OH BW, you have some really big decisions to make (& exciting ones I might add). Sorry the weeknights have been crapola for you though, I hope you catch a break really soon! xx
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OH BW, you have some really big decisions to make (& exciting ones I might add). Sorry the weeknights have been crapola for you though, I hope you catch a break really soon! xx
Bugger, forgot to add to you BUN!!!
Thanks for your post, it really means a lot & YESSS i will definitely be up for another catch up & to gush all over your two beautiful children again! I really hope the vomit & poo cloud lifts & you get mess-free very soon. It's horrid when DH is away & the kids are sick. All my ED trips have been when Alan is away. Go figure! LOL.
Hi girls
Quick one from me - it's SO quiet in here!!!!! I've been busy doing my clinic work for my massage course - got to do 60 hours of massaging the public, I'm 9 hours down, so that is keeping me busy for the next few months. And I've decided to go on and do the Diploma, it's just going to give me the edge I need, and I'll make the most of DH being on long service leave. Tired just thinking about it though.... but it will all be over next May, so not that long in the scheme of things.
Michelle - welcome home sweet girl......... if you pop in here (when you get a chance!!) we have all been cheering you on as best we can from a distance........ I know you will be utterly relieved to have your little man home safe and sound, as all us mums in here know only too well, after loosing a babe, it's the biggest relief in the world to bring home a healthy squirming one - I imagine you were overloaded with worry, not to mention doing it alone, when George decided to emerge - but it all ended well, and you have him home - that is one huge achievement hon xoxoxo I know there is always the sour with the sweet - and the constant pain of seeing George without Greg is a devastation that will ease, in time.......... I promise you it will ease. It took me around 2 years to be able to go to important things with my kids (i.e. first day at school, school concerts etc) to not be a balling mess during or after the event. That sounds a long time, but like you, my children were young - so I had a lot of "firsts" to content with on my own. It's tough hon, but I survived, and you are a stronger person than me. I know it sounds terribly "cliched", but it really is a case of one day at a time, thats enough. And in amongst the pain, you will have pockets of sunshine, let them in, whty are your friend. Please let us know how you are doing, how long are your parents staying? Whats your "plan of attack", take care xoxoxoxo
Jayne - I'm up to date on your other thread, and without saying too much in here - I have to tell you how remarkably sane and level headed you are - whatever choice you make will be the right one, usually there is no right or wrong iykwim, hugs hon and I hope life starts levelling off again at the very least xo
Bun - poor chook, up to your eyeballs in goop........... I think you better get a few massage, facial ect appointments booked up for when your DH gets home, you have earned them!
Spring - you are very quiet - whats going down?
BW - I get that it would be so tempting to surprise your DH with a new pregnancy - but I guess the reality is that you would want/need his support.... sorry have not been much help, but hope things all fall into place easily.
Mako - hope you had a great weekend away hon, a good break xoxo
Deb - I'm feeling your relief all the way down here in Hobart!!!! I hope you are working on the next new chapter and I have no doubt it will be a truly grand one xo A liberated woman is a force to be reckoned with xo
Hi to everyone else - got to go, but hope you all pop in to say hi!!
Love Lee xoxo
Hiya guys. I am really struggling tonight. DD is still sick and DS may be getting it but it is hard to tell - he is a spewy baby anyway, but has been even more spewy than usual today. I am sick too and have completely lost my voice. I got no sleep again last night and DD is currently screaming the place down in her room wanting me. I CAN'T go to her - I am just too tired to have another night of her carrying on and insisting on being in my bed where she stuffs around all night. She is getting better now, but just needs a LOT of sleep to fully recover and I am at my wits end. We ended up in the ED the other night as she was getting so dehydrated, and after some anti-nausea meds the vomiting has stopped, but she is still leaking like a tap from the other end. Her behaviour is absolutely shocking at the moment and I feel like a terrible mother because I just have no patience left to deal with it. Why does this have to happen while DH is away? It would be difficult even if he was here, things have been so bad.
Sorry for such a selfish post, I just needed to get that out. I have no idea how I am going to get through the next few days.
And Lee - if I was closer I would selflessly offer myself for the other 51 hours of massage practice you need!
Oh Bun... huge, huge hugs hun. I wish there was something I could do to help you... I'm just dredding a situation like that, with no family around to help out, it's a nightmare... not to mention that DH is away at the moment too.. you poor thing. It's so typical that it happens when he is away! I really hope you manage to shake it really quickly and please don't feel like a bad Mummy.. you're amazing. Take care and I hope you somehow manage to get a good nights sleep! Keep up the fluids!!!
Michelle - Welcome home hun. I can't believe you're finally home with your precious little man!! Such a bittersweet moment though I would imagine. I'm still thinking of you constantly as you enter this new chapter in your life. Massive hugs. I'm sure you're making Greg very proud!!
Lee - I could certainly use a massage atm too!!! So proud of you for getting stuck into it!!
BW - Have you had a chance to speak to DH yet????
Jayne - Another night out on the town hey??? Soooo impressed and I hope you're letting your hair down and having a wonderful night!!!! Can't wait to hear all about it.
Mako - Hope the weekend away is going well... saw on FB that you had some car trouble... hope everything is ok???
Deb - Been thinking of you and hope all went ok at the mediation.
Janie - I'm so proud of N and his TT the other day... it's so great to catch up with you guys, I don't know what I'd do over here without you. You've been so amazing and little D is just the most gorgeous man ever!!!
