one :)
Willow - big :hug: sweetie. I am glad that your nan has been given a choice and that there is treatment she can have, but I know this must be so hard for you and your family. It sounds like she is very lucky to have such a supportive family around to care for her.
bek - how are you going?
Spring - LOVE the pics of your little man, what a cutie!
Lee - I agree, sometimes OBs just seem too relaxed or else don't check your history. I pointed out to mine that I was hospitalised with high BP around this time with DD and I thought going 2 weeks without an appointment at this stage wasn't a good idea so he said to just pop in this week and get a midwife to check my BP rather than schedule an actual appointment. I am going in tomorrow to get it checked out and then have my next OB appointment next week, so hopefully if there is a problem it will be picked up in time. You are right - it can happen so quickly and it was the same with me last time so better to be safe than sorry!
Freya - big :hug: sweetie, it sounds like you have way too much to deal with at the moment.
mako - how are you sweetie?
Rach - good to hear from you. You must have been so terrified when Evangeline's alarm went off, I can only imagine the panic you must have felt. Lee, same for you when Flynn's alarm went off, sooo terrifying. Glad your little ones are fine despite the heart attack that must have given you!
I don't have much more news from last time I posted. Still huge and fed up and wanting this baby to come out now. His head is down so low I feel like he is half way out sometimes! And the BHs are so so painful. Not sure what to do with DD tomorrow to keep her entertained either.
Hi to everyone else :)
Michelle Praying the sleep fairies visit your house tonight and stay for a few nights so you can catch up on some much needed rest. Oh and OUCH on the shiner. Hope its a little better in the morning :hug:
Rach OMG hun naughty Evangeline for doing that to you :shakehead: Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and thanks for driving past my place while we were away ;)
Willow Sending you a massive :hug: hun. I hope your Nan is a comfortable as she possibly can be. Sounds like she has a great support network around to help care for her at home. Remember where I am if you need to chat too :hug: Oh and I've been meaning to let you know the flowers you sent me lasted nearly 2 weeks. I took them away with me as I couldn't bare to leave them at home without getting fresh water :)
Kelly I meant to say earlier YAY on your appt yesterday. A good strong heartbeat is wonderful. Enjoy your time back in Perth.
Jayne How is your BIL doing? Your girls are just too cute wanting to stay home watching DVD's instead of shopping. I'm sure that'll change in years to come lol.
Deb How are you going? Any news on the potential move?
Hi to everyone. Hope you're all doing ok.
Oh Michelle you poor honey. :hug: Bloody chick peas I knew vegetarianisim was bad for you! :lol:
I hope you get some sleep - I am sorry things have been so hard. :hug:
I haven't got my phone as Miss Immy very kindly flung it from the trolley on Christmas Eve - I gave it to her in an attempt to extend her "use by date"... :cry: So, thankfully it's insured but until they either repair it or send me a new one I have an old phone DD14 was using before she had it confiscated (we won't even begin to go there...:wall:). So, I have no numbers in it - and I can't text very efficiently without the iphone touch screen... So, no messages from me. But I am thinking of you. :hug:
Willow it sounds like you have a loving family to support your Nan. :hug:
Bun I hope your baby comes soon - just remember this too shall pass. This pregnancy will sooon be over and you will be holding your little boy in your arms.
Spring: You are in my thoughts constantly. I hope little Ben is doing well :hug:
Good thing I had steak for dinner Inanna :rofl: The chick peas were out to get me - so much for trying to be healthy and stick to low GI :lol: It will pass. Just a difficult few weeks and missing support. I think I will skip work tomorrow and take her to the doctors. Not for the viral part but the last 2 fevers resulted in vomit and I want to check it isn't a UTI. That's 2 fevers in the past 2 weeks.
Mako - good to see you :hug:
Another rough trot here... woke up this morning with one eye swollen shut. Severe allergic conjunctivitis, I'm told. It's more than likely so bad because I got off prednisone a couple of months ago after being on it for a very long time. Ironically, I'm being treated with prednisone and had my first 25mg dose this morning... and I already hate myself! I'm grumpy, aggressive and do not cope at all well if Sam decides to be uncooperative. I feel like I'm fat and bloated again already and I could swear I've already gone straight back to the hated moonface look that I'd only just lost! :( I'm not doing the full 3-4 days at 25mg - I'm going to taper the dose as of tomorrow.
