Darl, you make me wanna get on a plane RIGHT NOW and come to your house and clean and babysit
First things first, enough of this 'Mummy Fail' - you are NOT a bad Mum!!! The fact that you are so low at the moment just reinforces that point, because you're looking at everything you're doing and feeling like its not good enough. If you were a bad mum, you wouldn't give a damn.
I can't remember if you're in a rental or not - but can you put a lock on your bedroom door? Something to keep DD out, and therefore create a 'safe space' for you? And that way you can keep all your things as well, because she won't be able to get to them. And for your youngest, do you have a sling? My sister's just bought one coz her youngest is clingy as well, and this was the only way she could get anything done.
And at the risk of telling you that everything you've said is wrong...you're not a POS either, you're a hardworking SAHM who needs a break. Hey, do you have an IKEA near you? You could always take the kids there, drop them off at the creche and sit in the restaurant for 2 hours
hun you know you can call me if ever you need to right? Or text me, and i'll call you, so you don't use up credit (rich childless person over here ) I know all mums have bad days...but how long have you felt like this, really? Maybe not all day every day, but if it's been like this for a while...I don't know, do you think you're depressed? It sounds that way to me right now, but I guess without a face to face it's hard to know. I just want you to look after yourself hun, please.
i just wanted to offer more - probably not exactly what you need right now, but it's the thought, right?!!
i have no magical words or advice, cos i'm a novice at the mummy business & as much as i have the 'right' words in my brain, they just never come out so well. i can totally feel your frustration & pain though & think the PPs are right - it's not a case of mummy fail at all. reaching out when you feel like this is the best thing you could have done .
i know your DH works alot, but would you guys ever consider him cutting back a little (if he can) and then maybe you working a day here & there? sorry if i'm way off base, but just thinking that it's maybe a way for you to have time out of the house & get to meet new people & even though it's work (boooo!), it might be the change you need to get your groove back. sorry if that's presumptious or anything, but just a random suggestion.
wow both of your posts could have come from me! In all honesty they could have. I to am exactly the same.My house is absolutely horrendous !!! And like you it dont matter if i clean cause for every thing i pick up they put at least 10new bits of crap on the floor!!
The bedroom thing......i have the same DS2 is forever going through my things and i bloody hate it and are sick of it. We rent BUT i did what i had to i put a key lock on our bedroom door.I got so sick of him destroying MY things!. Im allowed to have things to.
I dont wanna preach or anything but i found sometimes (when they were lil) the best thing i could do for them and myself was to let them cry(with in reason)to sleep. Its good for them to learn to self sooth and its was freakin good for me to put them in there cott/bedroom shut the door and go sit in the back yard with a cuppa.Let me tell you i needed it.
My boys are the same nothing i do works charts taking toys ect ect it makes it so hard when they just dont care.The best thing ive now found that works is sitting them in the middle of the floor where they cant reach a thing no tv ect ect they stop pretty quick.
Dont feel bad for your feelings at all......trust me at times i honestly sit and think wow i wonder if i could just drop em at my mums and leave.........its all apart of being a mum.dont ever feel bad for it,were only human hun and *lots and lots of hugs*
It sounds like you're having a really tough time right now Donna and that really sucks!! It sucks you don't have anything to open on your birthday
Sure, being a SAHM is really tough!! It's a 24/7 job, no breaks, no holidays. I think we've all felt like we just wanted to run away and not look back!! That's totally normal. However, thinking about killing yourself, esp how exactly you would go about it is not a 'normal' reaction and makes me really worried about you. Can you go and see your GP? Tell them what you just told us. Or maybe you have a counsellor you have seen before who can help? At least with some strategies to help you deal with all the stress you're under at the moment! And maybe also to talk about DD1 and her behavior if you think something is not right there.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are definitely not a bad mum. We all do the best we can and want the best for our kids. It is so impressive that when you are feeling like this instead of hiding away and bottling it all up, you spoke out and reached out to other people. That is so hard for other people to do bc they often feel too embarrassed about how they're feeling. But talking about it is always the best thing. Well done.
I hope you can somehow get a break very soon. And most of all big big for you.
Oh honey, I'm nearly in tears reading that...do you think you should have a chat to your dr about how you are feeling? And maybe someone about DD1's behaviour? If you think it isn't 'normal' for her, then there is probably something else going on...
big hugs for you, and again I wish I was closer so I could give you a hand, I also wish I could send you my cleaning fairy but she's gone walkabout...
I feel you. I've had a crap of a day here, and my girls are running in opposite directions, screaming and tearing things out of their places... I can't keep up. I hate it. I locked them in the yard this morning to phone DH & scream.... its hard. I tried to get them out of the house to the park to settle things, but DD1 kept running off. DH offered to "come help me out" and I wound up screaming at him that their his kids and he's not helping me out at all, he's looking after his kids.
My house is a mindfield and I can't stand it. I need a break.... I hear ya.
I guess the main thing is to enforce it. I have sat down and scheduled a break a week, and I will have to enforce it. I will have to beg for it, and I will have to make sure everyone knows that it is desperate. This isn't a "break" this is recharging so that we can get through the day... I have 2 hours off on Sunday and 2 hours off in just over a week planned to clean the house. I will have no one here in my house but me & my music. I have discussed with DH that he comes home from work early one day a week so I can have a bath....
I think the little things help us be able to cope. I just need 1-2 little things a week in order to get through the tough times.
I could have written this almost word for word. I know this is all about you, but do you know how much of a relief to know that I am not the only one who feels like this? Thank-you so much for writing all this down.