AFM - I'm trying to live in the land of DeNile... it works every now and again but not always!! Just hanging out till Monday when we have a good chat to the OB and work out what to do next. I'm just so damn tired again atm.. can't seem to get on top of it.. and I've started getting heartburn again.. had it bad with DS and I think it's heading that way again.. not nice. Getting lots of strong movement from bubs though.. my whole belly has started moving with some of the strong ones.. it's just amazing.
Kel xxx
DH left for work at 9:30 this morning and got home at 9pm tonight. Not his normal 9-5 job, freelance work for his previous employer doing sound for a jazz festival. He's just taken Sam to bed... No talking tonight, none tomorrow as Sundays are pretty full-on with church for him (he does sound for both services which usually means we are there 8-11 in the morning and he starts at 4 in the afternoon and usually gets in around 8 at night). Not expecting much talking to happen any time soon! Probably a good thing as I've wrenched my hip and knee wrestling with a shopping trolley and he'd use this pain as evidence that the arthritis pain would stop me from caring for two children. *sigh*
Bun, don't feel like a bad mummy! I have to admit that I let Sam play with a plastic case for a quilt... putting it over his head and all for a moments peace this afternoon... Sometimes you've just got to do what ever you need to do in order to get through. I'm also a long way from family, so I understand that isolation. :hug:
Michelle - welcome home! I feel bad that Sam and circumstances still haven't given me time to call and talk, but I do think of you every day.
BW
Hi girls. Home at last and what a journey........
While I am relieved I feel kind of numb and there are a multitude of emotions bubbling around trying to make their way to the surface. I am overwhelmingly relieved to be able to bring George home considering the start we had. It was nothing related to his early arrival. More a complicated prelabour that resulted in labour with a transverse lie, hindwater leak, 8cm dilated with bulging membranes, code red c-section and then potentially a placental abruption during a difficult and (in O&G terms) protracted extraction due to his position. He was a paediatric resus (not breathing), with a pH of 6.8 (translated - acute insult / lack of oxygen but very, very bad level), tube for breathing, seizure activity within 30 minutes of birth (medicated for that at that time) then cooled to 33.5 degrees to preserve his little brain for 72 hours. EEG initially was not looking good but improved and the MRI was ultimately grossly normal with a few potential issues related to the motor area of the brain. He improved quickly and at this moment looks perfectly normal except for his upper limb tone and strength which we will see a paed physio for ASAP. He has follow up with a developmental paediatrician in 4 weeks and then NICU follow up clinic at 4/6/9/12 months and again at 2 years. Other appointments will depend on him and how he goes.
The most critical thing at this stage is we are home. He attaches and coordinates suck / swallow very well (which is a very positive neurological sign) and he is appropriately interacting. He still has a few of the born early issues of not crying (yet) and needing to be woken for feeds but that will (should) improve with his age. His neurological status is out of my control and we just have to go with the flow.
Overall, the loss of Greg and the past 2 weeks have left me feeling exceptionally battered, bruised (physical and emotionally) and a little empty. I have nothing to give and that worries me a little. I know the emotions will come but I have had to hold it together for so long that I feel like letting anything loose is likely to result in an avalanche that may be out of control :( I am tired and flat and drained and really wishing I could just get a Greg cuddle. Just once. Just one of those where you can relax into the hold and just hang there until you feel soothed.
On the plus side - feeding is going well and we are tandem feeding too. Lily is ecstatic :rolleyes: and George is a perfect feeder. Sooooo unlike the others. We were all in bed together last night too which was beautiful.
The trauma of the past (almost) 4 months also showed on the little ones last night. Lily has been looking at photos continuously and pointing out Daddy and had a melt down last night sobbing for Daddy and Mumma :( Oscar had the worst night and dreamt badly. He was having similar to his night terrors - screaming, kicking and hitting out. Crying for Mummy and sobbing for Daddy :( It was a tag team approach too :rolleyes: Lily was unsettled and awake until after 12mn, Oscar nightmared around that time and then George had a tummy ache until 1am. It all settled and Lily almost slept through and George had a feed at 6.30am but Oscar was awake again at 4.30am. The sleep in was nice though - Oscar and I got up at 10am (thanks to my Dad!!)
BBL - I should stop rambling (which is reflective of the lack of order in my head) I will be around and reading. A big thank you for your ongoing messages of love and support. Without you I would be lost xxx
Oh Michelle, I feel as though I have just 'watched' an eposide of ER. I have goosebumps all over my arms from reading that. I'm sooooooo relieved that he is looking much better now & I'm really hoping that with each appointment he goes to, he checks another 'improved' box. He sounds as though he is feeding amazingly & really settled, which is a blessing. I'm sure Oscar & Lily will have better nights, their little lives are topsy-turvy atm & they were probably just frazzled with everything that's happened, as well as you being emotional & hormonal, they will be picking up on all of it. Sounds as though you coped beautifully though and I'm ever so proud. xx
Sorry for lack of personals, I have stacks of washing to fold. It has rained non-stop since Thursday so my 'warmer' (what Curly Fry calls the dryer), is getting a major workout.
Yes, I did go out on the town again last night :redface: Am really proud of myself for making myself ask to have the girls babysat so I can enjoy myself. I really did have a great night. I was the driver last night, so at least today I am tired but not hung over like I am half-dead like last time. Was very interesting being the sober one & watching the nightlife unfold. Some random told me I have a 'really spunky amount of pizzazz' so all my girls were calling me 'Ms Pizzazz' last night. Freaking hilarious! xx
It's so great to have you back home Michelle.. :hug: :leap:
I am sorry I've had a big weekend & something happened that upset me deeply. For some reason it's shaken me a bit. I am not used to others thinking ill of me & getting a dressing down & it's rocked my confidence a little. I am fine now - just for a while it shook me a bit. When you realise how people feel & it's different to how you do it's always confronting! It's all good but I wasn't in a head space to give the love or support that I wanted to. I think the experience hit me a bit more due to all the legal stuff I had to deal with this week also. Anyway it's just boring silly stuff but I wanted you guys to know why I've been absent.
