I am so ashamed of myself.

Two nights ago DS started getting a cold overnight, and as a result he was up every 10 minutes (or less) before we decided to give him panadol around 11pm. I finally got DS back to sleep around midnight and I went to bed bed and got about 4 hours sleep before he woke and did the same thing again. I got maybe an extra hour later that morning when DH got up.
Yesterday was a long busy day being Mother's Day. In the evening I had my mum and sister over to watch a movie. DS slept right through the evening, but woke when I went to go to bed (about 11.30). I slept for maybe half an hour before DS woke up. I went into him and fed him and rocked him. I got him down around 1am and went back to bed only to have him wake again 10 minutes later. I went back in and repeated the process: feed, rocking... but this time he wouldn't let me put him down. He was fine while I rocked him but as soon as I'd put him down he'd wake up crying. Fair enough, he has a cold and was feeling a bit miserable. But after the who-knows-what-number-time I'd tried putting him down I just lost it. I yelled out in frustration while holding him and shouted "just go to sleep" and "I just want to sleep" over and over, which of course made DS cry even more than he already was. Then I flicked the light on and sat down on the bed again still holding DS and crying.

I had woken DH, and he came in and took DS off me, but since I'm the one who always does (and always has) settled DS, DS didn't like it and just wanted to come straight back to me.

I just feel so ashamed. Sure I was tired, but I shouldn't ever take it out on DS like that . I really hate myself for doing that. It's not his fault he has a cold and was needing extra mummy cuddles to get through the night.

Thanks for reading. No advice needed really - I just needed to get this out. I know what I did was wrong, and I don't want to do it ever again .