And just to make things really good - I now have a twitch in the eyelid of that eye! My vision was blurry even though we'd got the eye open, now it's just impossible!
Hopefully after we've all had a good grumble we'll start to feel better. Sending hugs to all that need them - can't sit at the computer any longer with the state of my eye.
BW
Sending lots of :hug: to those who need them
BW: hope your eye is ok
AFM: not much happening, DD is becoming more aware of what she's doing in her nappy, so we'll hopefully make a start with TT in a few weeks. DD is 2 in 19 days so looking forward to that, she is growing up way too fast.
Michelle - OMG.. attack of the chick peas!! You poor thing, hope the shiner isn't too bad and praying you start getting some sleep!
Bonham - Wow.. I'm so jealous that DD is nearly ready for some toilet training... we're not having any luck at all over here.. DS will be 3 in May and is soooo not interested.. he's happy to sit in his dirty nappy all day.. it's disgusting and driving me MAD!!
BW - Big hugs hun.. sounds like you need lots of them!
Deb - Hope the new year has been kind to you so far. Hugs.
Mako - How are you doing hun? You haven't really said much about it all. Hope you're ok and know that we're here for you.. whenever you're ready to let it all out!
Bun - Hope you're hanging in there.. not long now, although I'm sure it feels like forever!
Willow - More hugs. Sounds like you have a wonderful family supporting your Nan.
Big hello to everyone else.
AFM - I'm so up and down at the moment. Felt pretty good yesterday and was very proud of myself being all positive and telling myself it's all going to be ok time.. this bub is going to stick and grow nice and healthly... and now, today, I'm feeling all deflated again and scared that it's going to fall apart. I just wish there was more I could do.. I'd do anything to make this one stick... as we all would. It's just really frustrating.. not knowing. Only have to get through the next 8 days now so I just have to keep busy.. and only 3 days till we fly to Perth.. so that will help!!
DS was soooo naughty yesterday so I'm praying for a better day today. Had some removalists in this morning to help me move some furniture around the house.. as we still don't really know many people in Melb.. we had noone to help us move stuff... very frustrating to have to waste money but at least its all done and I just have to sort all the bits and pieces out now.. can't wait to have the house in order... finally!
Hope everyone is well. Like a few of us.. I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps, which sucks coz I should be jumping with joy.. damn first trimester crap!
Kel xxx
Kelly - dont feel bad about DS, mine is nearly 3.5 and still not potty trained in any way shape or form. We've had to can preschool this year even though he really needs to go because he just wont train. Its driving me batty, bloody lazy boys lol
Hi guys
just coming up for some air. B is settling in perfectly. O is just such a good big brother, he is being really quite helpful. He is very over excited though so hopefully he calms in the next few days.
I've had my first feed non stop moment. B fed from 4pm until 11.30pm last night pretty much non stop. Result is that I have plenty of milk today but it was a tiring night. As soon as he came off he'd scream and the only way to fix it was to reattach. I know he is just trying to stimulate my supply so I'm not worried.
Sorry for the lack of personals, I haven't even had a chance to read through the pages of posts. Just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm back (well sort of).
Freya: Hun, would you be able to recommend a good bf friendly GP in T'ville? I was just wondering who you used for your boys?
Thanks to everyone for the congrats. When I've got a moment I'll update my ticker.
Lv Spring xx
ETA: Willow: Huge hugs babe :comfort: I just read about your Nan. I'm so sorry your family are going through this babe.
Welcome back Spring - I am so happy that B is settling in so well. Big cuddles xxx
So glad B has settled into your family nicely Spring, he is so beautiful, well done :)
I never really had a regular GP as we hardly had to use one up there and if I had any feeding concerns or general health queries I just asked my midwife. Whereabouts are you living? I could ask my midwife if she knows of any bf friendly ones.