Immy really suffered being left all day with someone else. My gorgeous friend looked after her and has a very close bond with her but Immy cried for Mummy a lot & then when I finally got to her at 7.30pm she was pretty cranky at me... :cry:
It was hard on the poor darling baby. Anyway I'll bb tomorrow when I am not zombie like - I actually had a 2 hour sleep this afternoon & I couldn't believe I slept that long! I just don't do day sleeps & my gorgeous children kept everything quiet (I won't go into what they ate from the pantry but there is always a price to pay!) for me... Awwwww they are gorgeous!
Hi girls!
Michelle - so GOOD to see you posting in here, and never mind what you might think as ramblings, they are not to us okay! You have had an incredibly hard time, and I really hope and pray that now George is here and home, that thing will start to ease up on the pain front for you hon. You have birthed your boy, and he is home, that was a huge thing to focus on. Now hopefully your life will start to resume, with a few new routines for the little ones. Do you have many things on for Oscar, i.e. playgroup etc, just start to think about a tiny bit of structure, I know it's difficult with a newborn, but it's worth it for your sanity and health, just knowing you do this or that during a particular day, and it will give your little ones some routine which they love. Baby steps.....
I'm back off to the grief counsellor shortly, so shall see how that goes - I don't really feel like talking about thigns today, but I have the appointment, so shall go.
Deb - I totally understand how you might be feeling. I've been in a similar space, and felt totally misunderstood and undervalued. Some people just refuse to see the 'real' you, their loss, hope you are back on track today, albeit needing to restock the pantry ;)
Hi to everyone! Love Lee x
Oh Deb, you don't have to tell us if you don't want, but if you feel like sharing, I'm happy to listen whilst you vent?
Nah I don't want to give it any more energy - just one of those icky experiences I'm sure we've all had I was just completely misunderstood & I felt spoken to rudely & left wondering WT? I don't have that happen in my life usually - I'm not used to having the experience of others thinking ill of me - so it stung a fair bit. It's over, I'm fine now just rocked me more than normal I think due to the whole legal process of last week... Normally I would have let it roll off me but last week I allowed it to really hurt.
I'm good now! :lol:
:hug: Deb. I'm pleased to hear your feeling a bit better about things today but please know we are all here if you ever need or want to vent about it all ;)
Lee I hope your appointment goes well today. How is your DH doing? Is he still on long service leave? I hope the kids are all ok too.
DH and I were talking yesterday on our way home from Mudgee when he mentioned he wants me to look into a trip to Tassie next year some time when the world titles or Nationals are on for clay target shooting(I can't remember which one he said was on down there as we were also talking about America in 2013 for World Titles) We are thinking about hiring a motorhome and doing a bit of traveling while we are there.I've never been to Tas but DH has many years ago with his parents so it might be something we'll seriously look at doing.
Michelle It was lovely to come home last night and see that you have posted in here. I'm so happy to read that your Dad gave you an opportunity to sleep in too. Well done Poppy :)
I bet Oscar and Lily are very happy to have you and George home with them again too. How long are your parents staying for? Is your Dad's op coming up soon? Or was it something for your Mum? I'm sorry I remember you and I talking about someone having an op around George's due date.
Jayne GO GIRL!!! Good on you for having the girls minded while you went out the other night. I'm so proud of you for doing that ;)
Bun I hope the land of spew and poo is easing up for you :hug:
How long has your DH got until he comes home?
Lisa How are you doing hun? I haven't seen you post for a bit and hope everything is ok with you all.
Freya How are you doing? I hope the boys are being good for you :)
Not much to report here except we had a bit of a shocker of a trip on Friday..We were 3 hours into our trip when we had to turn around and head home as DH's car had major issues..We got home safely though and ended up borrowing FIL's car and went back out on Saturday. We were 10 mins from home last night when Sage decided to throw his little hole up..Poor little fella. Luckily we had towels on the seat beside him and we were close to home. He was also sick on Friday night early hours Saturday morning. I'm not too sure if its a car sick thing or if he has some sort of a bug. He's very lethargic today though and has been asleep for an hour so far now and he slept all night last night so maybe its a bug he's picked up somewhere..Who know's!! I'll keep an eye on him and see how he goes.
As for me still waiting for AF to show up. I've done 2 hpt's this past week and both were negative( I didn't expect it to be any different) but just wish she'd hurry up and get here so we can try again.
Sorry... selfish update...
Had an appointment with my OB today and am feeling a little better about everything. She did a quick scan and told me that she thought the measurement in the brain that they're worried about was looking a bit better. She said that there are many factors that can make the measurement a bit bigger at this stage. So all in all... she was feeling relatively confident about it. She said that 50% of the cases that she sees fix themselves over a couple of weeks... so thats positive and something to hope for. Also my blood tests all came back fine, so there was nothing there that explains the measurement.. which is also good news. She's really hopeful that the measurement will be back to the normal range by our scan next week. So we're just playing the waiting game and we'll see what happens at that scan. Basically if the measurement is better at the scan, then we'll just keep monitoring it with more scans. If the measurement is still bad.. we've been advised to do the amnio.. so it's just a case of deciding on the day.. which freaks me out. But I think we've decided that if the measurement is bad, we'll go ahead with the amnio. So we'll wait and see what happens. We're feeling a bit better about it all though, so just praying that the measurement is better at our scan next Tuesday.
