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Thread: At the end of my tether

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Hunter Valley, Wine Country, NSW

    Default At the end of my tether

    I feel it`s about time that I got this all out, hopefully once I do I`ll feel better about being a Mummy.

    After 12 months of getting up to Adrian up to 7/8 times a night (some nights have been 13 times) I have finally cracked due to lack of sleep, I can`t catch up during the day as the boys don`t usually coincide their sleep and if they do I`m trying to tidy the house as it`s the only chance I have.

    Anyway yesterday afternoon I finally had enough with Adrian`s sleeping problems, it didn`t help that he was awake continually for 1.5 hours crying during the night, it was more of a complain I don`t want to go to sleep cry and the last few days he`s also decided he`s no longer having a day sleep.

    To get to my point, I`m taking Mark away for a week to the Gold Coast to celebrate his 40th Birthday (Friday), we`re flying up today, I had booked it before we had our first family holiday in September and since then our lives have changed which has seen us buy a caravan which we use on a monthly basis for a couple of days so this great present I thought I had for him is no longer that great as he`s now getting breaks off the farm. Mark was told about going to the Gold Coast yesterday afternoon, he commented that he doesn`t like Qld at this time of year.

    So this started my tears (this post isn`t about Mark I just wanted to let you know what started my tears off iykwim) and the tears continued, then Matthew started his usual of wanting HIS WAY with everything and hitting and yelling at me, (I was trying to tidy up after dinner you know the usual, washing dishes etc) then Adrian started being clingy, crying and here I am yelling at them (which seems to be a common day occurence these last few days), while this is happening Mark is sitting in the bean bag watching TV without a care in the world, sometimes it would be nice if he stepped in and played with them for a few minutes, it would certainly take the strain off me.

    I eventually totally snapped when I finally got to sit down and Matthew comes up and yells at me and demands I get what he wanted right this minute, next thing Adrian is at me crying I think because he sees Matthew being silly with the yelling, I then get up and scream at them both that I`ve had enough of them and I storm into my room to have another cry, while I`m in there the boys are quite upset wanting Mummy, in my heart I wanted to go and give them a cuddle and remind them that Mummy does love them but I was just beside myself I couldn`t do it, after about 5 or so minutes Mark did ask the boys why are they crying WTF he was in the room at the time!!!!

    I feel like a dreadful Mother now, I love my boys dearly, they bring great joy to my life and are very loving little boys but just somedays it gets all too much then I start thinking I don`t have 5 minutes to myself, they get up when Mark and I get up, they go to bed when we go to bed (which I think is far too late but I`m only one person trying to do everything) I guess if I reorganise what method I do things at night I could get them to bed earlier, Matthew would be okay but Adrian I can see him not wanting to go to bed until I do, during the day my life is all about them and what they want to do, I have to spend most of my day outside with them so things don`t get done inside, then I get upset because xyz hasn`t been done.

    I`m even starting to think that I want to wean Adrian but my heart tells me no I had set a goal to 20 months but I feel that maybe if I weaned him he might sleep through at night, I`ve also been told this by a number of people lately.

    I feel so alone when I`m up to Adrian at night, I know there are many mothers out there who are doing exactly the same thing so I shouldn`t really be complaining but I just feel it`s starting to affect my whole life.

    Sorry this is such a ramble, I`ve been awake since 2.30am.

    I just feel so bad that I yelled at my boys and didn`t go to them when they needed me, I know lack of sleep has played a big part but there is no excuse for me to do what I did to them, I feel like I have scared them for life

    I better get moving have to be out of here to the airport by 10.30am and I have a million things to do. I do feel better for getting this out.

  2. #2


    Oh dee big hugs to you hun. Maybe its time to have a talk to Mark about it, i've noticed subtle hints to my DP dont work. Sit them dwn and say "while im doing the dishes, could you please keep the boys busy for 5 minutes"

    As for Adrian waking all night, i just want to say you have done an awesome job breastfeeding this far - almost 15 months!! You will know what feels right, whether you should stop feeding or not. Wish i had some more constructive advice to give you.

    I hope you can find 5 mins to yourself - if i were nearby i'd tell you to send the boys over my way for a night, and you could have some sleep (((hugs)))

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2003


    Oh sweetheart, I am there with you. I know exactly what you mean. And Marc does do his best to help out, but Seth is a mummy's boy and Paris is going through a mummy phase also. I lost the plot the other day (must be the week for it) and I had massive pangs of guilt (and still do) but a dear friend reassured me that whilst it may not be the best thing to happen, it is normal. We all have lines, and just like kids tantrum when they are tired and hungry we tantrum when we are over it You are doing an awesome job as a mumma bear, and I hope you have an awesome time on your holiday. And I hope Santa brings you some peace.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2006


    Big hugs Dee. I know what it feels like too.

    Firstly, no child will be scarred for life from one melt-down. It has how you treat the boys on a daily basis that has the most impact. Secondly, if you feel you are ready, and only if you are, you could try to night wean - ie cut down and then reduce his bfs during the night, but continue to feed during the day. If you feel like this is something you are ready for, try offering water instead of bb for some or all of the night wake ups. Sometimes they are surprising and night wean really easily.

    GL with it. I hope you are having a very relaxing time away.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Off with the fairies


    Big hugs to you,One day after one of my rants I sat down with my DH and asked "why don't you help out when you can see that I'm not coping"? He said that he didn't want to interfer and that if I need help then just ask. Initially I thought WTF just do what needs doing , but after a while I found that DH would do what ever I asked without complaint and has actually become more in tune to what needs doing around the home. The kids have stopped running to me all the time to do everything and I have felt a lot better. I'm not sure if this is any help to you, mostly I just wanted to say I hear you on the lack of sleep and no me time. BEST OF LUCK

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    In Doula~ville


    Aw darling, motherhood is a tough job ah!

    'If mamma ain't happy nobody is" this is so true! You "Must" get some "Me" time in some how. Your not Mary Poppins sweetie, you will only be making things worse by not allowing for yourself to have a break. Self sacrificing does not do you or the boys any good love, all it does is make you angry and bitter at yourself for not allowing yourself time on your own to rejuvinate and find yourself. You are the motor of the house, so you want to keep that motor running right!

    You might have to get bubs into a new routine, wont hurt him, he will learn many new things as life goes by. This new routine could make for much peace in the whole house.

    Maybe work out what activities they are doing during the day! Is it enough to make them tired of a night? What foods are they eating, could they be eating foods that make them more hyper during the night?

    Men are hopseless mind readers, so have you been direct with him in what help you need? Have you asked him to mind the boys for only a hour while you have a walk along a beach with a friend? That would work wonders for you, you would come home ready to take on everthing again.

    I know how you feel, I dont get much help either, but my hubbie works hard and I dont want to burden him when he is working. But I am a fool for that because he needs to have daddy kids time too. Sometimes I have all six kids pulling me this way and that way and I could scream my nut off. And he sits in his office merely typing away while all the noise is rotating through the house.

    Be daring, tell dh what you want and let him know your not going to sacrifice your whole being and mind anymore.

    And in regards to the yelling at the kids, heck I should ring docs on you lmao, what a terrible person you are for having a "moment" of weakeness. Your boys love you with everything that they are, you could never lose that.

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