Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February/March 2010

Janie :happyforyou: I am overjoyed to hear of the safe arrival of you little boy Daniel. I hope he contiues to grow stronger by the day. How exciting, both our boys are close in age as are we! I am so happy for you hun!

OMG congrats Janie, what wonderful news!! Tears here too. I hope you are going well and that Daniel is out of SCN as soon as possible. I am sending all my best wishes to you and your darling new boy sweetie.

Will be back tomorrow for persies, have slow internet now and have no patience as on my own with the kiddies tonight!

Sounds like the night for it Bun :rolleyes:

Janie - CONTRAGULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Little Daniel must be a tiny gorgeous man! I, too, hope he continues to grow strong and you get to take him home before too long, hope you are recovering yourself okay, and it wasn't all too overwhelming, take care, hugs xoxoxo

Thanks gorgeous girls for your encouraging words, have had a bit of a shocker of a day, ended up very ill, both ends, feel a bit better tonight - looks like the big fat ugly grief monster has struck again, and I'm purging - I know from experience, I'll come good again, I guess there's no way of avoiding the strikes?? Great day for my DH to be away too, sigh sigh. Janie's news certainly has brighted me up, hope to see some piccies soon! I'm trying to find the answers I need in Flynn's sweet face. Deb and Lisa, am thinking about your words, they really help. As most of us already know, your grief never truly goes - I have moments when it all seems so fresh and new, and to loose a DH was to loose an entire way of life, still struggle with that on a daily basis.

Love to all, Lee xo

Congtrates Janie on the arrival of Daniel. I hope you are both ok and doing well

Congrats Janie and welcome to little Daniel! Enjoy your new little man and hope he is out of SCN and home really soon :) Well done!

Big big big squishy heartfelt cuddles Lee.... :hug:

So, so, so happy and relieved to hear little Daniel has arrived and is doing well :leap:

I admit that the idea of a 3lb baby kinda freaks me out a bit having had such big boys myself, he must be soooo tiny and sooo delicate, I think I'll cry when I see a pic of the little fella.

Janie - Congratulations my beautiful friend. I can't wait to hear from you about your special day :hug: :hug: Rest up, I hope you have a brilliant recovery from the c/s and can spend as much time as possible with your beautiful boy.

Baby Daniel - Grow strong little man, your mummy, daddy and big brother can't wait to take you home :hug:

Lee - I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going though but want to send you this :comfort: I hope you are feeling better, tomorrow is a new day :hug:

Congratulations Janie and welcome to the world Daniel!

Lee - I hope you are ok soon :hug:

Congratulations Janie and family on the arrival of your gorgeous little boy Daniel :bluecheer::bluecheer: I wish you a speedy recovery and hope Daniel is out of SCN as soon as he can be. I'm so happy for you hun :dance:

Lee I don't have the right words hun so I'm just going to send you a :comfort: and wish I could take away your pain :hug:

Thank you, all of you wonderful women! Sorry you all had to wait, Daniel was born an hour later than expected (surprise surprise lol), and you all know what it's like afterwards. OMG, i so didn't mean the ba to be a race! :lol: I just figured that the three of you are all busy women, and that way would ensure someone doing it fairly quickly lol. We are so so proud of our little guy, he is amazing. And he looks sooo much like his big brother! I watched him being born via a mirror, and i got to be the one to announce that he is a boy! Very happy about that :). I'll try to do updates in his ba thread as well, so i'll try not to repeat myself, so as to save time lol. So so ecstatic though, just missing my teeny boy, cannot wait to get into scn this morning for our cuddles!

Janie - I'm so thrilled for you guys... and love the name too!! I was thinking about you all day and praying that everything was going to be ok. What a little fighter you've there.. I'm so proud of him and can't wait to come and see you guys. I'll give you a little bit of time to adjust and for the family and close friends to come in though. But if the visitors are a bit scarse (as we spoke about the other day).. just send me a message and I'll come straight down!!! So exciting.

I've had more tears too.. I was talking to Luke this morning about N getting a little brother and that you had the baby and he straight away said "I want a little baby too.. maybe a sister.. out of Mummy's tummy"... broke my heart... but it's so sweet at the same time and we are so, so happy for you!!!