Gotta go.. Luke is being a little ratbag.
Kel xxx
Kelly: That all sounds really positive. Waiting sucks big time but the fact that the measurement is improving already is fantastic. I hope and pray things continue to improve :hug:
Freya: I hope you're feeling better today hun. Your status on FB was updated by a mate and you seem pretty ill hun. I really hope you're ok. I think you're great :hug:
Deb: I totally get you Deb. Nevermind, we are meant to learn from these sort of things aren't we?
Lee: Hope your appointment went well babe. Are you starting to feel more like yourself? You've been through so much, I think your amazing.
Michelle: Holy cow woman, my heart was in my throat reading your post. You've got one stong little boy there and you already know that I think you're phenominal. I am so so so overjoyed that you have your three gorgeous children home with you. I know it is so very bittersweet without Greg but I know those kids are going to give you so much love that I only hope it can help begin to mend your broken heart. I also hope that the handsome Mr George decides to be a fantastic sleeper for his mummy. Big hugs for L and O also, it sounds like you could all do with one :grouphug:
Mako: Sorry for the false start to your time away but it sounds like you had a good back up anyway. How is Sage today? Did it turn into a bug or was it just the carsickness? Hope you're vomit free.
Bun: I hope it is returning to normal around your place. Sickness itsn't fun at all. I really feel for you, I hope things are on the mend. :hug:
Jayne: you go you good thing :whip: You deserve to feel sensational and have some time off for just you.
BW: How is the decision making process going? Have you had a chance to talk to DH yet? Good luck hun.
Janie: How is the two kid gig going? Sounds like you've got two gorgeous little lads there. I love the FB pics.
Well DH is still home because of his knee, it is getting better but he is still in a lot of pain the poor thing. B's sleep has gone out the window. Me thinks two toothie pegs are to blame but it's driving me ga ga. I'm just brining him in with us after his first wake up because it's the only way we all get some zzzzzz. O started Kindy yesterday and loved it. I'm so proud of him, he is a really social little guy and by all accounts it was a success. We so tired ATM just getting by but I'm just repeating 'this too shall pass'. I just feel really proud of my lads ATM. Even though B doesn't sleep, he is such a happy boy. He is on the verge of crawling also, he has mastered the all fours rock so just waiting for that forward momentum.
Spring xx
Michelle - that was very scary! I'm glad all looks good with George now. I still think of you all daily. :hug:
No closer to reaching a decision, or it seems even talking through things with DH. My GP suggested I reduce the dose of my antidepressant medication and I'm finding myself in a very deep, very dark hole. If I can ever get myself through the shower and dressed today my first stop will be the pharmacy so I can go back to the higher dose. And next time my GP says I seem fantastic on 100mg and should drop to 75mg I shall tell him to go jump and I'd really much rather stay fantastic for much longer before we try this again!
Hopefully I can get back on my feet shortly. I don't really like this woman that can't get out of her PJs.
BW
KELLY _ I'm so glad that you are feeling more positive today & that the OB is more positive as well. So you're next scan is next week?
MICHELLE _ How's home life?
BW _ I'm so sorry you're so flat today. I really wish I could help you more. Will DH head out to the pharmacy for you when he gets in from work?
LEE _ I was just stalking your pics on FB, your children are all so adorable! xx
SPRING _ Oh yeah, I'm feeling fab since I have been hitting the town a bit. I didn't drink, so it's not like I have to be on a bender to have a good night, but just getting myself out there & with adults is a major boost right now. I'm so chuffed for you that Ollie loved his kindy!
MAKO _ How's Sage today?? Bugger about the spew in the car. Jess has painted our car in spew many times, plus Alan's work van in China. Oopsie. She gets carsick though but it sounds as though Sage has a bug if he's still off-colour today??
DEB _ I feel exactly like you, I hate people feeling ill thoughts about me. It really gets under my skin like a scratch I can't itch. I hate that feeling. I'm glad to hear you're all good now! xx
Big hello's to everybody else. I'm just heading downstairs to make a start on dinner.
Love Jayne x
Jayne I think Sage must have had a tummy bug of some sort as he was fine yesterday on the way to Sydney and on the way home also. I thought he would have been sick on the way home after eating a huge amount of macca's for lunch after Disney On Ice but he was fine.
How are you doing hun? Any plans for this weekend?
Spring I'm so pleased Ollie enjoyed Daycare the other day. He looked sooooooo cute in the pics you put up on FB :)
Michelle How's everything going with you guys? I'm so keen to come down for a visit sometime but only when you're up to it :hug: How's your gorgeous 3 babies doing now you're home?
Kelly How are you doing? When is your next scan again?
Deb How are you hun?
BW I hope you've managed to have a talk to your DH about things.
Janie I saw you were feeling bad about not taking N to see Disney or other things but seriously we only went to catch up with my sister and her kids and unfortunately for us going to something like that was the only way we'd get to catch up. The last time we saw each other was in the Christmas school hols and once again it was something that suited her kids more so. Anyway I know that sounds really sad but that's how my family is. So please don't feel bad for not taking N. You have heaps of time to do all that sort of stuff and he'll enjoy it all much more when he understands what's going on. Sage only really enjoyed the 1st half especially when Buzz and Mickey Mouse came out(he only knew these 2 characters before we went).
As for me..I'm feeling like $hit atm. AF arrived the other day which I didn't expect anything else. I mean after 2 negative hpt's what else do you expect... I'm just feeling very very flat. I wish I could pick myself up and be ok but with a DD fast approaching its not that easy. I haven't even mentioned it to DH cos that'll be his ammunition to stop trying anymore and I don't want that yet. I'm going to take clomid again this cycle and hope we dtd sometime around time of "o".