Michelle - wow what a rough time. Please look after yourself
Kell - Hugs I this journey is so hard
BW - Get better soon ok.
Freya - I bet all works out in and falls into place as it should. Stay strong and true to your dreams..very hard to do I know, but you've got the ability
I am at my wits end with Eva's lack of sleep. It takes me hours during the day to get her to have just one sleep, then she is waking 2 hourly at night. Feeding at night used to be nice and calm but now she is pulling, tugging moving and wide awake!!!! I am freakin exhausted..I am trying to watch for sleep ques but I am getting it wrong. She'll rest whilst feeding for 20 mins here and there but is fully alert the minute I put her down. I am over it...ok rant over
Kelly I wish I could make the 1st tri go faster for you. Try not to worry about L not being toilet trained yet. Sage isn't too interested either so I'm not forcing him. I'm sure they'll get it when they are ready and yes some boys can be lazy when it comes to this :hug:
Bek Sending you a :hug: too. I hope E starts sleeping a bit better for you soon.
Freya How are you doing? Know we are all here if you need to talk.
Spring Welcome back hun. The pics of B are just adorable.
Bun How are you doing today? I've been thinking of you and wanted to say if you feel you need to see your Ob more often then make sure he accomadates you. Can't wait to see your BA. Do you have anyone lined up to do your announcement?
Michelle Thanks for the chat last night on FB. You really gave me some things to think about. Did the sleep fairies visit you last night?
Willow How are you? I've been thinking about you and your Nan :hug:
Rach It was lovely to see you today. Sorry I didn't chat much but I felt like I was going to cry (like I did when I started to talk :redface: )and didn't want to do that there.
Sorry for not really talking much about me. I just have no idea where to start. I have posted a bit about what happened in the "Stories of Loss" thread on here.
Sage and I went to a friends baby shower this morning. I wasn't going to go but ended up making myself go and am pleased I did. It was very hard and like I said to Rach I felt like I wanted to cry the whole time. Seeing a pregnant women was hard(of course its not her fault) and seeing 2 little bubs was lovely but hard too(not their fault either). Just got me wondering if I'll ever get to be preg again or get to cuddle and smell my own newborn again or if Sage was my only chance. Not too sure how I'd cope if that was the way things are meant to be :(
I rang my Ob again this morning and they said they'll call me by Friday with an appt time. I have an appt to see my GP next Monday afternoon too.
Mako - Hugs. What you did by going to the baby shower is very brave, your a strong woman. I felt very similar after my miscarriages and I used to look at Sara and think how lucky I was just to have her and she was my main reason for staying sane. But I still needed to have another baby if that makes sense. My days/nights would be filled with questions about why my body wasn't working etc. In the end I gave in to thinking and just trusted that if I could do it once I could do it again. I really don't know why I just typed all that, but I felt I needed to.
Thanks for the hug. I am considering sleep school for this little one.
Thanks Bek for posting that. I'm still wanting to have another bub but just don't know how DH and I'll cope if I m/c again. He told me earlier last year that he'd only let me go through 2 more m/c's and now I've "used" 1 of those I'm quietly freaking out. I did tell him while we were away that I want to try again until we get another sticky bub and he just gave me "the look". He also said yeah ok but I do have that number in the back of my mind too.
As for sleep school. As you know I went with Sage and Willow went with L. It was the hardest week of my life with Sage but now I look back I'm so pleased we went. Its so not easy but having a bub who doesn't sleep isn't either.Just know that I'll be here to support you in whatever you decide to do :hug:
Bek - Ditto to what Mako said. Sleep school was really rough but I have no regrets about going (well except that we had to go at all). We just could not continue as a family on the lack of sleep and the level of stress it was causing. I truly, TRULY know what it's like so I'm sending you the biggest hug ever and praying that she will start sleeping for you soon. Sounds like you're doing it really rough hun :hug:
Michelle - You poor thing!! If I didn't have my hands so full I'd come down and give you a break. Not such a 'break' with my three rascals in tow though! What about your best friend (so sorry, I can't remember her name...and probably wouldn't post it anyway come to think of it! :redface:) - is she able to help you out? Is the nanny still around?? I hope DD is feeling better and sleeping better for you soon. It's such hard work when you're prg and they're not well. Hope the eye's better soon too! You poor thing :hug:
Spring - Glad to hear B is settling in well and that O is enjoying being a big brother!
