Hi girls,

Thanks for the birthday wishes... had an alright sort of day, nothing special, but did take Remy to playgroup for the first time, and she loved it - think there might be some nice mums too.

Spring - sorry your little man has balls issues, hope they are overcome without too much to deal with xoxo And, honestly, please don't feel bad - we are all here for each other, and need to be able to share whatever is going on..... that phonecall I had came at 9.15pm at night, my DH's boss, to say DH's helicopter was "unaccounted for", never forgot those words, and my reaction was to scream down the phone at him "WTF does THAT MEAN??" - I was home alone with a 2 and 4 year old, no sleep that night.......... and the whole next day as they searched for the helicopter in remote NT Arnhemland. Millions of phonecalls that day to family, searchers, police etc...... then about 2pm I had a call saying they had found the helicopter crashed, there were some survivors, and some dead, they couldn't tell me if DH was dead or alive at that point. I just had to sit there and wait for the next phonecall. I couldn't even describe to anybody how I was feeling at this point, it surely wasn't human. Then before the phone could ring again, I saw a police car pull up outside my home. I knew they wouldn't give me the worst news over the phone, so I had my answer. DH was gone. It was so horrible, and a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy honestly. Hope you don't mind me sharing, but don't go there very often........ so I do understand what a difference one phone call can make in your life.

As for my other troubles - to be honest, I'm not quite sure - maybe it's accumulated grief, coupled with feeling so stretched with 4 kiddies atm......... but I know I've never felt so overwhelmed as I can get of late.... my DH's mum is coming from Rome on 14 March to stay for 6 weeks. She is really nice, and a great cook - so I'm hoping this time will give me a much needed helping hand, and hope to settle my moods and sadness. I really don't like feeling like this, but don't know how to shake it??? Open to suggestions!

Janie - sorry to hijack your special time - I really hope tomorrow goes well, and that your bub comes out healthy and fighting fit, I'm sure you are in brilliant hands. Take good care xoxo

Hi to the rest of you, hugs.

Lee xoxo