Kel xxx

Janie - I can't believe you're posting you nutter! Enjoy your cuddles :hug:

Kelly - :( I'm so sorry, that must have been very hard. I hope Luke has his little brother or sister very, very soon :hug:

Great to hear from you again Janie, and you sound in such good spirits too! Can't wait to see pics of your gorgeous little man, but like Willow said, he must be so small! I am sending all my best thoughts for him to be out of the SCN asap and snuggled up with his gorgeous mummy :)

Lee - I just wanted to reply to your post. You have been through so much hun, I am not surprised that the grief rears its head sometimes. Like Laney said, you have been through the two worst things that can happen to a woman and I think you are amazingly strong to have gotten through it. Reading your post about when the police car appeared at your house made me cry I felt for you so much, I can only imagine that pain. I hope it helps 'talking' to us in here hun and I hope you are feeling better soon :hug:

Spring - sorry to hear about DS' balls issue, that is the last thing you need!

Deb - gees, what a scare, you poor thing! I hope the gash heals up soon, sounds nasty.

kelly - big :hug: hun. You sound a lot like me after my second loss, I just couldn't get my 'old' self back. Maybe like Willow said, some counselling would be a good idea. I didn't want to but ended up seeing a counsellor and it really helped. I ended up seeing her until 20 weeks into DD's pregnancy as I was so paranoid about something going wrong and it was really helpful.

Thank you so much for your reassuring posts re DS, I just can't help but worry sometimes and I am sure DD was doing these things a lot earlier. I often feel like a bad mum because I can't spend as much time with him as I did with DD when she was little and I feel that maybe that is why he isn't doing certain things yet. He seems like a happy little guy though and he is soooo easy compared to his big sis so hopefully he will get there with his milestones.

DD really is doing my head in atm. Her sleep has become atrocious and I have no idea what to do anymore. We always get up to her once or twice a night but lately it is more like 5 or 6 times a night and now she is just making up reasons for getting us up (last night it was to move her teddy bear that she insisted on having in the cot with her because in was in her way!). DH and I have had it. The only thing left to do is just leave her to cry herself to sleep. We ended up doing that last night because I just had no energy left, and this morning she was no worse for wear. I hate it though because what if she really needs me? What if something really is wrong? I hate this, I feel so bad and so tired all the time and I am all out of ideas.

Janie - So glad to hear from you. I'm with Willow..you nutta (in the nicest possible way). I bet your bubba is just so cute.

Kelly - Hugs hun, it is hard when your little ones are so honest isn't it?

For Bun - I tried to quote but it didn't work

I often feel like a bad mum because I can't spend as much time with him as I did with DD when she was little and I feel that maybe that is why he isn't doing certain things yet. He seems like a happy little guy though and he is soooo easy compared to his big sis so hopefully he will get there with his milestones. Yep we've all been there. But guess what he has the benefit of a big sister who is also spending time with him. I also used to feel guilty because DD1 wasn't get enough attention too, but then I realised that she was learning important skills like entertaining herself and learning to share.

The only thing left to do is just leave her to cry herself to sleep. We ended up doing that last night because I just had no energy left, and this morning she was no worse for wear. I hate it though because what if she really needs me? What if something really is wrong? I hate this, I feel so bad and so tired all the time and I am all out of ideas We had to do this with Loren and it worked!!! Her sleep improved big time once we started ignoring her every single time.

Bun you are doing an amazing job

Bun: O went through a similar stage when he wanted his blanket on then off, then a drink if water then a cuddle. I just got fed up so told him once he was tucked in that I would be back in to check on him later and that if he whinged I'd get cross. He fussed a little bit but it stopped ths shamozzel (sp) at bedtime. Sometimes I also give him a torch to take to bed. He loves pointing it at the ceiling and it distracts him and before you know it he is asleep.

Janie: love reading your posts. Did you know you were having a boy? I though you found out.

Kelly: hugs :comfort:

Well I'm so happy to report B's balls are ok. A bit of fluid that will resolve with time. Phew!!! BBL for more personals.