Mako - :hug: I also had to go to a baby shower the week after our m/c. It was haaard. But it was a very close friend and I felt like I'd be letting her down and would regret it later if I didn't go. You're a good friend. I'm so glad the flowers lasted that long! You are so sweet taking them away with you LOL. I knew you were leaving the next day but I sent them anyway, I had to do something. :hug: As for ttc again...I have a little game plan I want to talk to you about when you're ready for that sort of talk.
AFU - I have put myself on a shopping ban...I have spent sooooo much money the last few weeks it's not funny. Went out today and came home with bags of stuff :redface: Wasn't my fault, it was all on sale and I couldnt' leave it there! :rofl:
Also have to get on top of organising D's christening, it's in 4 weeks and the time has crept up on me. I'm hoping my Nan will be well enough to come :pray:
Better go, DH has made dinner early tonight because he's going out so we're feeding and bathing the kids early.
BBL
WILLOW _ How exciting!!! What did you buy on your spree today? I got the swimmers for Jess a few months back now & put them away for Christmas, but I will have a look next time I'm there to see if they have anymore & I can post them over to you if so? What size is Miss V? Jessica is in the size 5's (I'm assuming they would be the same?).
MAKO _ I'm not sure what to say about DH, I'm sure he just hates seeing the grief that you (& all of us), go through with a loss, but he did say 'ok', so just don't let him forget it. How was your Christmas? All things considered?
BEK _ Oh no, what's happening with Eva hun? She isn't sleeping for you? Is it just a rough spot or she just doesn't get the hang of it? I hope you can get into the sleep school, sounds like it's worth it.
SPRING _ Woot woo for big boobie day! Yay for you! Ben is a clever little guy already knowing what he had to do to make sure you have enough milk. You sound utterly blissed out which is exactly how I hoped you would! You mentioned about a rough start, what happened?
MICHELLE _ How is Greg after his debrief? I have been thinking of him a lot. How is the Miss Lily today? & how of course are you going? You're the glue of the family at the moment & I hope you're going ok.
BW _ Hope your gunky eye heals up quickly, that must be awful. xx
FREYA _ Love, love, love the new do! Love it! Suits you I reckon.
KELLY _ Stay positive darl! For your own sanity as well. Luke may have been ultra naughty cos he knew that something was going on with you? They are good with picking up vibes. I hope he smartens up really soon for you.
Big hellos' to everybody & anybody I have missed.
Love Jayne xx
Not bad today. Had to take the day off work for my febrile, sleepy little monkey and visit the doctor. The nanny came and kept the boy occupied so the girl and I could go out and get a few things done. I even snuck a snooze on the lounge this morning while DD slept for 2 hours and DS watched a DVD.
Willow - thank you :hug: It is the new nanny so good but not as available as the old one was ;) My friend is working lots so she is out at the moment too. I have her lined up so DH and I can go out for a show in a week.
Jayne - DH is doing ok. The debrief is a waste of time in his eyes - he thinks they would all be better off having a closed drinks session, which is probably true but ........ He will be ok. Just one of those days.
BBL - grumpy toddler and trying to catch a wee from the girl. Could be here for hours :rolleyes:
MICHELLE _ How did the wee catching go?
The floor caught wee - I'm still waiting :rofl: We will have another nude day :rolleyes: - her that is, not me. That would be scary :o
Sorry... selfish post... we've just been to the pool... which was great fun.. but Luke had a really nasty fall.. he fell straight back onto the concrete and I'm a bit worried. He got himself so worked up that he vomited and I kept him awake for about an hour but then he crashed in the car and is in such a deep sleep now. When do I need to get worried?? I think he's ok. After he calmed down, he was almost his normal self again and was eating.. so I guess thats a good sign. And after having such a great time at the pool, he's bound to be tired and have a good sleep. Just wish I could relax and have a sleep too... I'm sooo tired.