Anyway enough from me. I hope you're all having a great weekend.
Oh Mako, I'm sorry you're feeling so crap :( :hug: I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up (namely, magically give you a BFP!). That comment of mine on fb obviously came out all wrong, I really meant it to be tongue in cheek, but a few people took me seriously. I don't really feel bad, and I certainly bear no ill-will to people who have taken their children to see it! Good on you!!!! I'm sure Sage LOVED it :D
Mako - Massive hugs hun... I wish I could make you feel better too, that damn BFP and sticky little bub can't be far away... surely!! I'm praying for you.. you certainly deserve it. So glad Sage enjoyed Disney on Ice... Luke loved it too.
Jayne - I've been worried about you and hope you're doing ok.
BW - Have you had a chance to speak to DH yet.. sounds like things have been a bit crazy for you and I hope you're feeling a bit better.
Spring - So gald things are going well with you guys!
Deb - Hugs. Hope you're doing ok.
Michelle - How is the gorgeous George doing and how are the other two little darlings going?? I hope you're doing ok. I'm thinking of you guys constantly.
Well... we're doing ok. Trying to stay really positive because there's a really good chance that all is ok... but we're still very nervous. Our scan is on Tuesday avo and if the measurement is still high, we will be having the amnio. Aahhhhhh!!!! My OB is confident that the measurement may be ok though.. so hopefully no amnio will be necessary. DH is supposed to be flying to Brissy on Wednesday morning but if I have the amnio Tuesday avo, then he's going to stay home so I can rest up!! Would be nice if he didn't go but I really don't want the amnio.. which means he'll go!!! Can't win really - LOL. I've been feeling ok about it all this week but I'm sure by tomorrow avo and certainly Monday, I'll start freaking out again! Just been really missing my Mum more than anything but we're talking every day, so that helps. Looks like Luke is getting a bit of a cold too.. he's had a really runny nose today and is really blocked up tonight... great! He just called me upstairs to say that his nose wasn't feeling well and was hurting... poor little man! Hopefully he's ok. DH is running in a half marathon tomorrow morning, so we'll be up early to take him and cheer him on. Hope it's not too cold for us!!
Kel xxx
Jayne: Hun how is curly? I hope she is ok :hug:
Mako: I hate to hear you so down babe. I hope and pray with all my might that you get a sticky BFP so soon.
Kelly: I've got everything crossed that Tuesday goes beautifully for you and that an amnio isn't necessary. I've had an amnio so if you have any questions please ask. As I said I hope you get wonderful results and it isn't necessary.
Anna: I'm a bit worried about you babe. You've been so ill so I know you probably are too exhausted for bb but pop in soon to let us know how you're doing.
Michelle: hope you don't think I'm stalking you, bit I'll give you another call later in the week :hug:
Bun: crapity crap hun you've had a rough trot lately :comfort: I hope once hubby is home you get some rest and can get better.
Well sleep us a rare comodity here ATM care of Master B. Oh well, this too shall pass. Lucky he's so cute.
Im here Spring. Thanks for thinking of me. The last 11ish days have been he!! thats for sure. Ive only just come out the other side and I cant believe I survived suffering like I did for so long. Was pretty severe case of influenza, probably because Ive been alternating between stressed and sleep deprived for 5yrs. Ive lost a bit of weight, enough to notice it visibly just about everywhere. My poor lungs and muscles are shot from coughing non stop. Im hoping I can eat something more than toast or cracker biscuits today although my appetite is zilch. So after 11 days of vomitting, no food, the headache from Hades, aches all over and basically coming in and out of conciousness; then finally a penicilian shot and some strong ab's Im on my way to feeling normal sometime in the near future. Cant say its been fun because it hasnt, not at all.
I know subconiously I have been thinking of you all between the crying jags and unconciousness. I hope your all ok.
Spring - call anytime. I don't think you are stalking me ;) just don't think I am ignoring you!!!!
Freya - I wish I could have helped. It is horrid to feel so bad :hug:
Hello everyone :hello:
Well, Mum and Dad went home today. Just for 2 weeks at this stage but they need to go home so Dad can heal from eye surgery without risking damage from lifting the kids!!! Sad but also necessary :( The bigger two are getting very used to them being here after three weeks and two of those in total care of Nanny and Poppa. I really appreciate the night time help - particularly at the moment but I also need to do some of this alone. My best friend will be here as support for the next 2 weeks and the nanny will be back on deck next week too.
But I miss Greg soooooo much :cry: He was so involved at this time (actually all the time which is harder) but there are no photos of him holding his newly born son, no Daddy cuddles for any of us. No husband to share the night load and hold you tight when it all looks too hard. And no time for me to cry about it properly. I gave birth without Greg, I dealt with a critically unwell baby and a week in NICU without Greg, and I brought that baby home without Greg. This was NEVER in the plans and I hurt so much and feel so ripped off. There is so much I need to let out. I need to be angry with some people (family) who I feel have let me down or not provided the level of support we needed and deserved. I need to be sad about what is missing from our world. I need so much but there won't be the space or the time for quite a while. My cousin (bless him) told me yesterday that he is giving me 3 years before it hits and I can deal with it properly.
But we will survive. We have to. He would expect no less from me.
