Will it always be so hard?

[jackrose]

I never thought of the impact the question "Is she your first" would have. But of course, it would be a horrible question to face. It is wonderful that you have Shae as a part of your family now, but that does not take away the fact that you do have another little girl.

she feels like a substitute for the one i lost, while i love her dearly i have referred to her by her big sisters name and it tears me up.

Maybe as time goes on and Shae grows into her personality a bit more you will find it easier to see her as her own person, all the while remembering Nikita in her own way. It is only natural to feel as you do and confuse their names. To me, it makes me think that Nikita is a strong presence around you and I think that is lovely.

FWIW, even if it seems that people have forgotten Nikita, please remember that she has not been. I often think of Nikita believe it or not. I was really moved by your story and Nikita has a little place in my heart too. I know that may not mean much as we don't actually know each other, but, she is remembered.

Take care, and love to your family, the whole lot of you, over Christmas. x

[thepixie]

Nae, as some others have said I don't have anything to offer but hugs.

FWIW, even if it seems that people have forgotten Nikita, please remember that she has not been. I often think of Nikita believe it or not. I was really moved by your story and Nikita has a little place in my heart too. I know that may not mean much as we don't actually know each other, but, she is remembered.

I couldn't have said this better than jackrose.... Nikita is very real to me, and I too think of her often. She still lives in our hearts Nae, just as she does in yours.

[Footsteps]

nae, as you know nikita is not forgotten by me. i can only say how much you and both your darling angels are loved and cared about by us women here on bb. take care of yourself xxxxx

[Rach75]

its my 7th xmas without my Katy Rose, and while I do miss her and wish she was here to celebrate with us I know she is watching over me... I made a promise to her that I would love life for her, so I make a point of enjoying the little things because she can't ... I have to say in my case having Jack the past 3 xmas has made a huge difference and having Luke with us this year is even better... we have personalised baubles and one of them is for Katy, this year I am getting a koolaman deisgned neckalce with 3 pendants one for each of my beautiful babies...

you will never forget Nikita but trust me with time, the ache the pain the sheer ugghhhh of everything does get easier...

[Liviam]

Oh Naenae I don't have the words but I want to send you heaps of and please remember that we remember Nikita on here and will celebrate all her birthdays, christmas and special events with you, Shae and Nikita. Shae is incredibly lucky to such a beautiful big "angel" sister as her guardian angel.
I could not even fathom the difficulty, pain, grief and sorrow of losing a child. My heart is breaking for you and all the gorgeous women who unfortunatley know this pain too well.