OK.. sorry, just needed to get that out. I hope he's ok.
Kel xxx
Kel - go and sleep with him. You get a rest and you get to be close to *watch* him too. Watch him for more than 2 vomits and behaviour that isn't usual for him. If you are worried, get him checked :hug:
Thanks so much Michelle... I can't believe I didn't think to have a sleep with him... stupid!! Might sneak in there now. He's having a good sleep but he seems to be ok. He only vomited once, and I think it was because he was so worked up. I'll keep a close eye on him and see how he is when he wakes up. Not much fun but I'm sure he'll be ok. I've calmed down a bit now. Thanks again!
Kel xxx
Typical... snuck in to have a little nap with him and he woke up! Good news is he's totally fine... bad news is I was so worried I didn't have a rest and now I'm exhausted!!! Damn it. We have a friend in Melbourne today that's been living in the UK.. will be great to see her again, so probably won't get back in till tomorrow. Hope everyone is well and hope you managed to catch the wee Michelle!!
Kel xxxx
KEL _ Typical! It's always the way isn't it? But at least Luke is fine & you can now stop worrying. I forgot to tell you, just let me know what dates you have free when you're in WA & I'll fit in with you, perhaps we could meet up in Fremantle or something if it's not too hot, or I'll come to you??
Sounds great Jayne! I can't believe we're flying over tomorrow!!! Soooo excited.. although feeling a bit crappy this morning.. had another damn migraine last night... but it wasn't a bad one so hopefully I've slept it off!! A catch up in Freo sounds perfect.. looks like I'm free Wednesday.. or maybe Thursday morning before my scan.. which is at 12.15 at Murdoch!! Scary. Or the following week I'm sure I've got quite a few days free!! Will be great to see you.
Well.. better get moving.. I'm off to meet Janie at the shops... woohoo!!
Kel xx
Jealous - on both counts ;) Fly safe :hug:
Travel safe Kel and I'm pleased Luke is ok after his fall yesterday. How scary for you :hug:
Michelle How did the wee catching mission go? I hope Lily is feeling better today.
Ok just a quick one from me but I've been thinking we need a catch up. So Sydney girls and Rach ;) how does Monday the 25th January sound for anyone who's interested? Just thought it might be nice to spend a few hours with you and let the little ones play together too :)
Oh i'd love to come to the Sydney meet up, (if i'm welcome of course).
DD birthday is Jan 24th and family are coming to Cowra for it so i could get a ride to Sydney with them but getting back to Cowra would be my only problem, as i dont drive, HMM need to do some thinking. Where in Sydney would the meet-up be?
AFM: i'm just being quiet everyone in here seems busy. I've been using Fertility Friend and have been making notes but havent been taking my temperature because i havent got the right thermometer but i'm getting one. I got AF on Dec 11th last month so just waiting for AF to show up this month.
Hope everyone is well.
Joanne of course you're welcome to come along as is everyone else if you're all willing to travel ;)
Good luck with ttc. Hoping like mad you get your much wanted BFP very soon :goodluck:
Willow I meant to say earlier that I'm all ears for whatever advice you have for me. I'm wanting to be preg again asap but am quietly sh***ing myself that it'll all turn to crap again :(
Rach I also wanted to say Sorry about my earlier post about the baby shower. I hope I didn't offend you in any way shape or form. If I did I'm so so so sorry :hug:
I've been flat out the last couple of days. Trying to get this house in some sort of order as we have a friend of DH's coming to stay the night tonight. Its amazing how motivated DH can be when its a friend of his coming here lol. We now have a functional dining room and table :dance: and all our excess stuff is now stored in the roof and other stuff just got chucked out. Its only taken 2 and a bit years lol. Oh and we finally have a T.V that works properly. Sage's god parents gave us their 42inch plasma that they don't want anymore cos they bought a 50inch :o I felt awful about borrowing it so wouldn't let DH set it up lol but then they came around the other day and said they don't want it back so now its up and working.