K xx

Sorry just another quick one from me again today to let Michelle know that I'm thinking of her and Omar at their scan today :hug:

Janie WOOHOO again :)

I'm sorry for no more personals..just very tired and busy here. Will try and pop back on tonight and catch up on all the posts.

Congratulations Janie :)

All the best Michelle and Omar

Was hoping for some news on Michelle's scan today. Thinking of you!

Bun - I feel your pain hun.. DS is starting to play up at bed time too.. I can't get him down for a day sleep at all now and at night he's started fussing HEAPS. We've had to let him cry himself to sleep a couple of times and it's just awful but they do get the message!! Hang in there and use us to vent as much as you like. DS is being a right little monster atm too.. so many tantrums and I feel like all I do all day long is yell at him. Doesn't help that I'm not feeling like myself anyway. I feel terrible.

Spring - OMG.. DS is doing exactly what you described atm.. he goes to bed well but then wants a story, which we've always done and that's fine, then he wants a song, ok, that's fine too, we like to sing songs, then he wants more milk or water, then he wants the blanket, then he wants another story, then another song, then more teddies, then another story, and it goes on and on and on. Sooooo frustrating. We've had to start letting him cry and scream out too. I just try and go back in there without talking to him and tuck him back in with a bit of a 'shhhh'. I just try to ignore all the 'requests'. Hopefully he'll get the message soon enough.

Kel xx

Just stalking for Michelle...BBL.

Stalking also .... Hope all is well M

Massive congratulations on the teeny tiny arrival of Daniel. I'm so thrilled he is safe & sound & he is doing so well! Can't wait to hear more updates & of course pictures when appropriate.

My girl's 3rd birthday today, so exciting & so happy for her. Have had a very busy day & have LOTS of new things to unpack & learn how to use!

Love Jayne xx

Jayne, how is it possible that 3 years have passed since the day C was born??? I remember it so well, twas so exciting :) And i remember seeing your photos and thinking how amazing you looked, especially for someone who had just given birth! Happy Birthday to your beautiful princess, and happy birthday day to you, you gorgeous woman :D

AFU, doing really well. D is amazing, he is such a beautiful little doll, and somebody slipped him all the right SCN books lol. Just been to see him, and as expected he is starting to look yellow, so i'm sure he'll be having some treatment for that today. But that's totally expected and normal. He is down to 1400g, but is still tolerating his feeds really well. Everytime i look at that ebm going down his tube i feel so emotional. I don't think even i have fully wrapped my head around what an amazing gift it is. How do you ever repay someone who has given your child something so wonderful?? D is also getting my colostrum, and i'm hoping my milk comes in soon. He is seriously doing so well, that all we really need to do is fatten him up lol. Will be a bit of a road though, and we're prepared for that!

Sorry for all the posts ladies, feel free to tidy them up mods ;). Michelle, you have been in my thoughts, i am praying your scan went well. I'm so sorry i didn't send you another good luck msg, but please know that i'm thinking of you my friend :hug:

Janie, I am so glad that your little guy is doing well. How are you recovering after the c-section?

Michelle, I have been thinking of you. how did your scan go?

Janie - so glad to hear all is going well... can't wait to come for a visit, will call you soon.

Michelle - Was hoping for some news on your scan.. you're making me worry.

AFM - have started using OPK's for the first time so will see how that goes. I'm fairly sure that O day will be when DH is away next week so still very frustrated about that but hoping that somehow it happens the day before he goes!! Other than that, nothing new. Just getting the house back in order after our visitors and in preparation for my Mum coming over on Monday.. I can't wait.

Kel xx

Hi guys!! Sorry for the delay. Scan was good. A few bits will be checked at the next scan due to position issues but all is ok. Left for the IL's for the weekend so I didn't get to post.

Having serious parenting doubts ATM and overwhelmed by it all. Just missing some additional support and I feel like if I complain too much the discussion for family size will cease :( Think I need to read a book on raising boys for some tactics - and Pinky's toddler book came with me too ;)

Janie - so pleased things are going well.

