Oh sweetie, don't feel bad. Your DS is just confused, he loves you so much. I sometimes smacked DS's bum when he was really little (he always wore a nappy but still ) when I was losing the plot and wasn't coping that well, as he just kept crying, but then he'd look at me with these little beedy eyes and I would feel so guilty too, but his look was of unconditional love (more guilt). Keep taking your meds & go see your doc. Sometimes we just have those days but it's good to recognise when you need some help or a breather. Big hugs lovely