Oh Michelle.... you absolutely have been ripped off and deserve to be feeling the way you are. Life has not been fair to you and your gorgeous babies but they are very lucky to have you (and you them). You're right, you have no choice but to carry on but you do have to let it all out too and we're always here for you. I wish there was more I could say to help ease your pain. You're constantly in my thoughts and I'm loving seeing the pics of George on FB. Hugs.
Freya - Poor thing.. what a nasty few weeks you've had. I'm so glad you're finally getting better.
Spring - Hope you manage to get some more sleep.
Mako - How are you doing hun? Thinking of you all the time too.
Jayne - Poor Curly... I really hope they work out what's wrong soon so you can get it fixed and get home! Poor little poppet. Great that Jess has been so good about it though and you've been able to concentrate on Claudia. Hugs, not really what you need right now.
Well.. I'm really starting to get anxious about our scan tomorrow. I know the chances of everything being ok are really high but I can't help but worry about the small possibility that something is wrong. The amnio still scares me but I'm trying to remain positive and hope that we won't have to have it. It's booked in though, if the measurement is still high... so it's just a matter of waiting and seeing what happens... which is really hard... I like to be prepared for things. Anyway, not much we can do about it so just have to get through the next 24 or so hours. The appointment isn't until 3pm tomorrow. On a much brighter note, a very close friend in Perth had a baby girl today!!! Very exciting... she has two girls now.. but I'm a little bit sad that I'm not there to go visit them and have a cuddle... the last few weeks have been very hard in that way... very much missing family and friends.
Kel xxx
Hi girls,
Michelle sweety, couldn't read your post and not reply............... I, too, think of you daily - it's so BLooDY hard, loosing a husband is a completely life changing event, it's catastrophic to have the man you choose to spend the rest of your life with, leave you way before he should. It's even tougher what you have since had to deal with since his death............. just keep hanging on hon, I know you know you have no choice. Just let your kids keep you on your feet and functioning, and do him proud. I found one thing that helped me just a bit when you are feeling completely overwhelmed with single parenting - I would tell myself "okay, I'm doing this for him, I will get the kids dinner now because he can't, so I will do it for him" - I just found this helped push me along when all other strategies had falied. I figured Chris could not physically do these things to help me anymore, so I would do them for HIM - don't know if this makes sense, guess it does. I'm agreeing with your cousin re. the 3 year thing - perhaps longer. As the kids grow up that high level of demand on you will ease up hon, but you are in the thick of it for a little while. I wish there was more I could do, but I'm glad your friend is moving in, and you do have some helping hands around. Hugs....xoxoxoxoxo
Hi girls - will pop back in later got to get dinner etc ............ Kelly good luck tomorrow hon, I know it's scary, but try not to worry until you have good reason too, and like you say, the odds are very good in your favour! Deep breaths!!xoxoxo
Lee xox
Oh Michelle sweety :hug: :hug: :hug: I will try to call you tomorrow or Wednesday. Is night time still better? Or is no time better? :lol: Just let me know darl xoxo
Jayne - how is Curly?? Hope things are better
Michelle - :hug: I know what you mean about sending your parents home sometimes its best when you just get on with the program yourself because you know you have to do it alone at some point, but dont try to be superwoman too quickly either, you are still recovering from the birth and have lots to deal with emotionally. As the little people get to be bigger people things will be easier and yes then you will have time to mourn your lost love. Ive always remembered my grandma's words, she was a widow at 21 with 3 kids (about the same age as yours) and she always said she spent the first few years being angry and it was only after her kids were grown that she really and actually mourned for her husband and was able to come out on the other side of the supressed grief. So please no pressure on your sweet soul - everything will come in time :hug:
Kelly - thinking of you today and :prayer: that bubby and measurements will be perfect xx
A big hi to everyone else, me just extremley busy with Miss N, and ive started doing some work from home again, and we bought a house (investment only) which we are renovating etc etc.. But i do have some good news, we have set a date for Miss N's Christening - 19th Dec. Its a bit later than id like but the godparents are from Wollongong so we have to work around their availability and kids school etc.
Hope your all well. Sending love, light, miracles and blessings to you all,
Lis xx
Michelle I'm sending you all the :hug: I can muster. I think we need to go for that trip to the beach sometime soon so we can both let our tears flow and maybe feel a tiny bit of relief even if its just for a second or 2 :hug:
Like the others have said you so deserve to be feeling very ripped off atm. You have had so so much to try and deal with and many unexpected obstacles and heartache come your way and that just isn't fair. I so wish I could do something to help you more.
Kelly I'm thinking of you today hun and hope all goes beautifully with this scan :hug:
Bun How are you feeling today? You sure have been dealt far too much sickness lately too :hug:
Lee How's the massage course going? I saw you did a 3 hour clinic thingy the other day :)
Lisa Good to see you pop in when you have a chance. I'm sure Miss N's Christening will be here before you know it ;)
Feeling like total c*ap today. Just had a pathology bill arrive from my D&C back in March. I was sent a reminder and a final notice today and never received an original bill so I called them to ask for some time to pay it and the guy told me not to worry about it as he would organise for a form to be sent out to get it bulk billed as they had stuffed up and not sent the bill earlier. I'm a bit relieved about that cos it was for a fairly large amount of $ too. Nothing like a reminder of what I've been through and still trying to deal with. Its not good when the Clomid is playing terrible games with my emotions and patience right now either :cry:
I'm also back at work this arv. I've really enjoyed having this past 2 weeks off with Sage and not having to rush out the door to go anywhere. I even managed a couple of sleep ins til 8am too(unheard of in this house with everyone usually up at 6am). So now its back to the real world for 11 weeks again.