For me, the housework can get frustrating because if everything else around me feels like it is falling down the house is like a visual example of how messy my life feels. My house is a shambles at the moment - DD2 has been sick all week and has cried all day. I haven't been able to put her down. Any housework that I have managed to do has been using only one hand which means I barely get her highchair clean. I feel like all I do all day is make food and clean it up. I don't want to touch mushy squishy half chewed food anymore. I don't want to try and think of 3 meals a day plus snacks, I feel like a glorified cafe worker. While I am busy balancing a baby and cleaning up or making food, DD1 and DS jump on their beds or slam their door. When I finally get DD2 to sleep, they stand in the hallway outside her room screaming so she wake up. DS is constantly breaking into the toilet and playing with the toilet paper. They throw toys from one end of the house to the other and I have to step over things to get anywhere I need to go. DS has also been moved to a big bed in the last two weeks so he spends until nearly 11 every night breaking into DD1's room and waking her up. So there is no break at night time either. They do the same through their afternoon nap time so they are tired and cranky. I am so tired from holding DD2 all day while she cries and squirms. If I take a toilet break and they pull apart the collages that they made at Grandma's so there are straws, pom poms, match sticks, paddlepops sticks, paper and glitter all over the house or they pull all the clothes out of the cupboard. They are always fighting and hitting, biting and pushing each other or hitting each other with toys. They scream like banshees whenever anything goes not their way. If I say no, all hell breaks loose.
Sorry, that was about me but I totally get what you are feeling. I could go on and on about that last week and the fact that I have not coped well and I am not proud of what I have said and done either. Most of what I have said to my two older kids this week has been in a yelling angry voice and it is not how I want to speak to them. I just need a break and I feel trapped because no-one has been available to give me a hand. It really feels like all my problem. I tried talking to DH about it and he just didn't get it. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday which led to him taking today off just because I need a break. I feel bad because I feel like I am pulling him in all different directions too. He has a lot going on at work and he needs to be there, and I feel like I am adding to the pressure. I feel like a bad wife and a horrible mother. Then I think about all the single mums and mums with partners that work away and feel even worse because I know I have it good with the help and support I get from DH but I still struggle so much. It has been an awful awful week.
I guess I am writing this here to let you know that you are not alone, the way that you writing down what you are going through has helped me. Sorry, if it wasn't helpful to write all that - I am not trying to make it about me. Everything you are going through is so normal.
I think that I got into a really bad negative cycle and honestly, the only way out for me is to have a break. I have talked to DH about the things I need to get done this weekend to get on top of everything so we have set some goals for both of us to work towards. To get the washing clean and folded and put away, to give the house a general clean - tidy the toys to a managable state, to get the groceries (which I did last night online - I haven't had a chance all week to do the grocery shopping), to get out of the house (partly because I haven't been coping and partly because DD2 has been sick, we haven't been anywhere all week and I need to get out), to have some 'me' time away from the kids to clear my head and to get to bed around 10.30 every night. I don't know if I am being hopeful about getting this stuff done but something has gotta give because I can't go on like this. I can't do another week like this one.
I don't know if there is anything you can do, but you sound like you desperately need some time out to do something for you. I really wish I could offer more than what I have and I wish I lived closer because our crappy week probably wouldn't have been so awful if we could have shared them (though there were days that I would have contemplated the 8 hour drive just for the sanity). I hope things turn around for you soon. It is not easy. It is flippin' difficult!
Huge hugs Donna - You saw my Facebook yesterday/last night.
Although my DS can't talk back - I was at that point yesterday. My status of 'Anyone want an 8 month old?' got my MIL upset and I had to lie and say I was just joking, even though I wasn't.
Can you get in to see the Dr for you and also your DD1? I think it would be a good place to start. Its not good to have those kind of thoughts, maybe he can recommend a counsellor? You really do need some time out. Have u and your hubby considered swapping roles? you going to work and he staying at home? my hubby would swap with me in a heartbeat. 2 kids is a handful particularly if their attention span is not good and also not listening to the rules when you ask them to do something or not do something. At my worst hubby had to work part time and look after me and the kids and I saw a psych once a week and got put on anti depressants. If you ever need to talk, im just a pm away.
I have no words of advice honey, but I wanted to know I really feel for you. Please take care yourself. You have to be happy first to make the children happy. Big hugs to you.
I wish I knew where you lived so I could send you a gift basket on Sunday
Remember there are resources out there to help people in exactly your situation... Lifeline and the Parent Helpline are set up for exactly this sort of thing... give them a try - it can't hurt, can it? They might even know something you don't and even just talking to someone might make you feel better.
I hope it picks up for you soon... We're here for ya hun..
Donna - please don't think you are hopeless, it's a really, really tough gig. I've worked on multi-million dollar projects with deadlines coming out of my ears yet most days I can't get DD fully dressed with her hair brushed and I feel like a complete idiot too. Many, many times I say to DD - it should NOT be this hard to change your nappy. Some days it literally takes a couple of hours inbetween her running off. I too get sick of the absolute monotony of trying the same things over and over again and them not working and even simple things like having a shower turning into bedlam.
You're not alone and it's not a reflection of how capable you are. You sound very capable and very resourceful in very tricky circumstances.
First things first - you do need to get a few hours by yourself asap. I know you know this. The only thing I can think of is can your DH take the girls for a drive over the weekend? You stay home or go out and do something on your own. There've been many days for me lately where I've considered going to counselling but I know my mood completely changes when I get some 'me' time - that tells me that I don't necessarily need counselling, I just need more 'me' time and I don't want to waste what could have been 'me' time sitting and talking to a counsellor when I'd have to arrange babysitting anyway, if that makes sense.
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) I know all mums have bad days...but how long have you felt like this, really? Maybe not all day every day, but if it's been like this for a while...I don't know, do you think you're depressed? It sounds that way to me right now, but I guess without a face to face it's hard to know. I just want you to look after yourself hun, please. 
babe...
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