BBL :grouphug:

Michelle, i have no doubt that you are doing a brilliant job :hug: But doing some reading may help you to feel better, i know it helps me at times. Look after yourself, and have faith - you are a brilliant mummy :D

Janie - you amaze me woman, still finding time to post and support others! So glad D is doing well and yes its amazing that he is able to have EBM, the little boy needs the best start no matter where it comes from. I took Fenugreek to help my milk come in and keep my supply up with DD - just a thought. How are you doing after c/s?? Sending you lots of :hug: and fatty baby vibes to D.

Michelle - glad the scan went well, and im sure its normal to question parenting abilities when you are expecting another bub and DS is probably at that very tricky age, but some good books, deep breaths and fresh air will do you wonders :hug:

Big hello to everyone else, my PC is sooo slow this morning its driving me mad - im off to pick up new baby seat and some bits and bobs and will BBL to catch up with everyone else.

Lis xx

JANIE _ I can't donate any EBM for baby Daniel, but I'm happy to donate some fat??? :rofl:
This morning I woke at 7am & remembered sitting on the edge of my hospital bed exactly 3 years previously - to the minute & leaning right over Curly's little cot with my ear against her face to listen to her breathing as she had been sleeping for 7 continunous hours at that stage! :o Her first night she slept from midnight til 8am. Sorry, sorry, sorry to all the sleepless mummies, but I remember sitting on the edge of my bed feeling very undecided on if I wake her or let her continue sleeping. ;)

Michelle - so glad everything is ok and totally understand how you're feeling... I'm feeling a bit the same and I only have one of them to worry about (and no work)... we had a very bad day/night with DS yesterday and it really does make you question your parenting abilities... what if I'm doing it all wrong.. blah blah... so frustrating and confusing. Hope you get some more advice from the books.. let me know if you do.. I'm a a loss right now!!

Janie - You're incredible and I'm so proud of little Daniel!

Jayne - You crack me up.. I've missed you in here!! What a beautiful way to wake up this morning.. such a precious memory that you'll aways have!!

Lisa - OMG hun.. look at your ticker now!! Not long to go!! Any news on bubs position?? Hope he/she has turned again!

Hope everyone else is well. I just got a lovely bunch of flowers delivered to my door.. such a surprise, I can't remember the last time that happened!!! They were from my friend who just came and stayed with us.. to say thank you for having them over and taking them around... so lovely. Definately helped lift my spirits a bit. I locked myself out of the damn house AGAIN today... can't believe it. I'm so frustrated adn annoyed with myself.. what's wrong with me atm. Anyway I'm sick of whinging so might just try not to post for a bit and get myself together.. will keep reading but don't want to keep complaining and whinging.. there's too much good news for everyone to celebrate. Am actually going out tonight with some girls I met at playgroup, so might have a few drinks, I think I need them - LOL.

Kel xxx

Just wanted to drop in and tell you that one of the school mums approached me for a chat this afternoon and asked me to her place for a coffee one day :o

Just when I'd given up trying to make an effort, someone wants to be my friend :)

Probably not a big deal to most of you but this sort of thing doesn't happen to me very often at all. I don't do well in social situations :rolleyes:

BBL for a proper post but just wanted to share the brightest part of my day today.

PS Michelle - my big boy is driving me BONKERS this week too. It just dawned on me yesterday that perhaps he is missing his sister and has no one to play with :dunno:

KELLY _ Maybe you should get one of those little dummy clip thingies & attach your keys to yourself??? hehehee, I"m sorry, it's not funny, but it sooooooo is! Sorry Luke was a handful the other day - they go in stages. As sweet as Curly is, I definitely have my moments with her, but I'm happy to say my moments with Jess are now few & far betweeen, so trust me when I tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel!

WILLOW _ That's awesome that you're making a mummy/school friend. I made a spectacular school friend last year & now our kids are in different classes, but we are still seeing each other a lot & it's so much fun. We are all going to Dora Concert in May & staying overnight in the city together. I really hope you have a wonderful afternoon with your new friend!!! I'm very happy for you. I didn't know you weren't making school friends though? I don't do well in clickey click groups & we definitely have a few of them, so I don't have heaps of school friends either.