Hi to everyone
Aww Mako :hug: its hard when we get an unexpected reminder like that. My first angel EDD is next week and even though its been 4 years, you just never forget. Hang in there hun, maybe getting back to routine will be good to keep your mind off things and get to that bfp before you know it. and YAY on the sleep ins!
Oh Anna, your poor love, hope you start to improve soon. I hope you had some help with the boys :hug:
Just a quick one from me.... had my scan today and all is looking fantastic!!! I can't believe it, such a relief. The measurement they were worried about has now gone back to within normal range.. so it's a REALLY good sign that everything is going to be ok. Obviously, they're still worried that it got so high and I'll be monitored for the rest of the pg but it's looking more and more positive. I think they might still do the MRI in a few weeks but that's ok... better than the amnio, which I'm so happy that I didn't have to have today!! It was soooo lovely seeing our little bub on the big screen again too!! I'm so convinced it's another boy and can't wait to find out!! What a stressful couple of weeks... thank god we can relax just a tiny bit now and maybe even start to enjoy this very last pg of mine... just a little bit!! I'm still so frustrated that I haven't been able to enjoy it but so relieved that all looks positive. I really can't believe it.. finally something has gone right for us!
Must go... am absolutely exhausted now... feel like I need to sleep for about a week!
Kel xxxx
Awesome news Kelly!!!!
Mako :hug: I have my first angels EDD in 4 days. July seems to be the month for it. I wish I could come and give you a hug in person or even spend the day with you.
Great to hear everything is back to being great Kel. So happy for you guys.
Thanks everyone :grouphug: and another :hug: to those who have anniversaries coming up soon.
Hey girls, I've been texting with Jayne (for those that don't know, she's been in the hospital with Curly, although she's going home today) and she said to give everyone in here kisses.......so consider them given xxxxxxxxxx :D I'll let her update when she gets back on BB.
Thanks Janie for kisses from Jayne - ive been trying to follow the situation with Curly on FB, hope she is going to be OK. Please send Jayne my love too if you contact her again soon.
Kelly - AWESOME!! So glad measurements have gone back to normal and you can enjoy pg again!!
On the medical front - the health nurses told me Miss N has a smaller than average fontanelle and so it is being monitored. She has an appt with the Paed in Aug so ill ask her more about it then, I just find these health nurses to be so annoying sometimes. She said to me 'its common to have small fontanelles, and ive seen babies with smaller than natalya's and they've been OK.. but its still very small and means you could be in big trouble if it doesnt improve...' Then she told me again how very common it is WTF?? So trying not to stress and it doesnt help that she is a very petite little thing and has a small head anyways and everyone is always saying 'OMG how tiny..'. Dumb*** - Sorry just needed to vent :D
Hope your all well, thinking of you all daily xxx
LISA _ Vent away my dear, I'm glad that you are getting her little head seen to, but also glad that the MCN doesn't think it's an overly big deal at the same time, IYKWIM?
FREYA _ So glad you're on the mend as well!
MICHELLE _ I'm thinking of you constantly.
AFM _ I just wanted to quickly say we are home from the hospital. Claudia finally used her bowels this morning which was a huge relief. She has to go back into hospital on 26 August for a bowel biopsy. We go back and see the paed next Friday to get her coeliacs test results, as well as have an official asthma diagnosis as well as check her ears have cleared after waking up with 2 ear infections in hospital. It's never ending. So anyway, I was mighty glad to be home last night, but we went around to Alan's Grandma's for her birthday & SIL & BIL told Claudia she was NOT allowed to help blow out the birthday candles because she might leave germs on the birthday cake & then they wouldn't be allowed to eat any of it!!!! **** I was FUMING!!! My kid doesn't have any type of 'contagious' germs and the poor little thing had only just been released from hospital, she is 3 freaking years old and they had the audacity to tell her she couldn't help Grandma blow the candles. I came home & cried. I don't know how people can be so outwardly cruel.
Hi girls,
Jayne - have been following your news, so glad little Miss is on the mend, you must have been worried about her, on top of everything else you have been dealing with, you will be needing another night out to let off steam very soon. And OH GOD, ignorant people - I know we need to let them 'wash over us' but sometimes we can't. Perpahs you can get Curly a pretty candle before bed and tell her to blow it out just before she sleeps, then send a picture to SIL and BIL explaining how you had to engage damage control? I'm a biach, and don't mind letting people know when they have wronged me or my babes! But I guess commonsense prevails, and you will no doubt sleep on it and wake up kind of over it! I think I'm waffling now..... but just wanted to send some cyber hugs your way, I hope you are okay hon xoxox
Girls, sorry to 'do the dump' but I'm feeling very very low - looking very much like my marriage is all but over, we are really just going through the motions right now, and although we have sought help, I don't think it's going to be enough iykwim..... so am thinking about an exit strategy - not easy with 4 kids, and two very young at that..... feeling bl..dy annoyed that I have more s...t to deal with - when will life be easy for gods sake! Will keep you posted, but am open to all good advice and words of wisdom!
Hi to all, love Lee x
Hey Ladies,
I have been thinking about you all
Mako - Hugs hunny.
And hugs to all who have a anniversary approaching.
Kelly - Great news for your scan. I really think you are having a girl
Lisa - It is hard not to worry about our bubs especially when a MCHN mentions that some thing is not quite with in the "normal" limits. I go nuts and freak out usually as most of you would know by now. Although if they were really concerned they would let you know iykwim. I hope all turns out ok, as I am sure it will
Jayne - Little Curly and you have been in my thoughts alot. I hope you get some answers. Shame on your DH's family too
Lee - You know I've felt for a while that you've been struggling with your DH. I know all will work out for the best. Just remember you need to look after yourself!!
Michelle - You and George are in my thoughts.
As for us - Miss Eva turned one on the 9th. She has thrown in 6 full night sleeps in total!!! She is teething atm and is very clingy. Although she really is a very cute little miss who loves to dance to the Wiggles. She isn't walking yet which is so strange for me because Sara and Loren were well and truly walking by now. We are down to a couple of breastfeeds per day and yes we made it to 12 months. Apart from that I am very very sure that 3 is enough for me.
Hey Ladies,
I have been thinking about you all
Mako - Hugs hunny.
And hugs to all who have a anniversary approaching.
Kelly - Great news for your scan. I really think you are having a girl
Lisa - It is hard not to worry about our bubs especially when a MCHN mentions that some thing is not quite with in the "normal" limits. I go nuts and freak out usually as most of you would know by now. Although if they were really concerned they would let you know iykwim. I hope all turns out ok, as I am sure it will
Jayne - Little Curly and you have been in my thoughts alot. I hope you get some answers. Shame on your DH's family too
Lee - You know I've felt for a while that you've been struggling with your DH. I know all will work out for the best. Just remember you need to look after yourself!!
Michelle - You and George are in my thoughts.
As for us - Miss Eva turned one on the 9th. She has thrown in 6 full night sleeps in total!!! She is teething atm and is very clingy. Although she really is a very cute little miss who loves to dance to the Wiggles. She isn't walking yet which is so strange for me because Sara and Loren were well and truly walking by now. We are down to a couple of breastfeeds per day and yes we made it to 12 months. Apart from that I am very very sure that 3 is enough for me.
Lee - we need to chat but I believe you haven't processed the loss of Chris and the PTSD / counselling is starting to address some of this.You and DH have also had a cr@ppy time with the loss of Luc and that in itself can place significant stress on a relationship. I know how much work Greg and I had to do after Caitlyn and it did make us realise that the loss of a child could be such a make or break time for couples depending on how they dealt with it. Your different backgrounds and parenting styles also put you at odds. So much to deal with is such a short time and much of it only now being addressed. It is no wonder you are just going through the motions.
However - taking advice from the woman who has recently lost a husband and is learning to deal with three little people on her own is probably not advisable ;) Especially when the concept of a new partner / relationship is just too much to consider. I am on the phone if you want to talk. You know how it is - distraction and all that :hug:
Hi all. Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. It feels like we are NEVER going to be well again here. DD is still sick, some days she seems better, then she relapses again and I am sick as a dog still. I have recovered from the tonsilitis now but still have a ruptured eardrum and I feel awful. I am up repeatedly at night with both kids and am just not getting enough sleep to recover. DH is back now but is at work so I am on my own all day and have to do night duty on my own too as DH needs the sleep for work in the morning. I need a few days complete bedrest to get over this I think and that is just not going to happen unfortunately! It is at times like this that I really miss being away from family. If I was in Perth I would take us all over to Mum's where I could sleep while she watched the kids and she would make me a nice healthy dinner too. Sigh... I have had a babysitter over a few times so I could just sleep as some days I have just felt completely unable to watch the kids. I am trying to get DH to come home early today so I can have a rest as right now it feels like all our money is just going to the babysitter! On the positive side, DS has been great and hardly got sick at all. He has started solids and the kid just doesn't stop eating! He is desperate to sit up and start crawling but can't quite get there yet. He had his needles yesterday so is a little cranky today but even when cranky he is a joy - just a lovely little boy. I am so in love with my little man.
kelly - I am gooo glad to hear that is well with your little one! What a stress that was, but hopefully you can enjoy your pregnancy again knowing that all is going well.
mako - hugs hun. Anniversaries are always hard, especially when you don't have another little bub on the way to take your mind off it. I never forget the EDDs of my little ones.
Lisa - I hate how MCNs can make us worry when there usually isn't anything to worry about - so frustrating. I am glad you have a paed appointment coming up where you can discuss it and hopefully put your mind at rest.
freya - gees hun, it sounds like you are having an even worse time than me and I feel bad enough!! I hope you get better soon hun, it just sucks looking after kids when you are so sick yourself.
Michelle - how are you and your gorgeous little ones going? I am glad your parents will be back to help out again soon hun. Sounds like they are wonderful. I am not surprised that you are feeling ripped off - it is just not fair. Greg should be with you, especially right now and I wish I could change things for you. I can hardly manage on my own for three weeks and I think you are doing a magnificent job hun :hug:
bek - happy first birthday to Eva!! And yay on the sleeps! I hope this is a sign of things to come for you.
Lee - gees sweetie, I can't believe how much you are having to handle right now. As Michelle said, I am not surprised that things are difficult given all that you have had to handle in your marriage - I think most would struggle to get through that. With all the kids it must be so hard to find the time to 'reconnect' as such - to have some time just for the two of you. Can you talk to each other about the situation or is it too hard?
jayne - poor little Claudy!! what a time you have had, and of course it always has to happen when DH is away.. I am glad you are finally home again. But boo to Alans family - of course she isn't contagious and what a horrible way to treat a little 3 year old just out of hospital!! I would be pretty angry too. I hope your gorgeous girl makes a quick recovery and the Drs will soon find out what is going on and have it fixed asap. Can't wait to catch up while we are in Perth - if we are all well again by then! We had better be, I am so sick of being sick!!
Janie - how are you and your gorgeous boys going? Sounds like D is really on the move!
Spring - I hope you get some more sleep soon. I love the pics of B doing the bridge - what a clever boy! He does it waaaay better than me. Looks like your little man is going to be on the move real soon!