It's sooooooooooo freaking hot here today, I am loving the aircon! I'm so scared to get my power bill though. :redface:

Jayne - Oh yeah, we have clicks :rolleyes: I was trying to make an effort to talk to the mums, especially the ones I knew from preschool last year but was just getting nothing so just gave up. They didn't talk to me at preschool either so I don't know why I thought it would change. But preschool was a bit different cause we just dropped off and then left. At school we hang around for quite a while and most of the mums huddle in little groups and chat. I actually know one of the mums from way back when we had antenatal group for V. We had a few bbq's and things together before we sort of lost contact but even she didn't seem interested. She actually approached me last week but about 2 mins into the conversation I worked out why - she's started working as a party planner and wanted me to have a party :rolleyes: that's the only reason she was talking to me. And I don't know her well enough to say no so guess who's having a linen party on 21st March :wall: (Sydney girls, it's a Sunday and you're all invited if you're interested in linen :rolleyes: They actually have some really nice stuff for the kids, I must say)

Anyway, this mum seems nice and our girls are in the same class so we'll see what comes of it. Would be nice to have someone to chat to.

A thought just occurred to me - I went to check on D last night before I went to bed and he totally freaked me out because he was laying all weird in the cot, face down (he is still wrapped). So I tried to gently move him onto his back but he woke up so I fed him and he went back to sleep. That was about 10.30pm. He didn't wake until just before 5am....that's like seriously close to sleeping through huh??!! Wooooooot!!!

Am home with just the boys today, DH working and my brother came to pick DD up so she could go to my niece's bday party. I'm baby sitting a friends 18mo this afternoon/tonight so I'll have 4 tonight :o

Best be off, am sure you are all out having a life being the weekend, am going to go and do a blitz on my bedroom, clean sheets etc etc. Must admit, although I'd much rather have D in with us still, he is sleeping so much better in his own room and it is kind of nice for DH and I to have our own space again. I'm thinking of redecorating actually...

WILLOW _ You crack me up! Would love to come to your Linen party if I lived in Sydney. Is it that Lorraine Lea stuff? I was almost suckered in to one of those as well, but I ended up cancelling as my host annoyed the heck out of me. I also made one of those 'friends' last year, when I complimented on a mummy's necklace outside of school one day & guess who was an Emma Page consultant........ :lol: I turned down one of those parties as well, even as I walked straight into it!

We have massive clicks at school & TBH I"m a bit peeved at Jessica's Kindy teacher as she broke up Jessica's little click with her little friend, but a few other clicks remained untouched, I"m a bit miffed, but Jessica & her friend still remain very buddy-like so I'm not overly fussed, but if you break up one, you have to break them all - well that's my opinion anyway.

I admit, I'm finding it hard to find my mummy friends in Pre-Primary, but I think a lot of that is due to having 19 kids in her class last year to 26 kids this year, everybody still looks foreign to me.

Oh & YESSSSSSSSSSs that sleep from D was very close to a sleep-through, maybe he likes the dream-feeding??? I know Jessica used to go well on dream-feeding, maybe tonight wake him for a dream-feed & see what happens? Oh & best of luck with 4 kids tonight, I can't say I envy you!

AFM _ Well Curly's party is well & truly over for another year. She had a brilliant time & exceptional cupcakes & fantastic friends to celebrate with. I'm just uploading pics on FB for all who want to see!

Love Jayne xx

Jayney Jayne Jayne - If you lose another 18kg my friend there will be nothing left. You nutter.

Willow How did everything go last night with having 4 little ones?
Well done D for sleeping through too. That if a fantastic effort :clap:
I also don't like the idea of the school parent "clicks" that happen. I see it every day at work and it really does suck. I see some mums who try and make an effort and others completely ignore them. I hope the lady who asked you over for a coffee is lovely and becomes a true friend of yours :hug:

Jayne OMG I agree with Willow on the 18kgs. You look amazing in Claudia's birthday pics :)
I can't believe how grown up she looks now.

Not a lot happening here. Sage is pestering the life outta me cos he wants to go to the little boy's birthday party next door "RIGHT NOW" lol but it doesn't start for about half an hour lol. Doesn't make it easy when he can see the balloons hanging on the fence :rolleyes:
Yesterday was rather boring too as DH worked and I couldn't be bothered doing anything as I was sooooooooooooooooo tired as a little boy decided not to sleep from 2am until 5:30am :wall: Last night was better thank goodness.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.